The Deadly Game
by halcyonwords
Summary: The last thing Kate had ever expected was to fall pregnant with Richard Castle's baby while with another man. She also didn't expect to see the father of her baby and the man she had been falling in love with walk away with his ex-wife. Season 2 Finale AU.
1. Chapter 1

"What does it say, Lanie?" Kate's chewing on the edge of her fingernail while she paces back and forth in front of the bathroom door. As soon as she'd taken the pregnancy test she handed it over to her best friend immediately; unable to even hold the white stick any longer, too afraid of the possible sign that would pop up.

But the past fifteen minutes have been agonizingly slow. Complete torture. Her pulse has increased each minute, her heart thumping beneath her rib cage and the sound traveling up to her ears to cause a deafening sound that has her suddenly feeling nauseous.

Kate comes to a halt as Lanie emerges from the bathroom, the smallest of smiles on her face as she holds out the pregnancy test towards her and Kate sucks in a breath as she reaches out. "Congratulations, sweetie." Lanie says, reaching out to grip and squeeze Kate's arm.

Tears immediately emerge, falling from her lids as a gasp slips from Kate's mouth as she takes in the double lines on the pregnancy test. A hand is immediately covering her mouth, eyes glued to the test before her hand drops, cradling her stomach as her gaze travels down, her chest rising as she takes in her flat belly.

"What am I going to do, Lanie?" Kate swallows, a few tears escaping and cascading down the frame of her face as she falls to the edge of the bed, still clutching the pregnancy test.

"Well, for starters… You might want to tell the father." Lanie sits down next to Kate, pressing her palm to Kate's back as she begins to move her hand in small circles.

 _The father_. Kate had been so consumed on whether or not she was pregnant that she hadn't even given any thought about the father of her child, and suddenly she's dropping the pregnancy test in her lap as her face falls into her hands. "Oh, god." She mumbles, heart beginning to thump even harder beneath her ribs.

There was only _one man_ she'd slept with. It had happened shortly after her apartment blew up, tensions were high and words were shared and before either of them knew it; Kate had ended up naked in Richard Castle's bed. She fled in the morning of course. Her place had just blown up and she was still searching for that son of a bitch who had tried to kill her, she couldn't possibly focus on what this meant for her and Castle. So, she put it to the back of her mind, didn't mention it, and after that day… Well, he hadn't brought it up either. Kate didn't see the point in saying anything and ruining the partnership that they had.

She'd been so consumed and caught up in her own thoughts that she hadn't even heard Lanie speaking. "Earth to, Kate? Girl, where'd you go?" Kate's head lifts, gaze landing on the woman beside her who's face reeked of concern.

"M' sorry, Lanie. What did you say?" Kate's brows pull together, hands lifting to tuck her loose curls behind her ear.

"Well, I said, what are you going to tell _Demming?_ "

Kate's eyes couldn't help but widen at the mention of the man she'd _currently_ been falling for; someone she really could see herself being in a committed relationship with.

A groan falls from her lips, head tipping back into her hands as she huffs, lips forming into a pout. "Oh, god. I'm going to have to break up with him, aren't I? I mean… who in their right mind would want to date a girl who's pregnant with another man's baby?" Kate looks up for some guidance from her best friend, but Lanie's expression is complete shook; one she hadn't expected and had only seen when Kate had shown up an hour ago, to tell Lanie she might be pregnant.

"Whoa– Wait a minute… You're telling me that Demming isn't the father? But… Who then?" Lanie pauses, her brows furrowing and Kate can feel the nauseous feeling in her stomach coming back as the realisation washes across Lanie's face, eyes widening as her head whips back in Kate's direction, a wide smile creasing her lips. "Don't tell me…"

Kate sighs, brows pulling together tighter as she rises to her feet, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. "Yes, Lanie. It's Castle's."

* * *

"So, when are you going to break the news to him?" Lanie's brow raises, arms folding across her chest as Kate shoots her a look and takes a hold of her arm, pulling her away from the others.

"I haven't had the time to tell him!" Kate confesses, though that's a lie. Castle has been by her side all day, has even been going on to her every second about coming up to the Hamptons with him for the weekend. If she was honest, she'd been too distracted about the fact that this was his _last_ case that she hadn't even thought about spending the weekend away with him or breaking the news of her pregnancy to him. Her heart was breaking at the very thought of not getting to see him every day; of not being able to theorize with him. And she knew the second she told him she was pregnant that everything would change, and Kate wasn't sure she was ready for everything to change just yet. "Besides, I haven't seen Tom yet, and I want to break things off with him first before I go telling Castle _you know what_." Her voice goes low, head leaning in closer to Lanie because there's no way Kate is taking any chances with somebody over hearing and broadcasting her news before she has the chance to say anything.

"I'll let you off this once, only because I see Demming coming." Lanie speaks, gaze moving past Kate and Kate's head whips around to the see the tall brunette approaching her, wide smile and all and Kate can't help the tight knot that begins to emerge and settle in her stomach as a sad smile washes across her face.

Breaking up with Tom wasn't going to be easy. She liked him, she really did. They clicked together well and he understood her job, he got it and that made things so much easier. But, Kate knew she couldn't be with him; not with the current situation she was in. She was carrying Castle's baby, and whether she wanted to admit it to herself or not; she _liked_ Castle a whole lot more than just some _friend_.

* * *

"It's not just this weekend we're talking about, is it?" Tom speaks, coming round to stand in front of her as Kate's head shakes, a lump forming in the middle of her throat as tears slowly start to burn the rims of her lids. "No" She speaks, gaze lifting to finally land on him.

"Was it something I said, Kate? Something I did?" He looks so down, like some puppy who's been kicked and it kills Kate, really pulls the knot inside of her tighter and she can't let him think he's done anything wrong, that he said something wrong. Because he's _perfect_.

"No – You're great, you're really great and I like you." She speaks quietly, teeth pulling at the edge of her bottom lip as she refrains from letting the tears in her eyes betray her and cascade down the frame of her face.

She tears her gaze away from him, unable to look at him any longer as she looks out into the bullpen through the blinds. "It's just that I don't think that this is what I'm looking for right now." It's not as if she was lying to him, she wasn't. She wasn't looking for this right now. Wasn't looking to be in a situation like this, and if things were different; if she wasn't carrying Castle's baby and didn't have strong feelings for him; then she wouldn't be breaking up with Tom, she'd be going away with him this weekend.

"Well, what is it that you're looking for, Kate?" His gaze burns into her and she swallows the lump in her throat hard, head turning, gaze dropping from his as her tongue slips out of her mouth, moistening her lips as tears continue to burn the rims of her lids and her gaze soon travels back to the bullpen.

What she's looking for – she doesn't know. All she knows is she's going to be a mother; that she's going to be having Castle's baby and she wants to at least try, for not only herself, but for her child. She likes Castle, really likes him and if he wants to take her away for the weekend; then he wants to try something with her. She's not stupid, he might go on about no funny business, but she sees the way he looks at her when he thinks she's not looking and _she knows_ he feels something for her.

Going away together would be the perfect time to tell him she's pregnant. It would just be the two of them around, no prying eyes or ears and they could deal with this just the two of them; together _privately_.

* * *

"Oh, look whose off duty" Castle's voice fills the air as she enters the room, and she can't help the way the edges of her lips cure up in the slightest as she pulls the top of the beer off, only now realising that she can't in fact drink alcohol.

"Yeah, well, Castle, I'm not all work." She smirks, coming round behind Lanie.

"Don't get into a drinking contest with her, she can take you." Lanie speaks, gaze lifting to land on Kate as her brows soon raise and she gives the girl her famous knowing look.

"Oh, I don't need a drink to take him." Kate's smirk grows wider, brow kinking as she looks back at Lanie. Because it's true, the first time they _took_ each other; they were both completely sober. Though Kate can't help the small laugh that bubbles out of him at Castle's reaction, he's surprised and it makes her heart tingle at the fact that she caught him so off guard. Because flirting; that's not something they've done properly since they slept together. Their relationship had been slightly strained; not that anyone had noticed, but slowly they'd been coming back full circle and if Kate was going to accept his offer to go away with him and _then_ break the news to him that she was pregnant, she could flirt a little; give some playful back and forth.

"Castle, do you have a second?" Kate leans down, voice quiet as she looks into his baby blue eyes.

He accepts and the edges of Kate's lips curve as she turns round, lets him go ahead of her as the duo head out of the room and Kate closes the door behind her; not needing the others to hear them.

"What's up?" Castle says so casually, coat hanging over his arms and Kate's a little lost for words now, the beer in her hands acting as a device to distract herself as she grips it tightly and takes a deep breath.

"Look, I know that I'm not the easiest person to get to know. And I don't always let on what's on my mind. But… this past year working with you… I've had a really good time." The lump she'd had in her throat from breaking up with Tom had returned and the tight knot in her stomach began to tug as her pulse quickened, thumped beneath her rib cage, the sound causing a deafening one in her ears as her cheeks begin to heat up.

"Yeah, me too." Castle speaks, smiling at her and the edges of Kate's lips can't help but pull up as her gaze drops momentarily and the tight knot in her stomach soon dissolves into ones of butterflies and the thumping of her heart progresses into small skipping of beats.

She takes another breath, chest rising quickly. She hadn't planned to tell him right now, but with the way he's looking at her, and with what she's feeling. It seems like the best time, so she goes for it. Waits for her entire world to change. "So, I'm just gonna say this an-" Kate doesn't even get the chance to say what she'd prepared as the sound of a woman's voice calling Castle emerges asking him if he's ready as she comes to stand by Castle's side, his arm hooking around her waist and the butterflies quickly dissolve, that tight knot returning as Castle introduces his _ex-wife_ and Kate forces a smile hand reaching out to take Gina's as she shakes in and Kate swallows the lump in her throat, brows pulling together.

"Yeah, we spoke the other day. Looks like you finally tracked him down." Kate speaks rather lightly, lips pulling together and shrewing to the side as she tries to make small talk and ignore how close Castle and Gina are standing.

Gina speaks of going and Kate can't stop herself before the word is slipping from her own mouth. "Going?" She can feel her heart changing back to the rhythm of thumping beneath her rib cage as Castle replies to her and tells her they're going to the Hamptons and there's a lump forming in Kate's throat as tears begin to burn the rims of her lids. "For the weekend?" She can't help but feel jealous, and slightly betrayed when Gina goes on about _staying on top_ of him and the innuendo that's there as Gina and Rick share a look and Kate feels completely sick to her stomach. She turned him down and he went running off to his ex-wife. It makes her feel like she doesn't mean anything to him, that she was nothing more than somebody to keep his bed warm.

Kate can't help but shake her head and clear her throat as she swallows the lump in her throat, and maybe it's the anger bubbling inside of her but she can't stop herself from speaking. "I'm sorry, I didn't think the two of you got along." She smiles, trying her hardest not to laugh as she looks from Castle to Gina.

Her smile is quickly fading as the two's voice remain quiet and soft, going on about speaking for hours on end and Kate needs to get out of this conversation now. She needs to go throw up and possibly cry and not have anybody see her become an emotional wreck all because of Richard Castle. Though she'll definitely try to convince herself that her being this way is due to the hormones of pregnancy.

Kate's mind tunes out for a moment, focusing on the fact that she's pregnant with Rick's baby. She's carrying his baby and she feels sick at the very thought of conceiving his child when it seems to her that she's nothing more than somebody he can get frisky with and really, Kate should've known better.

Castle's speaking and she tunes back in just in time to hear what he's saying and not make a fool of herself.

"Yeah, I wanted to say… have a great Summer." Her body spins slightly on the spot, brows pulling together tightly as she fights back the tears threatening to betray her and fall down the frame of her face. Her lips pull together tightly, a lump blocking her airway as she looks at Castle.

"You too. And like you said… it's been really great." He's smiling at her, looking so nonchalant like he hasn't just stepped on her heart and crushed it while showing off his new yet old arm candy on the side of his arm.

"Yeah." She speaks out a little breathless, trying her hardest to smile at the two of them as his arm sticks out, struggling with Gina gripping it and Kate wants to throw up, she needs to right now. It's like autopilot, the way her hand sticks out and takes a hold of his and she has to bite the inside of her bottom lip hard, to the point of almost drawing blood just to refrain herself from gripping his hand too tight or falling to her knees and breaking down and really, she hates these hormones already because this is so unlike her. She does not let a man do this to her; let alone some man child.

The loss of contact isn't unnoticed by Kate as his hand retracts and he's waving to the side and that's when Kate's see her colleagues watching them and _oh, god_ were they watching this entire time? Did they see the scene unfold before them? Can they see the hurt and pain written across Kate's face? She can see Lanie looking at her sympathetically and she snaps her gaze away, unable to look at any of them because she'll _definitely_ start crying.

She watches Gina and Rick walk away arm in arm, swanning off out of the bullpen and her brows pull together as her heart drops to her stomach and she can't stop herself from the words that spill out of her mouth like vomit, and she really wants to kick herself. "See you in the fall?" She's chewing on the inside of her gums, and she doesn't know why she's even remaining hopeful, she's already decided on the kind of man she thinks he is but when he tells her he'll see her in the fall, there's that little skip in her heart and her head shakes, a bitter and quiet chuckle escaping through her lips as she bites and pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, head dropping as the tears burning the rims of her lids betray her, a few falling down her cheeks as she stares at the ground, fingers gripping and tapping against the beer bottle.

She hears the door click and soon the warmth of a hand at her back, she doesn't look up. Doesn't need to know who it is, because she can see Lanie's body in her view. "Sweetie, hey." And no, she can't take this comforting, can't take the sincere and sorrow laced behind Lanie's words and the feel of her hand rubbing small circles against her back it's going to make Kate lose it and she will not stand here and cry and let everyone around her know that the reason for this is because of Richard Castle.

So, Kate swallows the lump in her throat, pushes her beer into Lanie's hand and quickly spins on her heels as she makes a break for the bathroom. Because if she's going to cry, if she's going to lose it; she'll do it without prying eyes or ears.


	2. Chapter 2

"It's been a month, Lanie, and he hasn't even called once! Not even the boys have heard from him." A sigh falls from Kate's lips as she slumps down next to her best friend on the couch.

"You know, you could always make the first move and call him yourself." Lanie's head tilts to the side, brows raising and eyes widening slightly as she takes a sip from her wine glass.

Kate can't help but shoot her a look; one of bewilderment because she can't believe Lanie would even suggest Kate make the first move, not after what happened a month ago, back at the precinct. Kate couldn't call after watching Rick swan off with his ex-wife because the pain was still so fresh and raw.

As soon as he'd left she'd ran off to the bathroom and broken down completely. Tears and all.

But really, did she have any right to be upset? They slept together and then even _she_ didn't bring it up again, and not only a few weeks after their passionate night together; _she_ was showing off some guy on her arm. Now she knew how Castle must've felt whenever Demming was around. She guess what they say about pay back being a bitch is really true, because she definitely felt the wrath of it all.

She really only had herself to blame for all of this mess. But that didn't stop her from feeling sick at the very thought of him spending the entire Summer with his ex-wife _on top of him_. It should've been her, if only her ass hadn't been so afraid to take that next step with him then she wouldn't be sitting on her couch next to Lanie, no – she'd be in the Hamptons, or even sitting _here_ with Rick instead of Lanie.

She'd spent the first week of his absence moping around like some hormonal teenager who'd just gotten her heartbroken for the first time; and she absolutely hated it. She didn't mop, she didn't feel sorry for herself or ponder on _what if_. She hates what Rick does to her, what he's done since day one.

It doesn't help that her being so hormonal has everything to do with her being pregnant.

After taking that test at Lanie's, Kate had to make sure that she was in fact pregnant. That it wasn't some false alarm. She had to confirm for herself by a professional that she was in fact pregnant. So, she ended up making an appointment the very next day after Castle had left, and surely enough; the tests had come back positive.

"How can I call him, Lanie, after what happened at the precinct? C'mon… I can't do that. And besides, what would I even say to him? Oh – hey, Castle. Just thought I'd let you know that I broke up with Demming to give you and I a shot. Oh, and I'm pregnant and you're the father, congrats." She speaks fast, hands lifting into the air and motioning with her words before she's reaching across to the coffee table to pick up her glass of water.

"Well maybe not that straight forward, sweetie." A chuckle slips from Lanie's lips as she places down her wine glass and pats Kate's knee. "But, you do need to call him, Kate. He does have a right to know about the little peanut." Lanie's head tips forward, acknowledging to the baby growing inside Kate's stomach.

Kate's head drops, gaze landing on her stomach and the edges of her lips can't help but curve in the slightest as her hand rests against the cotton covering her flat bump.

At first, the very idea of being pregnant; becoming a mother – it terrified Kate. She spent half the week moping about Castle, and freaking out about being a mother. She wasn't ready for this, wasn't in the right time of her life to be having a child. But there's no way she'd be able to get rid of it, this was _her_ child. Her little glimmer of hope.

Her thumb brushes back and forth against her stomach, a sigh falling from her lips. "I can't tell him, Lanie. He's with Gina, I can't do that to him." Her brows pull together, head shaking in the slightest. "I can't tell him after all this time, he'll think it's some vendetta against him or that Demming broke up with me and now I'm going to the second-best thing. I just – I don't want to get in the way of him and Gina. I won't be the reason things don't work out between them, Lanie. I'd… I'd never forgive myself if I stood in the way of his happiness. Then he'd only ever look at me and this baby with regret, and that's something I never want. I only want this baby to have people in their life that love them, not regret them." Her grip can't help but tighten on her stomach, a strong feeling of protectiveness washing over her.

The last thing Kate wanted was for Castle to regret what they did – regret the outcome of their action. It'd break her heart even more. "If I tell him now… he'll think I'm just trying to sabotage his happiness – his relationship. Regardless of whether or not it worked out the first time for them, I just can't do that." Her head lifts, brows pulled together as she looks over at Lanie.

Lanie gives her a sympathetic smile, fingertips squeezing Kate's knee. "Well – I can't force you to tell him, or do anything you don't want to do. I've learned _that_ the hard way." She jokes, earning a small smile from Kate's lips. "But, we can't have you moping around about him anymore. If you're not going to tell him, then you can't be doing this to yourself. You being like this all the time – all the stress you're putting on that little one, it's not good, and you know it. So, from now on, no more talking about Castle and _no more_ thinking about him. From now on your number one priority is this little one." Lanie speaks, hand lifting from Kate's knee to rest against her stomach as she smiles at the brunette.

Kate lets out a sigh of content, head nodding slightly as her teeth sink into her lower lip, gaze travelling back down to her stomach. Not talking about Castle would be easy. It's not as if the boys or Montgomery brought him up at work; too afraid to see the look of hurt and anger that'd cross Kate's face, and Lanie only ever brought him up if Kate did. But… not thinking about him would be harder. He seemed to be the only thing on her mind. Though, Lanie was right. She had to focus on her number one priority now; her baby. If she set her mind to thinking about her baby and her work, then there'd be no time to think about Castle.

"Okay." She nods once more, the edges of her lips curling in the slightest.

* * *

"I can't believe you dragged me here." Kate groans, heels clinking against the pavement as Lanie's hand grips her arm.

Three weeks after making the _'deal'_ to not mop around about Castle, Lanie – _and the boys_ , had worked extra hard to drag Kate out to places.

Kate hated it at first, hated the pity party they were throwing her. But she soon realised that it wasn't pity; that they genuinely cared for her and her wellbeing and just wanted to put a smile back on her face. She appreciated them all, but it got harder and harder to keep her pregnancy a secret from Espo and Ryan.

The first few times they went to a bar and Kate ordered a non-alcoholic drink she'd used the excuse she had to work early and didn't want to wake up with a hangover; it had worked. But the next few times weren't as easy. She made up some lame excuse to do with her dad; which they bought, but eventually, as the weeks continued to go by, they knew something was up with her.

She couldn't hide the morning sickness at work, or the fact that she'd barely touched a drop of coffee in forever – at first, they thought it was due to Castle's absence, that Kate only ever drank what Castle brought her. But even when they suggested to bring her coffee, she had pulled a face of disgust – because the very idea, even the initial smell of coffee; made Kate nauseous as hell. They of course didn't know that. So, she ended up telling them one night when they'd all come over, along with Lanie to have a poker night. Everyone was drinking except for her, and Kate had made some comment about Espo's cologne; it being so strong and bringing her to the verge of tears. They were detectives after all; she should've known she couldn't keep something as big as being pregnant a secret.

They were happy for her of course; went into full on protective brother mode whenever they were at work or out in the field. Which only made Montgomery grow suspicious, and she had told them to tone it down; that she wasn't ready to tell her boss she was pregnant yet.

She also knew they wanted to ask her _who_ the father was, and that it surely couldn't be Demming, because he was a decent guy and that he'd want to be around for Kate's pregnancy – well, that's what she'd overheard them talking about in the break room one day. They even guessed Castle, but Ryan had told Espo that was absurd and completely crazy, that they had never slept together and if they had it would've been written all over Castle's face. They also tried prying it out of Lanie, who of course shut them down each time and told them it wasn't her place. Kate wanted to tell them, she really did. But she couldn't risk either of them making a call to Castle and possibly ruining his happy and blissful relationship with Gina.

But now, here Kate was on a Saturday night, standing outside some _bar_ with Lanie about to meet the boys for some drinks.

"I don't even know _why_ you invited me, Lanie. I can't even drink! Which is torture. I would've been much happier at home curled up with a good book, or yanno anything that isn't the smell of something I can't even touch." Her brows pull together, arms coming to fold across her chest.

One thing she didn't like about being pregnant was that she couldn't have alcohol. Or most of the things she used to enjoy. Coffee was off the table, even decaf made her want to vomit. Going places with Lanie or the boys was torture, because anywhere they went, it was one or the other; coffee, or alcohol – two things she couldn't consume.

"Oh girl, please. You need a night out, you're gonna be a mom soon, you need to have some fun before it's all sucked out of you! And hey – you can be the _sober_ driver or talk up some _cute guy_ at the bar." Lanie winks, nudging Kate in the side, which only earns Lanie a roll of the eye from Kate.

"Lanie, you know I'm not looking to date anyone." Her head shakes, arms coming to cross against her chest.

When she had broken up with Demming, it had been because she was pregnant; and to give Castle and her ago. But it had mainly been because she was pregnant with another man's baby. She didn't want to put him in that situation, or any other guy for that matter. Dating while pregnant was off the table completely. Her sole priority was her baby.

"Who said anything about dating? All I said was talking, but there's also _no harm_ in having a little fun, Kate. I know there's a wild Beckett inside of you, I've seen her before _plenty_ of times." Lanie's smirking at her as she eyes her up and down and Kate can't help but frown at her, lips pouting in the slightest as her cheeks begin to heat up.

"Yeah, well, 'wild beckett' wasn't pregnant and incapable of standing in a room full of intoxicated strangers." Kate says, shooting Lanie a look.

* * *

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick, order me a drink, kay?" Lanie says tapping Kate's shoulder as she disappears into the crowd of people

Kate nods, waving her hand in the air before she makes her way over to the bar, slipping onto the barstool and placing her purse atop of it before ordering a glass of red for Lanie, and a lemonade for herself

She pulls out her phone just in time to see a text from Espo come in, and she quickly opens it and reads it.

 **Espo.**

 **[ 10.48pm ] Hey, chica. Can't make it! Traded shifts and got called in. Honeymilks also got a date with Jenny. So it's just you and Lanie, sorry! See you Monday!**

A sigh falls from her lips, brows furrowing at Espo's text. It's not that she didn't like spending time with just Lanie; the girl was her best friend and had been so helpful with her pregnancy so far and distracting her from certain men – well, only _one_ certain man. But when you're a hormonal pregnant lady incapable of consuming alcohol; being around intoxicated people isn't fun. And Lanie was a very loud, and wild drunk. One that Kate appreciated when she _wasn't_ pregnant. But being the sober party was no fun.

As the drinks arrive, Kate brings the straw to her lips, sucking away at the bubbly carbonated drink as she spins round on her seat and scans around the room to see if she can see Lanie coming back, but all Kate manages to see is her best friend near the dance floor, chatting away with a couple of guys and Kate can't help the snort that leaves her lips and the smirk that creases as she spins back around. _Typical Lanie_. She thinks to herself.

* * *

"Is this seat taken?"

Kate's head whips round, brows lifting to land on a tall brunette man with a dazzling smile, and she can't help but reciprocate his friendly smile before speaking. "Uh, no, it's all yours."

Lanie had abandoned her about twenty minutes ago to go off dancing with some guy she met, and of course Kate wasn't doing to deny the girl from finding love or happiness, so she told her she'd be fine. But instead of going off home and curling up with a good book, she found herself ordering another lemonade and sitting there just enjoying the thumping of the music. Truth be told, she didn't want to go home to the quiet of her apartment; no matter how blissful it may be. For once, she just wanted something loud and fun, even if she sat there completely sober and alone.

"I'm Josh." The man says, smile still wide as he sticks out his hand after sitting down next to Kate. Kate takes his hand, shaking it slightly. "I'm Kate, it's nice to meet you Josh."

"So, Kate… what's a pretty girl like you doing here sitting all by yourself?"

She can't help the roll from her eyes as she turns back to face the bar and take a sip from her drink. Of course, he had approached her to hit on her. No guy ever approached her wanting to just use the free seat next to her.

"Just enjoying my drink." She says lifting it, giving him a small glance before taking another sip.

"Well, how about I buy you another since that one's almost finished and we enjoy a drink together?"

He genuinely sounds sincere, and maybe it's the hormones once again, or the fact that she hasn't talked to anybody all night apart from a slightly loud and slurred Lanie, but she nods her head and accepts his offer. Because he seems harmless, and really, what's _one_ non-alcoholic drink going to do?

"Alright, okay. Hey, bartender. I'll have another, and whatever she's having." He waves his beer before tipping his head in Kate's direction.

"I'll just have another lemonade, thanks." She smiles from the bartender to Josh and his head cocks, brow raising curiously.

"Lemonade? And here I was thinking you were drinking straight vodka." He chuckles and Kate's cheeks can't help but heat up, pulse increasing as she lets out an awkward laugh. Because _oh shit_ , she had completely forgotten all about the fact that she'd been drinking lemonade all night and she couldn't tell this guy she was pregnant; she didn't even know him.

"I'm more of a whiskey girl than a vodka girl. But, sober friend tonight." She shrugs slightly, hoping the dimly lit bar can hide the heat smeared across her cheeks and that he'll buy her excuse. Not that it was really an excuse, because she was in fact the sober friend, it's just… her friend had already left.

"Alright, alright. No complaints there, as a doctor I applaud you." The bartender places down their drinks and Kate's brow raises in curiosity this time as she takes a hold of her glass.

"You're a doctor?" She turns to look at him, take him in once more and she really wouldn't have thought he of all people would be a doctor; even though he was clean cut, he seemed a little more roughed up with his leather jacket and definite helmet hair.

"Cardiac surgeon. I've definitely dealt with a lot of drunks in my time." He says, taking a swig of his beer.

"Cardiac surgeon? Wow, impressive."

"You could say. What about you? What do you do?"

"I'm a homicide detective."

She can't help but smile at the expression that sweeps across his face, it looks like a mix between excitement and astonishment.

"What? No way _you're_ a cop! I thought cops were supposed to be fourty year old men who intimidate the crap out of you and smoked cigars in old bars." He laughs and Kate's eyes are rolling, though there's a clear and prominent smirk smeared across her face.

"Well, we _all_ can't be fourty year old men that smoke cigars, Josh. And hey, I may not look intimidating right now. But if we were sitting in my interrogation room, I would have you crying for mercy." Her brow kinks as she lifts her glass, taking a small sip from it.

"Oh, is that so?" He's leaning against the bar, a wide smirk plastered across his face and Kate nods her head at him, gaze dropping from him as her teeth sink into her bottom lip.

"Well, I'd be honoured to be arrested by you, Kate."

Her brows can't help but pull together, a lump forming in the middle of her throat as her heart skips a beat. Though it's not from what Josh is implying, no – it's the fact that this takes her back to the _first time_ she arrested Castle, and all the innuendo's he shoved her way that had her rolling her eyes and suppressing the urge to smack him. Even though she did find it all amusing.

A sigh falls from her lips, face dropping slightly and she really hates this. She hates the hold he has over her. That one night together – one year together and he already has so much of her heart that she's incapable of going a single day without even thinking about him.

And to make matters worse, she's carrying his baby. She has life growing inside of her that is half his. Her child is going to grow up without him all because she couldn't man up and take that chance after their first night together.

Her elbow is now leaning against the bar, face resting against her palm as she refrains from letting tears fall from her eyelids. She doesn't even feel it at first, the warmth of somebody's hand against her back, but once there's motion, once that hand is moving in circles it has Kate jumping, has her pulled back to reality and suddenly the deafening quiet that had filled her ears is now drowned out by the thumping of the music, and she's looking up at the man she'd just met through watery eyes and he looks so concerned.

"Hey, are you okay? It was only a joke, Kate. I-I didn't mean to upset you."

Her head is quickly shaking, the edges of her lips curving into a small smile as she sniffles, lifts her hand and wipes away the few tears.

"No, no. You didn't. You're fine, Josh. It's just me being hormonal." She chuckles, head shaking as her teeth sink into her bottom lip. "I really should just get going, it's been a long night. It was nice meeting you though, and thank you for the drink." She rests her hand against his arm, giving it a squeeze as she gives him a small smile before she's slipping from her seat and quickly heading out of the bar.


	3. Chapter 3

"C'mon, bro, it's definitely a boy!" Esposito's holding the picture Kate took at the ultrasound as he stands next to Ryan, the duo intently looking at the image while they bicker back and forth.

"No way. They're definitely gonna be a girl! That's a girl."

"How can you even tell that's a girl, Ryan? All you can see is a head and a blob for a body." Espo's brows are pulled together, head shaking as he stares over at Ryan who just looks at him confused.

"If you only see a blob, then how do you know that it's definitely a boy?" Ryan's brow arches, arms coming to fold across his chest as he leans back on his right foot.

Kate's been taking in the area of their crime scene while the two go back and forth; amused with her partner's thoughts on the image of her baby. But as soon as Esposito mentions the word _blob_ , Kate's brows are pulling together tightly as she whips round. "Hey!" She snaps and the two both stop, head's snapping up to face her. She reaches over, snatching the image from Esposito's hands as she glances down at it, a smile creasing her lips before she's glancing back up at the boys. "Don't call my baby a blob, Espo." Her brow is hitching, the faintest of smirks threatening to crease her lips as her hand comes to her hip.

"I wasn't calling your baby a blob! I'm just saying that their body kinda looks like a blob… which you shouldn't hold against me."

Kate's eyes roll, head shaking in the slightest as she tucks away the ultrasound image into the pocket of her coat.

"Yeah, well, keep going like that Espo and you're never gonna find out if it's a girl or a boy."

Kate smirks as she turns, heading down the street towards where Lanie stands.

"Hey, girl! Lemme see the picture of my future niece or nephew." The edges of Lanie's lips are curving into a wide smile as she pulls her bulletin board against her chest and Kate is quickly pulling out the scan and handing it over to Lanie, a sense of pride washing over her.

It was the first time she'd gone to get a 3D scan and her heart was beaming with joy. She'd gone with her father before getting called in, and the two had ended up a complete mess as soon as the image had appeared.

Kate wasn't an emotional person. She didn't wear her heart out on her sleeve, she kept everything locked in a cage neatly and didn't bare her soul to anyone. Even crying in public wasn't something she did. But the second she heard her baby's heartbeat; saw the image appear on the screen – she lost it, and she didn't care who saw her this way because her baby was beautiful; so healthy and wonderful.

Her hormones had only intensified as her pregnancy went further, they were all over the place that she wasn't able to hold back or fight the tears as easily as she once was able to. She almost started crying interrogating a suspect last week – it was getting a little embarrassing.

Lanie's been gushing to her for the past few minutes now about the image, and Kate's not really tuned in, more or less walking on air still, but she nods her head. Though the smile on her face doesn't last, because the word's that fall from Ryan's lips and fill the air around her has her knee's bucking and her heart dropping to her stomach as a lump begins to form in the middle of her throat, pulse beginning to increase.

"Hey look, it's Castle!"

Kate's lips part, tears immediately beginning to burn the rims of her lids as she whips round in the direction Ryan is looking in.

She hasn't seen Castle or heard from him in _months_. Not since he walked out of the precinct with Gina in his arms. It's also been over a month since she stopped thinking about him – stopped moping around and feeling so sorry for herself. Instead, the heartache and sadness she'd been feeling soon turned into bitter and angriness.

She was bitter and angry from the fact that he hadn't called; and yes, she could've called herself. _Should've_ called so many months ago; but she has her reasons why, and she also wasn't going to completely embarrass herself by making the first move. Why should she make the first move when he was the one who was going off for the Summer to _write_.

But now the Summer had come to an end and Fall was just beginning to arise and he _wasn't back_. He wasn't back in the Fall like he said he would be. And Kate's not sure why she's so angry about it; she should be glad she doesn't have to deal with his annoying theories or see him and Gina all over one another – and of course not have to deal with the very fact that her child was in fact _his_.

But she felt bad for Esposito and Ryan. They cared for Castle; enjoyed his antics and even considered him their _partner_. Castle could've at least reached out to them instead of punishing them for what went on between her and him.

All Kate is met with when she spins round in direction of Ryan's gaze is a cardboard cut-out and Kate's brows are pulling together; furrowing as a man stands the large cut out behind the glass, soon placing a _Coming soon_ sticker against the cardboard and the anger inside of Kate can't help but begin to boil.

"Guess he did finish that book." Ryan speaks, disappointment dripping from his words.

Kate's lips are gaping, shock and confusement washed across her face as she _stares_ at the cardboard cut-out of the man she hasn't seen in _months_. But her eyes soon drift down to the book he's holding; _Naked heat_. The cover image on full display and her head shakes, lips closing as she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth.

"Nice of him to send us a copy." Lanie's the next to speak and Kate's _about_ to make a comment before the man inside the store places a board on a stand with Castle's image on it and the words written underneath _Meet the author this Friday at 7pm_.

"Looks like he's back in town." Ryan says.

"Nice of him to call." Espo's turning away from the display, gaze landing on Kate.

Kate's fingertips curl into the palm of her hand, jaw tightening as she swallows the lump in her throat. A sigh can't help but fall from her lips, tongue pressing against her lower mouth. He _said_ he'd be back in the Fall – or at least when he'd finished his book. Which he'd done. He'd finished the book and was even _back_ in town and yet he hadn't contact any of them. He hadn't made the effort to call or even show up at the precinct uninvited – which hadn't stopped him before.

The anger inside of her – and of course the _hurt_ , began to double inside and Kate couldn't stand this any longer. Today had been so _joyous_ for her. She'd seen a clear and visual image of her child and now that joy was filled with seething rage.

"Alright guys, you can stop pinning for your girlfriend. After all, we've got a body full of holes." Her eyes are rolling, her own gaze tearing away from the display to face Lanie once more. "So, what else do we know about our victim?" Her brows pull together, mind going back into work mode. Because _no_ – Richard Castle will not ruin her day, he will not consume her thoughts. It's been over a month since she finally stopped thinking about him. She has a case to crack and solve. Justice to bring to this victim and their family.

* * *

Beckett approaches the opened door quietly, gaze glancing at the broken lock before moving to the small gap as she keeps her gun by her side. She waits a moment before lifting up her gun and pushing the door open, entering the apartment on high alert as her gun shifts with her body while she scans the room with Espo and Ryan following behind her.

She makes her way across the room, hiding herself behind the wall as she peers in, glancing at the scattered mess around the place before she's hearing glass being broken behind the door ahead of her. She makes eyes at her partners, lips gaping before she's nodding and turning her attention back to the door as she makes a break for it.

She's kicking down the door, gun raising in front of her. "NYPD, let me see your hands!" Her voice ripples through the air, rebounding off the interior as her gaze lands on the manly figure now turning round to face them as Espo and Ryan shoot and fire, shouting and telling the man to lower their weapon.

As soon as the man has turned around, that familiar voice fills the air; hitting her hard and Kate _almost_ stumbles back – almost stops breathing and her word comes out a little breathless. "Castle?" Her brows are pulled together, tears beginning to burn the rims of her lids as her pulse increases; heart skipping a beat.

"Beckett?" He looks confused to see her, and her expression can't help but match his.

"What are you doing here?" Her head faintly shakes as he stutters, and she watches his body shift her gaze flicking to the gun that waves through the air. "Down! _Down_! Put it down!" Her voice roars through the air once more, the anger laced through her words prominent as Espo and Ryan yell at him, tell him to put the weapon down.

He lowers the weapon to the ground, goes on about how it's not what it looks like and she has to refrain from rolling her eyes. "It never is. Turn around. Castle, turn around." Her gun is still lifted; pointing at Castle before she's making her way towards him, her heart thumping beneath her rib cage and causing a deafening sound in her ears as she slips her gun back into its holster and pulls out her cuffs as she takes a hold of her wrist; a burning sensation washing across her body as she slides the metal against his skin, cuffing him. "Richard Castle, you're under arrest for murder."

* * *

"You don't have to do this, you know, Beckett." Ryan's giving her a sympathetic look, a case file in his hands as Espo quickly chimes in. "Yeah, hey – Ryan and I can take care of this. We can interview him."

Kate shakes her head, swallowing the small lump in her throat as her brows pull together. "No. I can do this. I've got this. I'm fine." Her head lifts, as she takes a glance between Espo and Ryan before tearing her gaze away and looking at the man sitting in the chair behind the one-way mirror and Kate's chest can't help but hitch, a tight knot forming in her stomach that has her hand immediately coming up to rest against it, her thumb beginning to move back and forth over the material covering her skin.

The last thing Kate ever expected was to see him – let along arrest him and have him in her interrogation room. It'd been months. So many long months that after the incident this morning; she wasn't sure she'd ever see or hear from the writer ever again.

She doesn't know _how_ she's going to walk into that interrogation room and try pull him apart for a murder she knows deep down he has nothing to do. But that's not what's got her so nervous – almost to the point of running to the bathroom and emptying out her insides. No, it's the fact that she's fourteen; almost fifteen weeks along and sporting the smallest of bumps. It's not as recognisable, she's a skinny woman; and she's glad that today of all days she decided to wear a very flowy and oversized top, because tight clothes showed off the small bump; wavy and long tops? Well, it was hard to tell, but also not that hard to tell from certain angels. Which means she could walk in there, interrogate him, then walk out without him possibly even seeing the bump beneath her clothes.

She had to be careful how she walked in and out of that room though. Had to make sure his eyes didn't wander down her body. Because even though he's no detective, she knows _just_ how much he can read a person; that he can notice the smallest of things – it's what made him so helpful with all the cases they've solved together. But this was the one time she didn't want him to notice the details.

She sucks in a breath, holding it for a moment before she's exhaling and taking the case file from Ryan before heading towards the interrogation room.

She collects herself, swallows the lump in her throat and pulls on her face of determination; pulls _Cop Beckett_ into her mind. Because all she needs to go is get through this interrogation; and then he'll be on his way. Never seeing or speaking to any of them ever again.

She pushes open the door, gaze focused on him and making sure the angle of her body faces forwards.

"Something's different… did you remodel?" His voice fills her airs and it has her pulse increasing once more as she tries to push any and all personal feelings out of her as she closes the door. She moves across the room, brows pulled together; eyes squinting in the slightest as she slips into the seat opposite him; her gaze never leaving him once.

"You've been informed of your rights, Mr. Castle." Her hands clasp together; fingertips intertwining as they rest atop of the case file on the metal table.

"Really? You're not even going to ask me how my Summer was?" He looks at her a little in disbelief, and Kate almost wants to smack him.

"You are aware that you're under arrest for murder?" Her brow hitches, though of course he ignores her tone.

"And I thought you were being rough with the cuffs for fun." There it is. There's the shameless flirting she _hasn't_ missed.

She glances up at him, eyes rolling and she really wants to wipe that smug look off his face. How dare he look so content to be sitting in front of her when she just arrested him for murder. When she hasn't even _seen_ him in over a month.

"You look good." He's smiling at her, deep blue eyes burning into her and it _almost_ gets her. Almost makes her lose all the confidence inside of her and crack completely; but luckily she remembers where she is – _who_ she is.

The edges of her lips crease into a smile – she'll play along, why not. "You look good too." Her tone is softer, and she hopes to suck him right in.

"Yeah?" His smile grows just a tad bit wider, and Kate doesn't even let a minute skip by before her voice is raising, venom dripping from her tone.

"For murder."

"Why are you so mad at me?" _Maybe because you haven't called in over three months after never leaving my side for an entire year_. She thinks it, but she doesn't say it; of course, she'd never say that.

"Maybe because you were found standing over a dead body with a gun in your hand." She states a little bluntly, brows raising in the slightest.

"Yeah, but I told you – she was dead when I got there."

Does Kate believe that? She's not even sure. Either way, there's no controlling or stopping the word vomit that falls from her mouth and she almost kicks herself. "Why didn't you call?" It's meant to be about why he didn't call her or the guys when he _found_ a dead body – but it can't help but feel like she's asking him about the Summer he was absent from.

He's shocked from her question, of course he is. He didn't expect that, but she sees him quickly collect himself.

"I was going to call you… but then you showed up before I could."

He had a valid point there, and Kate's head is nodding, lips pulling together as she ignores the panging in her heart.

"Really…? Then why did we find you in our victim's apartment?"

"Well, because she called me."

"Oh, so you and Miss Santori were in a relationship?" Her brows hitch, eyes going wide as Kate opens the case file and moves her pen to the paper.

"Well, I wouldn't say it's a relationship. I brought a couple scu-" She doesn't let him finish, doesn't really want to hear it.

"Were you sleeping with her?"

"How is that relevant?"

"Motive."

"Uh, no. I wasn't sleeping with her."

"Are you sure? Beautiful woman…" She knows his type; knows the _type_ of man he is. Just a playboy on page six wanting to make his list a much higher number.

"I'm in a relationship."

It cuts her, though it really shouldn't. She knew _who_ he was in a relationship with; had watched the pair swan off like a couple of lovesick teens.

"With whom?" She doesn't want to hear him say it. Doesn't need to hear him say it. Her heart is already in her throat making it slightly hard for her to breathe.

"Is that a new lipstick?" He's avoiding the question, which has her confused. Was he _still_ in a relationship with Gina? Or had he met someone new over the summer?

"Castle."

"You know with whom."

"How should I know? I haven't seen you in months. You could've been in double relationships with woman since then." She can't help the bitter that leaks from her words and the tightening of her jaw.

"You sound jealous?"

Oh, because she is.

"Jealous? Of you dating your second ex-wife and publisher." She pauses momentarily, adjusting her position in her seat as her hands clasp together again. "Tell me… does she make you do _everything_ on a deadline?" There's a smirk playing against her lips, because she's a little proud of herself for that one. But she regrets it when she hears what comes from his lips.

"So, what about you? You still with that uh, cop boyfriend of yours? What was his name again… Demming?"

She should've expected that sooner or later. Shouldn't have dished what she clearly couldn't take. They were both trying to get at each other, claw at one another's flesh and sink underneath. He's mad at her, and she's mad at him.

Her gaze drops, the smirk that had previously been on her face dropping as her tongue slips out of her mouth to moisten her lips. Her heart continues to thump beneath her rib cage, tears beginning to burn the rims of her lids as she peers down at the case file.

Truth be told; even if she hadn't fallen pregnant, she would've still broken up with Demming to give Castle and her a shot. Which only makes the anger inside of her towards Castle grow. Because she could've had something great with Demming. But at the end of the day, _he wasn't Castle._

She quickly recollects herself – has to steer this away from their personal lives and their feelings towards one another and focus on the case she's trying to solve. So, she swallows the lump in her throat, and quickly changes tactics.

"This victim that called you – what was it about?" Her voice wavers at first, the pain clearly evident. But as her head lifts, brows pulling together; she's not Kate Beckett. She's _Detective_ Beckett.

He begins explaining to Kate about how the victim knew she was in trouble and couldn't go to the police. Her heart stutters at his slip up – speaks about his relationship with _her_ before he's correcting himself and saying the NYPD. Either way, it has her heart skipping – and she hates it. Hates that after all this time he can still waltz back in and do things to her that he shouldn't be allowed to do.

There's a knock at the door, and Kate glances towards it to see Roy standing there asking to speak with her and she's quickly rising before heading out of the interrogation room. He tells her the bullets to their victim didn't match the ones in Castle's gun, which she figured. She knows he's not a murderer; wouldn't have anything dodgy to do with this case.

A sigh falls from her lips as she turns back round, opening the door to the interrogation room as she leans in. "You're free to go."

"That's it?"

"Bullets don't match your gun. You're off the hook." She gives him one last glance before she's dropping the door handle and spinning around to head back towards her desk.

She doesn't expect him to follow, only expects him to head out of the precinct and never been seen again. But she should know better – knows him better than that.

He's following her, walking by her side – almost like old times.

"So, what's our next move?"

"There isn't one. At least not for you. You're going home." She states, arms swinging by her side as her pulse continues to hump and she _hopes_ and prays that he doesn't glance down; doesn't see the bump she's seeming to hide so well with her top. But of course, she doesn't need to worry about him looking anywhere, his attention is clearly focused on the case; more than she is at this point.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Two victims, one of them acquaintances of mine – and you're sending me home?"

He won't give up, won't back down, and she can't do this. She can't. She can't work side by side with him on yet another case and pretend things are like old times. Because she can't focus – can't seem to do her job right when all that fills her mind is _him_ and the fact that she's carrying his baby but can't risk him knowing that without blowing up his world and ruining his shot at happiness.

"Castle, go home. Go back to your Hamptons, go back to your ex-wife, your book parties. Okay, I've got work to do." There's no hiding or denying the pain and hurt that's intertwined in her voice and words, the way her voice wavers on certain words like Hamptons and ex-wife. Because she is hurt, the image of him walking away – of him choosing his ex-wife after she just broke things off to be with him is still fresh in her mind, even after all these months, and it still hurts.

* * *

"I hear you made an interesting arrest today, you wanna talk about it?" Lanie's brow is raised as she stares over at Kate on the opposite side of the room.

Kate stares blankly at her, ponders talking to her best friend about the day she's seem to have had – about the fact that her emotions are running high; but she needs to focus on this case, needs to focus on doing what she does best – serving justice.

"No."

She expects Lanie to fight her on it, but is surprised when she doesn't.

"'Kay, keep holding that stuff in. You'll end up with an ulcer – which wouldn't be good for the baby."

Yeah, she knows her emotions being all over the place today will most likely affect the growing human inside of her. A sigh falls from her lips, hand coming to rest at her stomach as she pulls her brows together and focuses on the dead body in front of her.

* * *

As soon as she's left the morgue, she gets a call from Espo on a new update and lead on their case, and before she knows it they're all pulling on their bullet proof vests and heading there. But as soon as they're kicking down the door, guns raised in direction of the culprit standing before them; they're faced with _yet again_ the same man they arrested yesterday; Castle.

She gets it out of him how he got here; why he's here. Then she's giving the boys orders and telling Castle to go home, he's not having it of course; he's never been one to back down.

"Look, Castle. I'm sorry about your friend. I really am. But, that doesn't mean that you can just show up and act like nothing's happened. The truth is, if you wanted to come back, you would've already. But you didn't, so, let's just face it – the only reason that you're here right now is because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time."

She may not want to talk about it, may not want to go into full depths of everything she's just said, but she had to say something; they both needed to clear this and he had to go – go back to his life, while she went back to hers.

"You ever think that maybe I was waiting to hear from you?"

Her brow raises before brows are pulling together; furrowing as her lips shrew. She doubts Castle would've waited the entire Summer, let alone a day to hear from her or anyone. He wasn't like that. He didn't wait – he pestered. Clawed at the door like an animal wanting to be let in, and didn't stop till he was.

"You know what those bodies are? A sign."

"A sign?" Her hands are resting against her hips, brows raise in amusement, the edges of her lips quirking.

He goes on and on about the universe bringing them together – that the universe would _want_ them to solve this case together and she should protest, should tell him no and walk out of here but she nods – she tells him okay.

"But- there's one more thing, Castle..."

"Yes, anything." He's eager, a smile widening on his face and Kate can't even look at him as her hands from her hips drop to her sides. Her chest rises as she swallows the lump in her throat while the knot in her stomach grows tighter. _Now or never_. She thinks to herself. She hadn't planned to tell him, hoped she wouldn't seem him after letting him go at the precinct; but he's here now, and although she's allowing him to work this _one case_ with her – she doesn't know how long it'll take to solve this case, and she can't keep hiding her bump under oversized clothes. She also didn't want Castle hearing it from anyone else.

"I'm pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

Kate's sitting at her desk, hands clasped together and resting against her lips as her elbows lean on her desk. She's staring into space – mind completely elsewhere instead of on the case she's meant to be solving. But how can she focus on work when she told Castle last night that she was pregnant? And to make matters even worse, he _still_ didn't know that he was the father.

When she broke the news to him, he thought she was joking around – trying to pull one over on him. But when he saw how deadpan she was, his whole demeanour changed and Kate had seen not only shock in his eyes; _but hurt_.

He quickly pulled himself together and congratulated her before Espo and Ryan were interrupting them to update them on the case, and then he'd fled – promised he'd be back tomorrow to help with the case and that was that.

She knew she had to tell him _everything_ , she just didn't know where to start, or how to go about it.

Hearing footsteps coming, Kate's gaze snaps to the opening on the precinct floor to see Castle striding towards her and she quickly unclasps her hands, dropping them down to pick up and open the envelope before her as her brows pull together and she _pretends_ like she was busy doing work instead of staring off into space trying to figure out how she was supposed to tell him this baby was his.

He's placing a cup of coffee down in front of her, and despite not being able to consume the caffeine, there's no controlling the way Kate's lips twitch, almost fully curve into a smile before she's stopping herself and dropping it, gaze flicking away.

They're not okay, and she can't smile – let him think that falling into their old habits of solving cases together and bringing her coffee is going to solve everything – because it won't. He walked away and never called – not only her, but even the boys. She's hurt, and even though she may not have the right to be hurt considering what she was hiding from him; her heart was still bruised from before the Summer.

"Any news?" Castle's gaze flicks to the murder board as he takes a sip of his coffee and just like that the duo slip into _work mode_ – begin discussing details and before Kate even knows it, her and Castle are making a bet: whoever finds out all the connections between the murders – wins.

"If I win, then you have to promise to go away and never interfere with any of my cases again." The words are playful, and there's no hiding the small smirk playing on her lips or the way her brow kinks in just the slightest.

Though she always keeps her promises, and _hates_ losing a bet – especially to Castle. Kate _wants_ to lose this one, she doesn't want to figure it out before him – doesn't want her winnings to be followed through. Because if he disappeared, if he left her and the precinct alone – telling him would continue to be put off.

So, she makes a promise with herself – if she figures it out before he does, she's not going to say anything. She'll just do what they do best and theorize till it clicks for him and once they've wrapped the case, once it's all over with – she'll tell him. No running away, no backing down. She'll rip off the band aid and deal with the aftermath no matter how terrifying it may be.

* * *

"Kate!" Kate's head snaps up from her desk, glancing over her shoulder to see Lanie walking towards her and Kate's brows pull together, furrowing.

"Hey, Lanie. What are you doing here?" Kate places her palms out against the desk to push herself back and rise from her seat as she meets her friend in the door-frame.

"I wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing with you know who back."

Kate's tongue slips from her lips, sweeping over her lower lip as she looks over her shoulder to try and see if she can spot Castle anywhere – which she can't. But either way she still takes a hold of Lanie's arm and drags her friend into the empty breakroom where prying eyes and ears won't hear them.

"Lanie, I told him."

"You told him?"

"Yeah – well, also no."

"What do you mean yes and no? Either you told him or you didn't, Kate."

A sigh falls from Kate's lips as she slips into the empty seat, Lanie slipping into the one opposite her.

"I mean – I told him I was pregnant, but I didn't exactly get the chance to tell him it's his. Ryan and Espo interrupted and as soon as they were done, he practically bolted."

"But he showed up this morning, right?" Lanie's brow is raising while Kate nods to her question. "Do you think he has any inkling it's his?"

"I don't think so, Lanie. He still thinks I'm with Demming. He probably thinks it's his – which would explain why he looked so hurt." Her brows furrow, pulling together more as her mind goes back to last night when she told Castle. His reaction not being able to leave her mind.

"And then he bet me that he could solve this case before I could and I told him if I figure it out before him then he has to leave me and the precinct alone completely."

"What the hell did you do that for?!"

"I don't know! He was just… being _Castle_. A little cocky and you know how him and I are. Always tossing it back at each other, and it was out before I could say otherwise. So, now I have to make sure I don't figure this case out before he does – or at least figure it out, and help him figure it out."

Lanie's head is shaking, arms folding across her chest. "You're both idiots."

"Hey!"

"What? It's true! He doesn't call or show up for three months, but the second he does it's like no time has passed between you two. Except instead of talking about everything and laying everything out on the line – you two joke back and forth."

Lanie leans forwards, hand reaching out to grip Kate's. "Look, sweetie. I know you're still hurt about him leaving, but he's here now, and whether he called doesn't matter. Because right now you have something to tell him that's far more important than some miscommunication."

"I know, Lanie. And I've promised myself that as soon as the case is done, I'll tell him."

"Good. You better keep that promise, girl. Or I'll whoop your ass and then go and tell Castle myself that he's the father."

Before Kate can even react to Lanie's words, a pen is dropping to the floor and Kate's head snaps to the doorway to see Esposito standing there wide eyed – shock written across his face and the colour can't help but drain from Kate's face as a lump forms in the middle of her throat.

"Es-" Kate's rising to her feet as Espo quickly picks up his pen and bolts from the room. "Shit." Kate mumbles under her breath as she snaps her gaze to Lanie. "Do you think he heard that?"

"I don't know… but you might want to go figure it out. I'll catch up with you later, okay?"

Kate nods before she's leaving Lanie and heading out of the break room. Her head looks in every direction to see Esposito by the murder board and Kate quickly bolts across the precinct floor towards him. "Espo!" She says, coming to a halt beside him.

His arms are folded across his chest, brows pulled together tightly as he keeps his gaze locked on the murder board. A sigh falls from Kate's lips, tongue slipping from her mouth to moisten her lips as she reaches out to him, her pulse beginning to thump harder beneath her ribs.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough."

Kate's eyes fall closed, teeth digging into her bottom lip as her hand drops to her side, shifts to rest against her stomach.

The last thing she wanted was for _anyone_ to find out Castle was the father – at least before she had the chance to tell him. She didn't want everyone knowing and for him to find out from someone else, she'd never forgive herself if he heard the news from anyone but her.

"Please don't tell him." It comes out so quiet, that it even takes her back as well as Espo and his expression softens as he steps towards her.

"Hey, Beckett! Will you show Castle the scan?"

Kate's eyes open as she quickly blinks back the tears that had begun to emerge around her eyes as she looks over to see Ryan and Castle heading their way and Kate's chest hitches, pulse beating faster.

"Wh-what?" She stutters, brows pulling together as she swallows the lump in her throat.

"Well, I was telling Castle about how I think you're gonna have a girl, and that Espo thinks you're gonna have a boy and I wanted to see what Castle thinks."

Kate's gaze shifts to Castle standing beside Ryan. His gaze is soft, but she can already see the hurt and uncomfortableness hidden behind the depths of his eyes.

"I-I don't have it with me."

"That's a lie, I saw you looking at it earlier." Espo cuts in, voice slightly sharp and Kate glances towards him, can't help but shoot him a look. _Because really?_ Was he going to actually be like this?

Kate didn't want Castle seeing the 3D picture of the scan – not until _he knew_ that the baby was his. It would physically make her sick to have to watch him admire the picture of their baby with him having no idea that it's his.

"Guys, if she doesn't want me to look at it. It's okay, it is her baby after all." Castle speaks, voice soft as he sees the way Kate had tensed up.

Espo mutters something under his breath – something Kate can't make out, but either way the guilt inside of her continues to grow.

"No, it's fine." Her jaw tightens, as she sucks in a breath and turns towards her desk as she pulls open the draw and grabs the picture of the scan.

Her pulse is racing, the sound travelling up to her ears and causing a deafening sound as she turns back towards them and hesitantly hands the image towards Castle, her slender hands shaking.

Castle stills her hand, a warm smile creasing his lips as he squeezes her flesh and Kate's heart skips a beat, her hand beginning to buzz from the contact of his soft fingers. "Easy there." He jokes, sees the own hesitance in his eyes as he takes the scan from her fingertips and turns it over.

She can't look – can't watch him so her gaze shifts to the ground as she focuses on her breathing. Let's her chest rise up and down as the knot of guilt in her stomach tightens, a nauseating feeling washing over her.

"So, Castle. What'ya think – girl, or boy?" Ryan's oblivious to how Kate is, completely focused on looking over Castle's shoulder as he smiles down at the image of the scan.

"I'm not going to guess. I thought Alexis was going to be a boy for the longest time, could've sworn I even _saw_ for sure it was a boy. I'll just say that it's going to be a little Beckett. 'Cause either way I'm right." He's laughing and Kate can feel the tears burning in her eyelids as her chest rises and falls, the sickness inside of her growing.

"It's a beautiful picture, Beckett. You'll have one beautiful, badass baby." He's handing the scan back towards her but Kate can't force herself to take it - to move, can only concentrate on the thumping of her heart and making sure her vision doesn't blur from the tears in her eyes.

"Beckett?" She feels Castle's hand on her shoulder and her body can't help but jump at his touch. Her head quickly lifts, brows pulling together as a tear slips down her cheek.

"Hey – what's wrong?" Though Castle's brows are pulled together, nothing but concern radiates from his face and as she tears her gaze away to look at Espo and Ryan; their expressions match Castle's.

She can't manage to get any words out – fearing she might word vomit and completely spill to Castle and everyone else right now that he's the father. So instead she takes the scan from Castle's hand and bolts to the bathroom.

Once she reaches the bathroom, she's pressing her forehead against the door and letting out a gasp as tears begin to fall, cascade down the frame of her face. Her feet soon lower, knees colliding with the ground as her fingertips grip the scan tightly, forehead pressing harder against the door as her body begins to shake in the slightest.

She's made such a mess of things.

Lying about something like this, that wasn't like her. She wasn't the type of person who if she fell pregnant wouldn't let the father know. Sure, she kept a lot of things to herself. But something as big as this – she never would have imagined keeping the father of her baby from knowing he was the father. She let the way she felt get in the way of telling Castle, and he had to look down at the picture of her baby – their baby, and now know – have to act like he was happy for her.

He shouldn't look so hurt – so uncomfortable. He should… feel happy, be happy that they had created a life together. But she was keeping it from him, had been for the past three – almost four months and now the first time he looks down at the image of his own baby – he probably felt nothing for it.

* * *

A little while later, knocking coming from the other side of the bathroom door pulls Kate out of her thoughts.

"Kate… you okay in there?" Castle's worried voice fills the air and Kate's wiping away at the tears staining her cheek as she swallows the lump in her throat and slowly rises to her feet as she reaches for the door handle and pulls it open to come face to face with Castle looking nothing but concerned for her.

"I'm – fine. Just… felt a little sick." She shrugs as an airy chuckle slips from her lips and she forces the edges of her lips up wide. She sees the apprehension in his face; how she knows he doesn't buy it and is fighting to call her out on it. "Plus, my hormones are crazy. Just last week I almost cried and yelled at some guy because he confessed in interrogation." She digs her teeth into her bottom lip, _hopes_ he'll buy that she's okay and leave it to rest. She can't tell him now – no, she needs to solve this case first, _then_ tell him.

"Wow, now I'd pay to have seen that guy's reaction."

The edges of Kate's lips curl slightly into a more genuine smile.

"But really, Kate. If you're… not okay, I'm here? I know that… well, I know we haven't spoken in months… But I'm here if you need me."

She nods her head, refuses her mind to wander back to the guilt eating away at her insides. "Thanks, Castle."

* * *

"I guess you won the bet."

"Yeah – but, look. If you don't wa-"

Kate's quickly cutting him off before he can finish his sentence.

"No, no. You won fair and square." She does everything to contain the smirk threatening to play upon her lips. Because Kate had figured out the connection before him, but refused to let It be known. Instead she kept pushing him in the direction she'd gotten to.

"So… see you tomorrow?" He's smiling at her, and she can't help but reciprocate.

"Uh- actually, there was something I wanted to talk to you about, Castle." She swallows the lump in her throat, her pulse quickly rising as she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. "About the baby." She murmurs, gaze flicking to land on Castle.

"Oh. Y-yeah, sure. What did you want to talk about exactly? Is it about the father? Cause, hey – look, I know I'm not Demming's biggest fan, but if he-"

Before Castle can even finish Kate's stepping towards him, her hand reaching out to rest against his chest as she shakes her head, brows pulling together. "No – Castle, Demming's not the father. He and I… we broke up a while ago."

She can feel the pounding beneath his chest, and it only causes her own heart rate to speed up. She sees the surprise wash across his face, how he's trying his best not to smile over the fact that her and Demming weren't together anymore.

"When did that happen?"

She retracts her hand, chest rising as her gaze drops to the ground. "Uh, before the Summer." She swallows, as she looks up at Castle once more.

"So, the-"

Castle's interrupted one last time as a familiar voice fills the room of the precinct.

"Kate."

Kate glances over Castle's shoulder to see Josh walking towards them and her brows pull together, furrowing as she sees the doctor.

"Josh… hey – what are you doing here?"

"We had dinner plans, remember?"

 _Shit_. She's only just now remembering that a couple of days ago, Josh and her arranged to have dinner – catch up. But with Castle arriving and her mind being so focused on the baby and when to tell him; she'd completely forgotten about the dinner plans she had made.

"Oh god, Josh, I'm so sorry… I completely forgot."

"Hey, it's okay. No harm done. We can cancel reservations, get some take out instead?"

Her gaze shifts to Castle, sees the way he eyes Josh up and down and it does something inside of her, has the edges of her lips curling up slightly.

Josh's gaze follows hers to land on Castle and his brows pull together.

"Oh! Josh, this is Richard Castle. Castle, this is Josh Davidson."

She watches the two shake hands, sees the way Castle's lips force themselves up into a small smile.

"Ah, the famous mystery writer. Kate's told me a lot about you, nice to finally meet you."

Castle's forced smile turns into a small smirk, the edges of his eyes crinkling as he glances at Kate momentarily, a brow raising. "Oh, has she now?"

There's no helping the flush of colour and heat that rises to Kate's cheek as she cocks her head and lets her gaze drift to the ground, a small smile playing at her lips.

"It's nice to meet you too." Castle finally says before the duo are turning to face Kate.

"So, take out, Kate?"

"Uh, actually, Josh. Raincheck? There was something I needed to talk to Castle about…"

"Oh, hey, no. I don't want to get in the way of your dinner plans. Besides, Alexis and mother will be expecting me. So, I really should get going. But, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Kate's heart can't help but drop to her stomach, a sigh threatening to fall from her lips as she pulls her brows together and nods. "Yeah… see you tomorrow." She swallows the lump in her throat as he smiles at her one last time before disappearing out of the precinct.

* * *

"You know, I'm really going to kill you, Josh." Kate mumbles as she shoves some rice into her mouth with her chopsticks.

After Castle had left, Kate had packed up her things and agreed to take out back at her place with Josh.

The pair had become good friends since their first meeting. He had followed Kate out of the bar that night, wanted to make sure she was okay. And after giving her a ride home, Kate invited him in and the pair had talked for the good half of the night.

He tried flirting with her, tried asking her out – but Kate had shut him down each time. She told him she wasn't looking for a relationship right now, that her number one priority was her baby. He had understood, accepted her choice and agreed to be friends. He'd even hung out with her and Lanie a few times and also offered to set Lanie up with one of his colleagues.

"Why? What did I do?"

"I was about to tell Castle before you showed up." She shoves her chopsticks around the cardboard box, brows pulled together tightly as she stares intently down at her food.

"Shit, you were?"

She nods, brows raising as a sigh falls from her lips. "Told myself after we wrapped the case I was going to come clean and tell him. But then you showed up." Her lips pull together tightly as she shoots him a look, almost flings some food at him before deciding she doesn't want rice covering her apartment.

"I'm really sorry, Kate. Had I known, I wouldn't have shown up like that. I just assumed since we had dinner plans."

Kate shakes her head, a sigh falling from her lips. "No, it's not your fault, Josh. I should've remembered we made plans and cancelled before you made the trip over."

"So, when are you gonna tell him now?"

Kate chews on the edges of her bottom lip as she places the cardboard box down on her coffee table before sitting back and tucking her leg under her body. "I guess I could tell him tomorrow."

"You guess? Kate, you really should let him know. I know it's your choice and all… but he does have a right to know it's his. And if he already knows your pregnant… well, you don't want him thinking it's someone else's. Don't wait till the baby's here, Kate."

A sigh falls from her lips as her hand raises to rest against the side of her face. "You're right. I know you're right. Lanie keeps telling me the same thing. I'm just… I'm scared to tell him." Her head drops, hands coming to rest at her stomach as her thumb brushes back and forth over the fabric. "He's going to hate me, Josh." Her head shakes, chest rising as her gaze comes up to meet his.

"Hey – he's not going to hate you, Kate." He shifts forwards, resting his hand against her knee to give it a gentle squeeze.

"I've kept the fact I'm carrying his baby from him for months. Wouldn't you? I mean, he's missed doctor's appointments and scans because I haven't told him. He saw the baby's picture today and –" Kate's head is shaking once more, her chest rising as tears begin to form around her eyes. She doesn't even want to think about what was running through his mind when he first looked at that scan. "I should've just told him before the Summer."

"Maybe you should've. But you can't go back and change what's happened, Kate. You can only change what happens now. So, stop psyching yourself out and just go for it and then whatever happens, happens." He squeezes her knee one last time and gives her a friendly smile.

Kate lifts her head, gaze landing on Josh as the edges of her lips curve in the slightest, a sigh slipping from her lips as her hand begins moving in small circles against her stomach. She has to tell Castle already. Just rip the band aid off instead of running whenever an obstacle gets in her way.


	5. Chapter 5

"Josh seems like a nice guy." Kate and Castle are walking side by side down the pavement while Espo and Ryan head up the building to get their suspect.

"Yeah, he is."

"So, how long have you two been seeing each other?"

She practically stops in her tracks, brows pulling together as she turns to look over at Castle.

"We're not seeing each other, Castle. He's just a friend."

"Oh." His brows are raising, a little bit of surprise washing across his face as his hands dig into his pockets. "Well, it's good the two of you are being civil and making it work for the baby."

A sigh falls from Kate's lips as her gaze tears away from Castle. She really had to tell him already that the baby was his instead of him keeping on thinking that this baby is somebody else's.

After her talk with both Lanie and Josh yesterday, and the fact that Esposito now knew – Kate had to get it over and done with already. But every time she was in the same room as him she forgot about everything – got completely distracted by how blue his eyes were, and the way his face crinkled when he was telling a joke. She also couldn't look him in the eyes and speak directly to him without wanting to throw up from the guilt inside of her.

As she thinks of what to say – maybe possibly just break it to him right in the middle of the street, Kate's gaze shifts to a man climbing down the side of the building and her brows pull together; furrowing.

Castle turns to see where she's looking, and he begins to match her confusion. "That's Random."

"NYPD, stop!" Kate calls out, squinting slightly from the sun in her eyes as she stares up at the boy who's now jumping from the drainpipe, landing on a car and making a break for it.

"Hey!" She yells as she bolts after him.

She chases him across the street, before down an empty alley way.

Kate comes to a stop at the end, eyes searching to see which direction he went in before a yellow car is appearing, driving after her victim and swerving in front of him.

Kate quickly heads down towards the car and the man now sitting on top of her suspect about to cuff him. She grabs her gun from her holster, letting it rise as she stops in front of them. "The hell are you doing, that's my suspect."

"Okay, relax. We're on the same team."

As he looks up to face her, Kate's brows are pulling together, lips gaping as her gun lowers, her pulse skipping a beat. "Royce?"

"Hey, kid… long time." Royce is rising to his feet, a smile pulling at his lips as Kate can't help but reciprocate his expression as she slips her gun back into her holster.

"Yeah, too long."

"Nice drivin'" Castle chimes in as Royce thanks him, extends his hand and introduces himself.

"Mike Royce, bounty hunter. Boom." His fingers turn into hand guns, raising in the air.

"Uh, Richard Castle. Writer." Castle's grinning from ear to ear, fingers lifting into the air and typing as if he was typing on a computer.

Kate's hands are turned, resting against her sides as she smiles between the two. "Royce used to be on the job."

"On the job? She says that like I'm any cop. I was her training officer when she left the academy."

Before Kate can say anything, their suspect is interrupting them and she's drawn back to the real reason why the pair have reunited.

* * *

"Oh, no, she's got the cat in one hand, her gun in the other. I'm trying to get the hell out of the way so she can shoot the guy with a speargun."

Kate can hear Mike talking with Espo and Castle in front of the murder board – clearly telling them a story of their time together and Kate can't help but roll her eyes, a smirk playing upon her lips as she approaches the three.

"Except Royce has such a giant head that every time I go to pull the trigger, all I could think about is how much paperwork I'll have to do if I accidentally shoot him."

Mike's turning to face her, his smile growing wider as he chuckles. "Yeah, okay. So, you know what she does? She offers to show the guy her boobs if he drops the speargun."

"Did he?"

"Did you?"

Both Espo and Castle say in unison, eyes wide and lips gaping as they stare over at Kate in a little bit of disbelief.

"No! 'Cause he had the same slack-jawed look that the two of you have." She's shaking her head as she shoots Royce a look, though there's no hiding the smirk playing on her lips.

"You've come here just to embarrass me, haven't you?"

"Embarrass you, kiddo? You do that all on your own."

She's rolling her eyes, teeth sinking into her bottom lip.

"Hey, after you're done interrogating him. We should catch up, go grab a drink."

"Yeah, definitely. I need to know what sort've trouble you've been getting yourself into these days." She teases.

* * *

"When were you gonna tell me this? Geez, Kate. For a pregnant woman, you can sure keep up." Royce jokes, as he stares down at the small bump she's sporting that's now more visible as the pair sit at the counter of a bar.

"I'm pregnant, not incompetent, Royce." She rolls her eyes, bringing her glass of water to her lips.

"So, who's the lucky guy?"

She almost chokes on her water, quickly swallows it and clears her throat as she places the glass down on the counter and pulls her brows together. "Uh…"

"Is it that Castle guy?"

Her eyes go wide, heat rising to her cheeks as her head snaps in direction of Royce who's now smiling and chuckling at her.

"By that expression, I'm gonna go with it's him."

"Yes, he's… the father. But he doesn't know."

"He doesn't know?"

She shakes her head, a sigh falling from her lips as she swallows the lump in her throat, gaze dropping to the glass on the counter as her fingertips wrap around it, index finger beginning to circle the rim of it.

"He knows I'm pregnant, he just doesn't know it's his."

"How could he not know it's his? You got a lot of boyfriends, Kate?"

Kate's eyes are rolling, a small smirk playing on her lips. Trust Royce to always know how to make her smile. She shoves him lightly before continuing.

"It's complicated."

"What's complicated about it? He's the father of your baby, that's that."

"When we got together, I wasn't ready to… well, my place had just blown up – some psycho tried to blow me up and I wasn't ready to face what Castle and I had done yet. He's a great friend… _partner_ , and I didn't want to lose him. I wasn't sure if he even felt anything for me and he never said anything afterwards so I just assumed he didn't and moved on. I ended up dating some guy from work but broke up with him when I found out I was pregnant, and I was about to tell Castle when his ex-wife showed up, and then the two walked off and I never saw or heard from him for the entire Summer… He only showed up a couple days ago at a crime scene and now every time I go to tell him that he's the father, we're always interrupted and I just panic, get scared to tell him. Because something always gets in the way, and I dunno… maybe it's a sign, or whatever." Another sigh is falling from Kate's lips as she stares intently at the glass, her brows pulled together tightly.

"Geez, kid. That… that's a lot." He chuckles before reaching out to rest the palm of his hand against her shoulder as he squeezes it softly. "I just want to know one thing… what happened to the Beckett I used to know? Yanno, the one who wasn't afraid of anything or anyone. The one who didn't let interruptions stop her from getting her way. The same one who doesn't believe in all of that sign bull crap."

Kate's head turns to look at him, her expression softening slightly as she begins chewing on the edge of her lip. "She grew up. Changed?" She shrugs, hand coming up to run through her hair.

"Kid, I know you built up that wall around you after your mom died. But this is a big thing, and you shouldn't have to do it all alone. And Castle, well, he seems like a good guy, one who'd want to be there for you and this kid."

Tears begin to form in her eyes as Kate's gaze drops to her stomach, a lump forming in the middle of her throat. Truth be told, she had gotten so used to going at things alone; that having the option to not be alone – to not have to go through something alone, didn't even occur to her.

She faced some of the hardest criminals every single day, never once backed down or let them intimidate her. She rarely ever got scared, but right now, she was terrified. Terrified that if she told Castle the baby was his – he'd leave again, that he wouldn't want anything to do with her or their child and she doesn't know if she'd be able to handle that or losing him again.

"I'm scared, Royce." Her voice wavers – comes out merely above a whisper, as her head lifts, gaze landing on him as a tear slips free and rolls down her cheek.

Royce's hand is shifting from her shoulder to cup her cheek as his thumb wipes away the falling tear. "It's okay to be scared, Kate." His head is cocking, the edges of his lips curling into a comforting smile. "Out of everyone I've ever met, you're the only one who never shows how she's truly feeling. You don't let anyone in – don't let anyone see who you truly are. But I see the way you and Castle look at each other, whether there's something there or not; you're both special to one another. You told me earlier when you tracked down your mom's killer – that Castle was there, that he offered up money like it was nothing. You think if he didn't care for you, kid, that he would've done that? He cares about you, Kate. And you need to let him in, not just for the sake of you – but for the sake of your kid."

There's no stopping more tears that fall down Kate's face as her gaze drops, teeth digging into her bottom lip as she leans against Mike's hand more.

"I know telling him seems like a scary thing, but if you can face hard criminals – you can face telling him he's the father. Stop letting fear and the what ifs prevent you from telling him. Don't let anything interrupt you, and if something does – shut it down. Just get it out there, kid. Because I know you, and I know you're probably hating yourself more and more each day for keeping this from him, and that pain inside you – that can't be good for that baby of yours."

He's rising to his feet, hand still cupping her cheek as his other hand lifts to cup her other cheek and he leans in, presses his lips against her forehead and lets them linger for a moment before his hands are dropping to his sides and he's stepping back. "Do the right thing, kiddo. Your life's already complicated, don't make it any more than it needs to be."

* * *

He betrayed her – hurt her more than anyone she thought could. How could Royce do this to her, after everything? She never thought of him to be somebody who would play her like this all for some stupid treasure map that may or may not lead to treasure.

But despite what she feels, despite telling herself she hates him – she can't hate him. Won't ever be able to properly hate him, because he'll always have a special place inside her heart. She'll _always_ love him – and maybe he knew that. Maybe that's why it was so easy for him to betray her.

After she's cuffed him and the boys take him back to the precinct her and Castle are back at the grave. She's sitting on the edge, legs swinging back and forth as Castle stands, shovelling back the dirt.

"I think you're just milking it now." Castle finally speaks, can see that she's hurt from Mike's betrayal and wants to try and distract her somehow.

Her head lifts, cocks to the side as her brows pull together. "Huh?"

His gaze drops to her stomach, the edges of his lips curving. "You can chase a suspect better than I can, but you can't help me shovel."

She rolls her eyes, the edges of her lips pulling up into a smirk. "I don't want to bruise your ego by doing a better job at shovelling than you, Castle."

"Pfft, you'd never be able to bruise my ego, detective. I, for one, happen to be a master shoveler."

She snorts as she carefully pushes herself off the ledge, feet hitting the ground as she reaches over and grabs the spare shovel before coming beside him. "You just made that up." She says rolling her eyes as she sticks the shovel into the soil before lifting it up and tossing it to the side.

"Maybe, but I'm still a very good shoveler."

She smiles at him from the corner of her eye, watches him continue to shovel and her chest rises, heart skipping a beat as her mind wanders back to the conversation her and Royce had earlier that day.

Royce was right, despite betraying her like he had; he was right. She had to stop being so afraid of her fears – of letting Castle in or possibly losing him. She had to tell him and stop letting him think this child was anyone's but his.

Scared or not, she had to face her fears, right here, right now. No more doing what she seems to do best and running away, acting as if everything is fine. Because not everything was fine. Her life was a mess and she was continuing to make it even more of a mess than it needed to be. She couldn't go back and change lying to him, she had to stop beating herself up about it and bite the bullet already. This baby deserved to have two loving parents – deserved to not have some messed up mother who kept them from knowing their father.

"Hey, Castle… Remember the other day when I wanted to talk to you about the baby?" She chews on the edge of her lip, pulse racing and thumping beneath the cage of her ribs as she seems him stiffen slightly.

"Uh, yeah… What did you want to talk about by the way?" He turns to face her, head cocking as his brows pull together.

"Well… I wanted to actually tell you something." She swallows the lump in her throat, hesitating for a moment before letting her gaze lock on him. "Look – Castle, Josh isn't the father. I haven't been with anyone since you and I..."

She sees the confusion wash across his face, the way his chest rises and his hands grip the shovel. "But…" His gaze drops, landing on her stomach and Kate feels like she might throw up.

"This baby is yours, Castle. It's not anyone's but yours. You're the father."


	6. Chapter 6

Castle's dishevelled and dirty, sweat still prominent on his body. His jacket hangs over his arm as he pushes open the front door to his loft. He needs a drink – desperately needs one, and he's so close that his mouth goes _dry_ at the mere image of the taste of something strong on his tongue. He's about to head straight for his office till he sees the two redheads propped up on the couch; staring at him with _wide eyes_ – glimmering, and brows raised.

His pulse pounds beneath the cage of his ribs, his adams apple bopping as he swallows the small lump in his throat.

"Well... did you find it?" Alexis finally breaks the silence, brows raise as eagerness radiates off the youngest Castle member.

 _Right._ The treasure. That's what they've been waiting all evening to hear about after he'd gotten overly excited and told them about the map in the current case Beckett and him had been solving.

His mind was completely elsewhere – the treasure a mere thought that he wasn't even excited when the edge of his shovel hit the hard shell of the chest.

He does his best impression of a _happy father_ who's just found a treasure chest, forces the edges of his lips up wide into a smile as his head nods. "Yes, we did!"

"Yay!" Martha chimes, hands clasping together – though despite the happiness radiating off of her; she can see her son's smile is nothing more than forced.

His smile drops as he chucks his coat onto the edge of the couch. "Yes. Unfortunately, when you go treasure hunting with a _cop_ , she makes you return it to its rightful owner. But, my good deed is done for today. So, I bid you both goodnight, I'm off to shower away this smell."

He leans over, squeezing Alexis' shoulder and giving her a small smile before he's retreating to his office.

Once the door closes behind him, his smile fades, a sigh falling from his lips as his shoulders slump.

He makes his way over to his cabinet of liquor and quickly pulls out an old bottle of whiskey. He pours himself a generous amount in a glass before he's swallowing the contents in one gulp. The harsh liquid burns the back of his throat; causes his face to scrunch as his tongue slides across the roof of his mouth.

He lets the glass collide with the top of the cabinet before his fingertips are wrapping around the bottle and he's taking a swig straight from it – because there's no need to keep pouring himself a glass when he'll just swallow it whole each time.

He moves towards his desk, placing the bottle down before slumping into his chair. He leans back, another sigh falling as his eyes fall close.

"Handing over buried treasure got you this down, Richard?"

His eyes shoot open, gaze landing on his mother standing in the doorway with a concerned look on her face.

"You know me, mother." The edges of his lips twitch, but he can barely even force himself to fake another smile.

"Richard, darling, I'm not stupid. I know this isn't about handing over some buried treasure. So… what's really going on?"

He swallows the lump in his throat, gaze dropping to the bottle of whiskey on his desk that he so desperately wants to take another swig from.

"Beckett's pregnant." Even her name tastes so bitter in his mouth and he hates this, can't help the way his fingertips curl into the palm of his hands to make a fist.

"Didn't you already know this?"

"The –" He's pausing as his chest hitches and the words get caught in his throat. His jaw tightens, short fingernails digging into his palms as much as he can while his gaze flicks up to land on his mother. "It's my child. She's pregnant with my child."

Martha's eyes go wide, lips gaping as she stares at Castle in shock, her lips soon twitching; threatening to turn into a wide smile, but she controls herself, brows pulling together. "And you're not happy about this? You've always wanted more children, Richard." She knows the pair haven't spoken or seen one another in months – that her son only _just_ returned back to the 12th Precinct, but she also knows how he feels about Kate – and she would've thought he'd be ecstatic knowing he was going to be a father again.

"Of course, I'm happy. I'm happy I'm going to have another child, of course I am." He was happy knowing he was going to be a father again – that he could possibly have another little Alexis running around, or a _mini him_. But his happiness was washed away – anger completely overriding it, and how dare Beckett keep this from him? How dare she take away a happy moment like this.

"But I'm angry. I'm angry, mother. She's known for _months_ … She knew it was my child right from the very beginning and she didn't tell me till now! Had I not shown up she may have never even told me." An uneasy feeling settles in the pit of his stomach as his face falls.

If he hadn't of been called by his now deceased friend, then he wouldn't have reunited with Beckett – wouldn't have been working with her once more. He would've also never have found out she was pregnant – may have heard months and months later through Roy or possibly one of the boys that Beckett was a mother, and he would've assumed it was Demming's – wouldn't have even let the thought or possibility of the child being his own cross his mind. And the idea of never knowing about his own child makes him sick, causes the anger inside of him to sit and stew.

"Oh, darling… I'm sorry." His mother gives him a sympathetic smile and he reaches for the bottle of whiskey to take another swig. "Doing that won't help, you know." A sigh falls from both their lips as Martha moves closer to him, sits herself on the edge of his desk and reaches out to squeeze his shoulder.

"Do you even know why she didn't tell you?"

His mind goes back to when the words fell from Beckett's mouth – when she told him that her baby was in fact _his_. The colour had drained from his face, his heart had stopped beating and the grip on the shovel he'd been holding had loosened and fallen to the ground. He stood frozen for god knows how long, and then his eyes had travelled down to her bump – a bump that was still smile, but noticeable and then he'd gone back to the scan he'd been shown a few days prior and the anger inside of him had boiled that he couldn't even look at her and stuck himself into digging up that stupid buried treasure. Because he had to put his hands and mind to good use – had to do something instead of letting the anger spill out of him.

She had tried to get him to talk, kept apologising profusely and it broke his heart to hear the crack in her voice and see the tears in her eyes; but he was still drowned out by the anger inside of him and he had erupted.

"She told me she was scared. That she didn't know how to tell me because she hadn't heard from me in months and that she knew I was with Gina and didn't want to come between us."

"You and Gina broke up a week ago, Richard. Did you tell her that?"

His brows pull together as he looks up at his mother. "That's beside the point, mother. She kept it from me all this time – all these months because she didn't know how to tell me? That she didn't want to get in the way of my relationship? She could've texted, called, sent an owl! I wouldn't have cared how, I would've just been happy to have been told! And regardless of my relationship status, I have the right to know I'm having another child."

"Getting pregnant with someone you're not in a relationship with is hard, but getting pregnant and then that man getting into a relationship with someone else? I can see why she wouldn't have told you straight away. And no, before you go off. I'm not making excuses for her. I'm just saying I can see where she's coming from. She probably thought she was doing the right thing, darling."

"She decided she didn't want to be with me that way, mother. She's the one who got into a relationship with somebody else before me."

"Did she? Did she tell you she didn't want to be with you, Richard? And what are you, twelve? This isn't high school. You don't get into a relationship with somebody because the woman you slept with is in a relationship with someone else."

A sigh falls from his lips, fingertips gripping the bottle of whiskey in his hands. Beckett hadn't actually ever said she didn't want to be with him; but in his eyes, it was made abundantly clear she didn't want him.

When he woke up that morning after their night together, the smile on his face had never been so wide – had never glowed as much as it did. It barely even faltered when he saw the empty space beside him – because he could smell bacon, and he knew his mother wouldn't be cooking; that she wasn't a good cook to begin with, and Alexis usually had cereal on a school morning. Which meant it was Beckett, and that she had stayed – not that she had a home to run too, but she hadn't fled to work or anything, she was still in his home.

But then she hadn't said anything to him when he walked out – didn't say anything to him about their night the entire time, even when he tried she shut him down; telling him _Not yet, Castle, later._ But later never came, and before he knew it – it was weeks later and they'd been growing apart and suddenly Tom Demming was making googly eyes at Beckett and bringing her coffee when that was _his_ job.

"Mother, I don't want to talk about this right now. It's been a long day."

Martha sighs, rising to her feet as her head shakes. "You two are the worst at communicating, I swear. You need to talk to her, Richard. You need to hear her side completely. Yes, it was wrong she kept it from you. But what's done is done, and it's out there now. You can't change that, neither of you can. So, instead of letting that anger eat away at you. Talk to her. Tell her how you're feeling, let her tell you how she's feeling and then you two can move on and focus on this wonderful creation you're bringing into the world."

* * *

After his mother had left his office, Castle had sat there continuing to drink away. His mind was whirling with so many thoughts and he just needed a break from them.

He woke up around about noon the next day, head only slightly pounding and after a much needed – long shower, he felt more energized, more refreshed. He also knew he needed to take his mother's advice and talk to Beckett – get all of this miscommunication out of the way and start focusing on the most important person in the matter; their baby.

The anger inside him had started to disintegrate, the image of holding Alexis for the very first time filling his head, and he couldn't help but imagine holding his new child for the first time; and the feeling had made him feel so happy and good inside.

Of course, once he arrived at the precinct the anger had grown once he saw Beckett, once he saw her bump that was more prominent when wearing tight-fitting clothing. And suddenly all he could imagine was never having that moment of holding his child for the first time just seconds after they're born.

His fingers curl into the palm of his hand, jaw tightening as his brows pull together and he moves across the bullpen towards Beckett's desk. "Beckett."

When her head lifts, their gaze meeting he can see the way her chest hitches and the surprise and also uncertainty in her face. "Castle, hey… what are you doing here?"

She's rising to her feet, coming around her desk to meet him, though he can't help but take a step back as she does.

"We need to talk."

Beckett's head is nodding, her index finger and thump coming to hold her other index finger. "Yes, of course. I just got back from lunch, but how about dinner tonight at my place? We can talk there?" Her brows are rising, and she's chewing on the edge of her lip as she looks over at Castle.

A sigh falls from his lips, gaze moving around the bullpen to see Ryan and Espo by their desks giving him a confused look. He turns back to face Kate, brows pulling together. "No."

"No?" Kate's brows furrow, head cocking to the side. "But I thought you wanted to talk?"

"I do want to talk. I just… we need to talk now, Beckett. My mind has been going crazy since you told me last night and I can't wait another minute."

"Castle, I can't just drop everything no matter how important this conversation is."

"Just like you couldn't drop everything to call me over the summer and tell me?"

"Castle." Her voice shuts him off sharply. "Not here."

"Why not here, Kate?" His jaw tightens as her first name rolls from his lips, hands gesturing around him as his voice grows slightly louder. "Don't want people to know? Is that?"

"Castle, please. I get that you're angry… but, _not here_." Her voice stays hushed as she steps closer, hand coming up towards his chest though he's quickly dodging and taking a step back as his head shakes, the anger inside of him building up that he just can't help himself.

"You _get_ that I'm angry? How could you possibly get or even begin to comprehend just how angry I am? You kept the fact that you're carrying my baby from me, Kate!"

He doesn't even realise his loud his voice is, or the fact that his brows are pulled together – jaw so tightened that tears are burning the rims of his lids and veins are starting to pop around his forehead and neck.

The colour has drained from Kate's face – he sees how still she goes; it completely mirroring when she told him the baby was his. Then he sees tears emerging in her eyes, sees her chest beginning to rise and fall as she's looking around the precinct and Castle's gaze follows to see a few detectives nearby before landing on Ryan and Espo and then Montgomery – all shock and horror dripping from their faces.

He turns back to Kate, his chest starting to ache – because yes, he was angry; but he didn't want to do this. Didn't want to embarrass not only himself, but Kate. He didn't want the entire world knowing – not yet, at least.

"Beckett." He breathes out, is about to take a step towards her when her gaze is dropping, head shaking as her hands raise in front of her and then he watches as she disappears in direction of the bathrooms.

* * *

He'd left as soon as Beckett had – couldn't bear to look at anyone and deal with the aftermath.

He walked around the streets of New York, ended up in Central Park and sat himself down on a bench near a playground as he watched the young kids playing, and it took him back to when he'd bring Alexis down here – how small she was, all the fun she had, had. It kills him to think that he may have not had that opportunity with the child he created with Beckett, and he wanted to stop dwelling on it. Wanted to get over the fact that she had lied to him and just focus on the new life they were bringing into the world. But it was hard.

"Which one's yours?"

His head lifts, brows pulling together as a woman smiling at him sits down beside him.

"Oh, uh, none of them. I used to bring my daughter here when she was little, always brings back happy memories." He nods, the edges of his lips curving slightly. "What about you? Which ones yours?"

"It's a lovely park, isn't it? My son is the one in the blue jacket, he's five. How old is your daughter?"

His eyes tear away momentarily, eyes glancing around to see a few boys wearing blue jackets, but he just smiles before turning his attention back to the woman. "She's sixteen."

"Oh my, how old!"

"Yeah… they grow up too fast."

"That they do. She your only kid?"

He's about to answer yes, possibly end this conversation rather quickly – even though the old him would've jumped at the opportunity at a woman approaching him and conversing with him. But then the baby he created with Beckett – the new child they're bringing into the world fills his head and his face softens, the edges of his lips curling as his gaze drifts back to the array of boys and girls playing on the jungle gym and he can't help imagine bringing his new child down here, sitting here and watching them play.

"Actually, no. One on the way." He smiles rather proudly as the woman reciprocates his smile.

"Oh wow, congratulations! How far along is your wife?"

"Just a couple of months." He nods, not bothering to fix the fact the woman had said _wife_. Because Castle didn't want to dive into it and spill out all his feelings to a complete stranger – now that would make today even more embarrassing.

Just as the woman's about to respond, a little boy in a blue jacket is running up to her.

"Mommy, come push me on the swings!"

"Just a second honey."

She's turning back to him, and Castle smiles down at the little boy giving him a shy smile. "Please, go. Don't let me stop you, I know how important swing pushing can be."

The little boys smile grows wider at Castle and his gaze returns to his mother who smiles at him. "It was lovely to have met you, congratulations again." He watches her get up and head over to the swings with her son, and It's only then does he realise how similar she is to Kate from behind. The tall body, the brown hair coming just under her shoulders and the leather jacket she's wearing and his chest can't help but hitch; heart swelling as he watches the woman lift the young boy into the swing and his pulse begins to pound as he imagines watching Kate and their child at the park.

* * *

Castle's fingers curl into a fist as he reaches out and lets his knuckles collide with the wooden door a few times.

He hears shuffling and movement coming from behind the door, and then the door's opening and a pair of blue eyes are meeting with brown.

He can see the stained cheeks and the dusted colour of rose rimming her lids and his pulse quickens, chest tightening.

"Before you go off at me again, will you just hear me out this time? Then you can yell at me all you want."

He nods, and Kate steps aside as he heads into her apartment.

He takes it all in – realises this is the first time he's ever stepped foot into her new place and he smiles at how fitting it is. The simple; _just_ Kate kind of décor – the books scattered around and the yoga mat in her living room – the guitar perched against the wall and the smell of cherries and vanilla lingering through the air.

His gaze lands on the coffee table – see's the mass amount of baby books and he _almost_ chuckles, because he can see post it notes sticking out the sides of most books, and it looks like a complete mess – though he knows that despite it looking a mess – it's completely organised for Kate.

"Do you want anything to drink?" His gaze drifts to Kate nervously standing by her kitchen island. She's chewing on the edge of her bottom lip as she holds onto her arm.

"No, I'm good thanks."

She nods, pours herself a glass of water and then retreats to sit down, he follows. Sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

"I, uh, like your place."

The edges of her lips twitch into the smallest of smiles behind the glass as her head nods. "Thanks." She pauses, swallowing the water before placing it down on the coffee table, a sigh falling from her lips.

"Look, Kate. About today at the precinct… that shouldn't have happened, I'm sorry."

Her head is shaking rather quickly as she sits back, brows pulling together and gaze landing on Castle.

"No, Castle. Don't apologise. You have nothing to apologise for, okay? You were right. I don't understand how angry you are – I won't be able to understand, and I get that you're angry, you have every right to be angry and I can't apologise enough for keeping this from you… it wasn't easy, and the guilt was unbearable. It was one of the stupidest things I've ever done."

He watches the way her hand travels to rest against her bump, how her thumb gently runs back and forth over the fabric and he's noticed – well, from the short period of time he was back at the precinct, that she does this a lot when something's serious, and the edges of his lips can't help but twitch into the tiniest of smiles.

"When did you find out you were pregnant, Beckett?"

A sigh falls from her lips, brows pulling together as she chews on the edge of her lip. "Your last day." She speaks so quietly, but Castle doesn't miss it.

His pulse skips a beat, continues to quicken as he looks over at Kate, the anger inside of him beginning to boil, though he quickly controls himself by swallowing the lump in his throat and letting his fingers curl into his palm – he's not going to let this anger override him, and he's not going to yell at her again – can't bear to see her crying because of him.

It then dawns on him that she had dragged him away from everyone that final day, that she was going to tell him something – and when Gina had shown up, she had looked so… hurt.

"You were going to tell me… before Gina showed up… weren't you?"

She nods, teeth digging further into her bottom lip. "I had just broken up with Demming and at first I wasn't going to tell you. I was going to wait a couple of days at least. But then… yeah, Gina showed up. A-and I was hurt, okay, Castle? I was hurt and I know I didn't have any right to be because I had already turned you down about the Hamptons numerous of times. But seeing you two walk away together… it just really stung."

Another lump is forming in his throat as his chest rises, pulse pounding in his ears.

"I just… I don't get why you were hurt, Kate. You didn't want to be with me. You made that perfectly clear after our night together, and then you got with Demming…"

"Rick, I wasn't ready to deal with it all back then. A serial killer blew up my apartment – tried to blow me up with it. It was a lot for me to handle, and I just wanted to put the case to rest before I even started thinking about what you and I did. I thought you got that?"

"I didn't get that, Kate. You said we'd talk about it later. But later never came."

"You started distancing yourself from me – from the precinct… I just assumed you had started to regret what we did. And then… then Demming came along and he…" _Gave me attention – made me feel what you made me feel_.

A sigh falls from Kate's lips as her face falls into the palm of her hand, her elbow resting against the edge of the couch.

"Then I peed on a stick, and I was pregnant. So, I broke things off with Demming… was about to tell you, and then Gina showed up. And despite what you may think, I do care about you, Castle. I care about your happiness too and… you looked happy with Gina. I didn't want to ruin that, and I knew me being pregnant could possibly do just that. I'd never forgive myself if I had ruined your shot at happiness… I still don't want too and I hope… I hope Gina doesn't hate me."

"Gina and I, we broke up."

"I'm sorry, Castle…"

At first, it had been fine. Even felt like old times, but the entire summer it was as if he was trapped back in their bickering marriage. He's not even sure what it was, maybe lack of spark? Lack of magic? He's not sure, but something was off – just didn't feel right, and it resulted in them never having a civil conversation. He knew they couldn't go on like this again, so they talked; and both mutually felt the same about ending things.

"It's fine. It was a mutual decision." He pauses before continuing. "You still could've told me, Beckett. I deserved to know."

"I know… I know you do. I was just-"

"You were hurt, yes, you already said. But that's no excuse."

A sigh falls from her lips, head shaking.

"I wasn't just hurt. I was scared."

"Scared? Of what?"

"Of everything… nothing? I don't know. I've never even though about being a mother; I've always been so focused on my work. When I found out, I was terrified… and then – when you walked away with Gina I just took that as a sign that maybe I'm supposed to do this all on my own. That just like everything else in my life, I have to do this alone. When my mom died, I built up a wall. I stopped living – stopped existing. I became so focused on the sole purpose of finding the man who did this to her that nothing else seemed important – seemed important."

Tears have pricked her eyes, and her hands are holding her stomach as she stares down at it, her bottom lip between her teeth.

"I don't know how to be a mom, Castle. I can barely even take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of somebody else? I'm a mess, my life is a mess and I'm bringing a baby into all of that and I'm scared. I'm so scared and I just wish she were here, Castle. She would've known what to do… what to say."

His heart can't help but ache for her and all he wants to do is reach over and hold her, tell her that she has nothing to be scared of and that she'll make a great mother – a brilliant one. But he restrains himself, lets her keep going.

"I've just gotten so used to be alone and doing everything on my own that it didn't occur to me that maybe this time I wouldn't have to do it all on my own. I see how devoted you are to Alexis, and I know you'll be devoted to this baby as well, but when I watched you walk away and then didn't hear from you… I was afraid if I told you that you wouldn't even want it, and that I'd have to face all of this on my own."

A sigh falls from his lips, brows pulling together as he scoots towards her, hand reaching out to wipe away the few tears that have fallen down her cheeks.

"I'm still mad, Kate. And I need time to get over this anger. But… you're not doing this on your own. You won't be doing any of this on your own. I want this baby, and I'm going to be here every step of the way. You won't be doing this alone, you never will. And you're going to make a great mother, you'll make an amazing one."

He watches the edges of her lips slowly curve, hears her sniffle and watches her wipe away her wet eyes.

"I'm really sorry, Castle."

He shakes his head, because she's apologised enough, and saying sorry over and over won't get them anywhere.

"From now on, you tell me everything that I need to know, okay? And I mean it when I say I'm going to be here for you and this baby, Kate. I'll be there for every appointment, every class. Even in the middle of the night if you get a weird craving and need someone to run to the store. I'm here, okay?"

Her smile grows wider, and although Rick's brows are pulled together, he can't help but reciprocate the smile.

"Okay."

He watches her rise from the couch and retreat to the kitchen island where she grabs something out of her bag. "Until we go to the next one… you should have this."

He's getting to his feet to meet her half way as he takes the ultrasound image he'd seen a few days prior. The first time he'd looked at it – he hadn't actually looked at it properly, only glimpsed at it, because he couldn't bear to see a sonogram of what he thought was Kate and Demming's baby.

He takes it all in now, every inch of the image that there is and tears prick his eyes as his thumb smooths over the image, a wide smile spreading across his lips. "Our baby." He breathes out, gaze not being able to tear away from the small head outline and his vision starts to blur from the tears in his eyes.

Kate hesitates for a moment before she's taking the edge of his writs and pulling his hand away from the sonogram to rest it against her small bump. She watches his eyes travel from the sonogram to her bump, his smile growing wider. "Our baby." She repeats his words, watches the smile on his face grow as he's bending down, both hands coming to rest against her stomach as he looks up at her.

"Is this okay?"

She nods, watches his smile grow as his gaze drops to her stomach.

"Hey peanut... I'm your daddy."


	7. Chapter 7

Kate's standing outside the doctor's office, hands stuffed into the pockets of her coat with her lips shrewd together while she waits for Castle.

It'd been over a month since she told him the news that he was the father, and slowly the two had been getting back to the friendship and partnership they once had. There were still moments she could tell he was tense and angry at her, and didn't trust her completely; but he was trying his hardest to, and that's all that mattered.

Kate was twenty weeks now; her growing bump becoming more prominent day by day. Though she was still able to shield her small stomach by wearing clothes that were bigger and baggier. She usually avoided wearing tight fitting clothes to work, considering you could easily tell she was pregnant; and most suspects didn't seem to take her seriously – only riled her up by saying her 'pregnancy brain' was making her think completely wrong.

Today was their first scan together, and Kate felt as nervous as she did when she arrived to her first appointment months ago.

Her teeth begin to sink into the pink dusted flesh of her lips, brows pulling together as she looks down both ends of the street. The edges of her lips soon pull upwards as she spots Castle hurrying down the street towards her, a smile creasing his lips as he sees her and raises his arm to wave at her.

"Sorry I'm late! You know how traffic in New York is." A small chuckle slips through his lips as he comes to a halt in front of Kate.

"You're fine, Castle. Just on time." She pulls her hands out of her pockets, cocks her head towards the front doors to the doctor's office. "Come on."

"How's little Cosmo today?" Castle asks as he opens the door for Kate, though all he receives is a glare in his direction.

"I told you to stop calling our baby that, Castle." Her brows pull together as she heads past him, Castle following behind as they head towards the elevators.

"What? It's a great name!"

"Yeah, for a _cocktail_. Not a child." She rolls her eyes, thumb jabbing the up button.

"It's a great name for a child too!" Castle's brows furrow, lips forming into a small pout.

"Don't sulk, Castle." She shakes her head, a smirk playing on her lips.

"I'm not sulking! I'm simply projecting my disapproval in your disapproval."

"Yeah, okay. However you want to put it. Still sulking." Her tongue slips through her lips, teeth sinking into it as she looks over at him.

* * *

"Okay, this is going to be a little cold." The doctor says as she begins to squirt out the gel onto Kate's stomach.

Kate can't help but shiver slightly, teeth digging into her bottom lip. She'd had multiple appointments – but every time she came, she still couldn't get used to the coolness of the gel against her bare skin.

"You know, your stomach really does look much bigger when you're not covering it."

Kate's head turns, brow raising to Castle standing behind her, his head cocked to the side and gaze locked on her stomach.

"I-I don't mean that in a bad way." He quickly states, eyes widening slightly as he meets Kate's gaze.

The edges of her eyes crinkle, lips lifting into a small smile as an airy chuckle slips through her lips. "Relax, you're fine, Castle. I know what you mean." She reaches out, patting his arm lightly before letting her arm drop down beside her.

Kate's attention turns back to the screen the doctor has now adjusted to face them. She watches as the doctor starts spreading around the gel, fingers typing away on the keyboard before the image of their baby is coming up on the screen and Kate's chest rises, heart swelling.

It's not long before the sound of a heartbeat is filling the air and it takes Kate a few seconds to recognise that it's not her own heart beat filling the room – that it's the baby's. Her smile only breaks out wider, tears starting to burn the rims of her lids as she looks over at Castle to see a wide smile plastered across his face, gaze dazed as her stares at the screen in awe.

"That's our baby." He murmurs, gaze turning to Kate and she nods, reaches out to wrap her fingers around his wrist, thumb smoothing over his skin.

"Everything looks normal, and baby is healthy." The doctor pauses, leaning back as she looks over at Castle and Beckett. "Were you wanting to find out the gender today? Because I can let you know."

Kate's turning her attention to Castle who's fingertips have now intertwined with hers, causing her pulse to only speed up.

"It's up to you." He says, squeezing her hand, but Kate shakes her head, brows pulling together.

"No, it's up to both of us." She wanted to make sure he felt included every step of the way, that all the anger still left in him would disintegrate if she continued to prove to him she wanted him in their child's life, that she was trying to do the right thing now.

"I kinda want to know." He states, and Kate nods, the edges of her lips curling. Truth be told, she didn't mind either way. If they didn't find out; it'd be a surprise, but on the other hand, finding out now would mean they'd be able to plan things a head – have names and colour schemes and necessities all picked out without having to worry at the last minute.

She places her other hand over Castle's, squeezing it lightly before she's turning back to face the doctor, her chest rising slightly as her pulse begins to pick up. "We'd like to know."

The doctor nods before turning back to the computer for a few minutes to do a few things before she's turning back to the pair, a smile stretching across her face. "Congratulation's, mom and dad – you're having a _boy_."

She hadn't even started to think about what she would have, had only been consumed on the fact that she was having a child. Hadn't even thought about the gender. But as soon as the word _boy_ left the doctor's lips, all Kate could imagine was a miniature version of Castle and herself – a small boy with bright blue eyes and shaggy brown hair and sun kissed skin with a smile that could melt hearts and a sense of humor that'd leave you breathless for days.

She could already see him and Castle getting into all sorts of shenanigans that would usually have her groaning and rolling her eyes at – but with a sweet face she knows her son will have, it's going to be hard to stay mad.

She can imagine her father taking him out fishing – up to the cabin and trying to teach him everything while also telling him all about his grandmother, and it warms her heart.

She can already see Ryan and Espo being overexcited about Kate having a boy. All the fun they'll want to have with him. And she can already picture Alexis getting irritated by her little brother getting into all of her things and Martha trying to get him to do performances with her.

It warms her heart completely, and she hasn't even realised it; but she's a complete mess. Tears that had emerged earlier were now streaming down her cheeks, the smile on her face so big she's sure it'll get stuck like that. Her hand is gripping Castle's rather tightly as his words fill the air.

"A boy. We're having a boy." Castle chuckled, leaning slightly closer as he squeezed Kate's hands back, eyes traveling from her stomach up to her face, their eyes meeting. "Thank you." He mumbles, tears emerging in the rims of his own lids and Kate's teeth sink into her bottom lip, eyes fluttering closed as she shakes her head – he doesn't need to say thank you, if anyone should be saying it, it should be her. But instead of saying anything all she does is lean into him, her head pressing into the side of his arm.

* * *

"You like this one?" Castle's brow quirks as he looks over at Kate and holds up a white onesie with tiny grey elephants covering it.

As soon as they'd left the doctor's office, they both decided to head to the store and go shopping for baby supplies. They were only going to get a few things here and there and order the rest online – but once they entered the department store, there was no stopping them from filling up the cart all the way.

Kate looks over, the edges of her lips instantly pulling up as her heart starts to swell. She steps over to him, takes a hold of the onesie. "I love it." She beams up at him, before dropping her gaze back down, thumbs smoothing over the material before she's carefully placing it into the already overgrowing cart.

"It reminded me of your tattoo."

Kate's eyes can't help but widen, a lump forming in the middle of her throat as red starts to dust her cheeks. She looks over her shoulder at him, sees the smirk playing on his lips at catching her off guard and she quickly shoots him a look.

"Hey! Don't pretend like I haven't seen that elephant on your hip bone. That's kinda how we're having a kid together." He laughs, and there's a pang of guilt inside of her, but she lets it subside, can hear the tone in his voice is nothing but light – no resentment lingering behind his words.

"What is with your fascination with elephants, anyways? I've always been meaning to ask about the family of elephants you have on your desk."

Her chest can't help but hitch as she pushes the cart forwards, brows pulling together as she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth. "They were my mom's…" She pauses, tries to focus on the new born clothing in front of her. "Before they were on my desk she used to keep them on hers. She would joke about how they were a family – me, my mom, my dad…" Kate trails off, a smile stretching across her face as tears burn the rims of her lids.

She feels Castle's hands against her lower back and her chest rises as she blinks a few times before turning to face him. "She loved elephants, loved everything about them and after she died I got an elephant on my hip bone in memory of her… also decided to keep the elephants on my desk so she could be with me all the time."

"That's beautiful, Kate." His voice is soft, and Kate closes her eyes momentarily, feels Castle's hand rubbing small circles against her back. "How come you never told me?" His head cocks to the side and Kate digs her teeth into her bottom lip.

"You never asked." She tries to make it come out like a joke, tries to let the sarcasm drip through her lips – but it's barely there, the sorrow too evident in her voice.

He smirks at her though, sees what she was trying to do and tries to continue it, steer her away from where her mind might possibly wonder. "I am truly wounded by that, Beckett. Here I am, following you around daily, and I don't even get these cute little details." His head is shaking, and Kate rolls her eyes, the edges of her lips pulling up into a small smirk.

* * *

"You want warm milk, really?" His brow raises before pulling together as he gives Kate a look of confusement, though she only rolls her eyes at him as her phone starts to go off.

"I can't drink caffeine, and I really just want some warm milk. He wants it okay, stop judging me." She shoots him another look, hand resting against her stomach as the other pulls out her phone, bringing it to her ear. "Beckett."

"Detective Beckett?"

"Yeah."

"This is John Raglan. I was the lead investigator in your mother's homicide twelve years ago."

The familiar name and the mention of her mother has her blood running cold, heart coming to a stop as her lips gape open. She blinks a few times, looks over at Castle raising a brow at her and her brows pull together as she steps out of the line, heads over to one of the empty corners in the coffee shop.

"I remember you, Detective Raglan."

"Listen I – we need to talk about your mother's case. There's something you don't know. there's a coffee shop at fourth and main – meet me there in an hour. Just you, no cops."

He hangs up before she can even respond – can recollect what's happening. She's stuck standing there with a look of bewilder while her pulse pounds beneath her ribs, the sound traveling up to her ears and causing a deafening sound as the sounds through the coffee shop get drowned out.

She almost jumps – screams when she feels a hand on her shoulder, and she whips round to see Castle standing behind her with two to go cups and a look of concern across his face.

"Hey, you okay?"

She opens her mouth to speak, but there's a lump lodged in her throat and she's finding it difficult to swallow and get out any words.

"Th – he." She stops, pauses, head shaking as she closes her eyes and sucks in a deep breath before exhaling and swallowing the lump in her throat. She looks over Castle's shoulder as she steps closer to him; makes sure nobody can hear them. "That was John Raglan… the lead investigator in my mom's case."

Castle's brows pull together as he looks down at Kate. "Why – why was he calling you?"

"He said there was something I don't know… and that he wants to meet me in an hour."

Her tongue sweeps out to moisten her lips, chest rising once more as she steps back and lets her gaze drift out the window.

Was she finally going to make an even bigger break in her mom's case? Was this going to be another step closer to who hired Dick Coonan – or was she going to get stuck in another dead end?

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Castle's voice pulls her from her thoughts, head turning to look at him.

"He told me to come alone. No cops, just me."

Castle nods, drops his gaze to the cups in his hands, but Kate's quickly speaking again.

"But I want you to come with me, Castle." He's her _partner_ – the man she wanted by her side when she finally brought her mother justice, and whatever John Raglan had to say, she wanted Castle there to hear it.

* * *

They enter the coffee shop, Kate's hands shaking and chest rising as brown orbs scan around the room before landing on the familiar detective sitting in a booth. "That's him." She murmurs to Castle beside her before she's pushing away and heading towards the booth.

She slips in, Castle following suit as John looks up at Kate, gaze snapping to Castle as his brows pull together.

"Lady, what part of no cops didn't you understand?"

"He's not a cop."

"Well, who the hell is he?"

Kate's gaze drops before flicking to the side, her pulse still pounding. "He's someone I trust." She finally says as she feels Castle's hand slip into hers and give her a gentle squeeze.

"Tell me what I don't know about my mom's murder."

"Everybody drinks their coffee out of cardboard cups these days. Or those plastic travel mugs, but there's something about the way ceramic warms your hands that…" He pauses, a laugh escaping. "It' weird, the things you notice. I just got the long face from the Doc. Lymphoma. Six months."

Kate's pulse only beats faster, her ribs beginning to ache from how hard and fast her chest was beating. He only had six months to live – which to her meant he knew something important – maybe who hired Coonan – knew who was running this whole operation. And he wanted to get it off his chest, die peacefully. She tries to calm herself, not get so ahead of herself or let her hopes rise.

"Sorry to hear about that." She replies, a breath coming out with her words as she squeezes Castle's hand once more.

"Congratulations." John nods down to her stomach and Kate's cheeks heat up, gaze dropping to her growing bump as the edges of her lips curl, gaze flicking to land on Castle momentarily.

"Thank you." She murmurs, eyes landing back on John who's eyes are slightly hooded, the sorrow in his face more evident.

"Every year around the holidays, they run that Christmas Carol on local TV. When I was a kid I remember that Jacob Marley scared the hell out of me. Forced to drag that, that chain around in the next world."

"I wear the chain I forged in life." Castle chimes in, glancing at Kate momentarily before looking back at John who continues.

"I made it link by link. I hid a lot of sins behind my badge, and now I gotta carry 'em. But your mothers case, that one weighs a ton."

There's no denying Kate's chest hitching, pulse still pounding hard beneath her chest as her free hand comes to rest at her stomach, thumb smoothing back and forth.

"Why? Because you wrote it off as random gang violence when you knew it wasn't?" She tries to not let her voice shake – sound so _harsh_. But she was trying her best to get over the anger and resentment she felt to everyone writing her mother's case off as _nothing_.

"I did what I was told. And I kept quiet because I was afraid. About a year ago there was a hostage standoff at your precinct. You killed a hit man named Dick Coonan. It was a big deal in the papers. People noticed."

A lump forms in Kate's throat, the memories of shooting Dick Coonan in the chest so vivid in her mind.

She still wakes some nights from nightmares of not shooting Coonan in time – and it being Castle bleeding out on the floor. Other times it's her Dick shoots. But what she can't get out of her head the most is watching the life drain from his eyes and his blood staining her fingertips that she felt the sticky dew under her nails for weeks after that.

"Who hired Coonan to kill my mom?"

"You need some context here. This thing started about nineteen years ago, back before I even knew who Johanna Beckett was. Nineteen years ago I made a big mistake. And that started the dominoes falling, and one of them was your mother."

Before Kate can even ask him anything, a bullet is flying through the window, John's ceramic coffee mug exploding as the warm liquid splashes onto both him and Castle and Beckett.

"Everyone on the ground, now! Back away from the window!" Kate quickly shouts out to the already chaotic coffee shop as her and Castle are darting to the ground and she's pulling out her gun.

"You're hit!" Castle's voice is strangled, tears burning his eyes as he reaches out towards Kate and for a split second a wave of nausea washes over her as she glances down at the red stain covering her chest and stomach. Her pulse pounds for a few seconds before she realises it's _not_ her blood – it's John's.

"I'm fine, it's not my blood." Her chest rises, hand reaching out to grip his arm quickly as she sees the relief wash over him. "One Lincoln fourty, I have shots fired on fourth and main. I need back up and an ambulance." Kate quickly speaks into her radio as she watches Castle move forwards, his hands covering John's bullet wound, applying pressure to it.

She watches him, his head lifting, eyes wide as his head shakes and she feels the ache in her chest tighten, but she holds back the tears threatening to burn her eyes as she speaks into her radio once more. "One Lincoln Fourty, please be advised this is now a homicide."

* * *

"Retired NYPD cop gunned down in front of one of my people, which means I'm gonna have to do a damn press conference. Tell me you didn't come down here without back up? You're pregnant, Kate. You can't be going out rogue like this." Roy speaks, disapproval radiating off of him as Kate's chest hitches.

"Sir I…" She's about to confess that she did in fact come down here without backup – without a bullet proof vest even covering her growing stomach, and that she feels guiltier than ever – but Ryan and Espo are quickly stepping up behind her.

"We were backing her, Captain." Ryan cuts in.

"Yeah, we were uh, just down the block when it happened." Espo speaks, brows raised as he looks down the street before back at Roy.

She tries not to smile, but shoots the boys a look of _'thank you'_. They always had her back, and she appreciated them more than ever.

"Yeah, uh huh. The hell am I gonna do with you?" Roy turns his attention back to Kate, not even buying for a second Ryan and Espo were backing her up.

"You're gonna let me work this case."

"You're too close to it, it's all over your face. You're thinking, what was Raglan going to tell me before he died? When you should be thinking how you're gonna catch the guy that killed him."

"Sir, Raglan was killed because he was going to tell me something about my mother's case. Nobody knows it better than I do."

"Yeah, but I know you. You're gonna want to pick up those scissors and run around the house with them. But I'm telling you now, walk, don't run. You've got a child coming soon, Kate. You can't be diving back into this and risk not only your life, but that baby's. So, go where the evidence leads, not the other way round. Do you read me?"

"Yes sir. Loud and clear."

She watches him give her one last look before he's heading off and she lets out a sigh of relief, hands coming to rest against her stomach, hands rubbing small circles as her eyes fall closed briefly before she's opening them and heading inside the coffee shop to meet with Ryan and Espo and learn what they know.

After they've checked everything out and she's given Ryan and Espo some orders she sees Castle approaching.

"Hey… you good?" Her brows pull together as he comes to stop in front of her.

"Yeah. I think I got it all off my hands."

"It's different when it happens right in front of you. Close enough to watch the lights go out." She's taken back to the night she took Coonan's life. Watched the bullet soar through his chest and his body hit the cold hard floorboards of the precinct. She'd pumped his chest for god knows how long, his blood coating her hands as she saw the life drain from his eyes, the beating of his heart coming to a still as his body became nothing but limp and she can't help but shudder of Castle having to deal with blood staining his own skin and seeing the light go out in John's eyes – she should've never brought Castle along. "I'm so sorry, Castle. I shouldn't have made you come."

His head shakes, hands coming to rest against her arms as he squeezes softly. "You didn't make me come, I wanted to come. I'm glad I came… when I saw the blood on your shirt I thought… I thought you'd been shot, that our son had been shot."

Her chest rises, tears coming to the rims of her eyes as she quickly closes them, tongue slipping out of her mouth to moisten her lips as she swallows the lump in her throat, hand coming to rest at her stomach, her grip tightening.

"If I hadn't of come with you, who knows what could've happened."

He's pulling her into his chest, and she doesn't fight it. Only wraps her arms around him, her grip growing tighter as her face buries into the crook of his neck. The feel of his arms around her and the warmth radiating from his body can't help but soothe her – calm her down.

"Um." She pauses, pulls back from him, but keeps her arms still wrapped around his waist. "I'm gonna go to the twelfth. How about I drop you off, your place?"

"Not a chance." His brows are furrowing, grip tightening slightly and Kate nods, doesn't fight him on it. Because she can see the fear that's growing in his eyes, and she knows with his help; they'll crack this case wide open.

"Okay."

His gaze drops to her stomach, his hand coming round to rest against it as his brows pull together, thumb rubbing back and forth. "Just… take it slow, okay?"

She nods, hand coming to rest atop of his as the edges of her lips curl slightly before she's pulling away from him altogether, though still keeping their fingers intertwined as she pulls him towards the exit of the coffee shop. "Our son comes first, I'm going to play it safe. I promise."


	8. Chapter 8

"Assault, attempted murder, extortion, possession with intent, witness intimidation. Then it looks like it just dies up. Nobody's booked him in years." Kate speaks, brows pulling together as she looks down at the file she's grasping in her hands.

A man who'd been running half the drug trade in New York that the NYPD couldn't seem to get a warrant on – no matter what he did, he managed to get away with it, and it only boiled Kate's blood even more.

After they'd found out Raglan was a widower and had no next of kin, they moved on to the one visitor he seemed to have; an old academy classmate by the name of Gary McCallister. Ryan and Espo tracked him down, managed to get him to come in, and after Kate and Castle had spoken to him; he'd only given them one name that Raglan had been involved with nineteen years ago – Vulcan Simmons.

It's who's file they're now looking at while they stand in front of the murder board.

"So, what does that mean? He found religion?" Castle asks, head cocked to the side slightly as he looks back and forth between the murder board and the case file Kate's holding.

"Means he got smart. Swimming in deeper waters." Esposito adds, before Ryan follows after him. "Guess he's come a long way since Washington Heights."

Kate's attention snaps from the case file she'd intently been reading, her pulse skipping a beat as her mouth suddenly goes dry. "Wait, what? You said Washington Heights?" She's hoping she hadn't hear incorrectly, that Ryan had in fact said those words.

"Back in the day, Simmons used to run the drug trade in Washington Heights."

Kate's pulse pounds, a lump forming in the middle of her throat. Now it made sense why Raglan and Simmons were connected. How it had all started _nineteen years ago_ like Raglan had said. Simmons had something to do with this – possibly _the reason_ why Dick Coonan was ordered to murder her mother.

Her tongue sweeps out across her bottom lip as she leans back against her desk she's sitting on. "My mom and a group of her colleagues, they put together this campaign called Take Back the Neighbourhood. They were trying to get drug dealers off the streets in Washington Heights."

"With Simmons running all the dope in that neighbourhood, that campaign would've cost him. That hitman, Coonan, we know that he was into dope. Maybe that's how Simmons got in contact with him." Ryan adds, while Kate closes the case file, her slender digits gripping the brown texture.

"So, Simmons hires Coonan to kill them all – including your mother, and pays his old friend, Raglan, to write off their homicides as random gang violence. There would have been no way to trace the murders back to him." Castle looks over at Kate as he speaks, and her head turns to face him, brows pulling together once more.

"Until Raglan threatens to reveal his role in the conspiracy, and Simmons has him silenced."

Kate doesn't even hear Esposito speak, her pulse is pounding, the sound deafening her ears. Was she _finally_ going to figure out why exactly her mother had been killed? Was she going to _finally_ get the justice she had so desperately been searching for, for twelve years?

She feels Castle's hand on her shoulder, and she snaps herself from her thoughts, see's that Ryan and Espo have gone off – probably to track down and bring in Simmons.

"You okay?" He squeezes her shoulder gently, and Kate sucks in a breath, chest rising before she's nodding her head at him, the edges of her lips slightly curling upwards.

"Yeah, I'm good, Castle. Just… wanting this to all be the end of it." She doesn't want to say she _hopes_ this will all be the end of it – knows getting her hopes up will only result in them being shattered, and she doesn't want this lead to send her to another dead end. She wants this to be it – finally wants to officially close her mother's case instead of it gathering dust in the archives and having a random act of gang violence be the reason her mother's life had been taken.

Maybe now she'll finally be able to breathe – be so much more for not only herself, but the son Castle and her were about to have.

* * *

"You've painted since the last time I was here. You'd have been about sixteen, wrestling some pimply kid in the back of his daddy's wagon, wondering if you were gonna give it to him or not." Vulcan's voice fills the interrogation room, and Kate sits across from him, Castle by her side.

Her hands are clasped together, resting atop of the metal table. The rims of her lids are already threatening to burn as she stares over at the man who could possibly have _everything_ to do with the reason why her mother was no longer here today, and it only makes her pulse pound harder beneath the cage of her ribs.

"Guess you did." Vulcan's gaze travels down to Kate's bump, which only makes her uncomfortable as she shifts slightly in her chair before Vulcan's gaze lands on Castle.

"Hey, that's enough." Castle cuts in and she refrains from letting the edges of her lips curl – because now isn't the time to start thinking about Castle, and how he's so quick to defend her in any situation.

"He's sweet on you. Makes him brave."

Kate ignores him, only cuts straight to the chase.

"What was your association with Detective John Raglan?"

"Raglan. Raglan, Raglan, Raglan." Vulcan pauses, gaze travelling around the room before landing back on Kate. "Thirsty cop, right? Couldn't pick a winner to save his life. But, Detective, our association, as you put it, exceeded the statute of limitations many moons ago."

"There is no statute of limitations on murder, Mr. Simmons." Her head cocks to the side, brows raising in the slightest as her lips twitch into what could be perceived as a smirk.

"And here begins what is known as 'the initial confrontation'. During this phase of the interrogation, interrogator may invade the suspects space in order to increase his discomfort. Do you want to invade my personal space?" His sentence ends with his gaze travelling to land on Castle.

Her jaw tightens, fingers gripping each other. "Look at me."

Castle and him stare at each other momentarily, Simmons following Kate's orders and letting his gaze land on her. Their eyes meet, and the pounding in her chest aches.

"Twelve years ago, Johanna Beckett led a big Take back the Neighbourhood campaign in Washington Heights."

"And that must've pissed you off." Castle chimes in, though Vulcan only ignores what the duo are saying.

"And this would be theme development. Presenting the crime through the eyes of the suspect."

"Johanna Beckett was murdered, along with two of her colleagues. They were professional hits, carried out on your orders. And you had your pet homicide detective, John Raglan, bury them."

Kate glances down, flips over the image resting atop of the case file as she slides the image of her mother's corpse across the table towards Vulcan.

"Look at her face. Tell me you don't remember her."

"You know, Detective Beckett… I think I do remember her." He pauses briefly as he leans in, his lids half closed as the edges of his lips lift into the smallest of smirks. "Bled out in an alley like the trash she was."

Kate's jaw tightens, pulse causing a deafening ringing in her ears as her lids slowly start to burn. "Mr. Simmons, you better watch it…"

He cuts her off, continues on with the words that are managing to seep under Kate's fingernails and course through the stream of her blood that only seem to poison her.

"Rich bitch from Uptown on Safari in the Heights. Someone should have warned her not to feed or tease the animals. If they had, she might not have gotten eaten."

The tears have emerged in Kate's eyes, burning the rims of her lids as her jaw only tightens more, a lump forming in the middle of her throat as her chest slowly rises.

He was getting to her, he knew it, she knew it; and there was nothing she could do but stare into the space he'd once been sitting in as he rises to his feet, starts buttoning his coat together.

"From what I hear, though, ha… she was pretty tasty." He's laughing, a snarky, bitter laugh that makes her blood boil to the point of spilling out and there's no controlling her – no stopping her from grunting and rising to her feet, her arms reaching out to grab at Vulcan's collar as she quickly thrusts his body hard into the one-sided mirror – it only cracking.

"Whoa, Beckett!" Castle calls out, and Kate can hear him rising to his feet – though she refuses to let him tear her away.

"Back off, Castle!" Her voice roars as her grip on Vulcan's collar tightens, and she's leaning in, her breath mixing and mingling with Vulcan's breathy air of laughter. "Remember your old life, Vulcan. Savour it. Because I am gonna take it all away." She grits her teeth, gaze travelling back and forth between his eyes as the door bursts open – Ryan and Esposito now at her side.

"Stand down."

"Beckett, that's enough."

She can't let go of him, her grip only tightens and she wants to shove Vulcan back against the one-sided mirror again, and again – keep going till the glass shatters around him – cuts through his skin so he can feel what her mother felt when Coonan lodged that knife into her mother's body over and over again.

But Espo's taking a hold of her wrist, trying to draw her back from Simmons and she can feel larger hands against her waist – presumably Castle's, and he's pulling her towards him, away from Vulcan as Esposito stands in between Kate and Vulcan. She doesn't fight it, doesn't go back in to try do more damage, only shoves away from Castle's touch and storm out of the interrogation room.

* * *

"I have to kick that son of a bitch loose now, you realise that." Roy's voice cuts through the air as he paces down to stand in front of his desk, looking over at Kate standing before him.

"Sir, you heard him. He as much as confessed to the murder!" Kate speaks, leaning in as she leans down against the Captain's desk.

"Come on, he's playing you! And you let him get under your skin acting like a damn rookie! We've got nothing to tie him to Raglan's murder or your mother's. You're off this case."

Kate's gaze snaps to land on Roy, a lump forming in the middle of her throat, as her eyes widen; tears remerging around the rims of her lids as her pulse pounds, lips gaping as her head shakes in the slightest. He can't kick her off this case – he can't just ignore this like it's nothing, they can't keep hitting dead ends.

"No, Sir, you can't do that."

"I just did."

"No." Kate's head shakes, but Roy's quickly filling the room, his voice raising high.

"I just did! Now you go home."

Kate only stands there, somewhat lifeless as she stares at Montgomery – hopes that he'll change his mind.

"You focus on that baby of yours, because this – this isn't good for you, Beckett." His voice softens as he gives her a look, tells her he won't be changing his mind – that taking her off is what's best.

Her head shakes, a breath of air flaring from her nostrils as she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, tears threatening to fall and she quickly heads out of Montgomery's office and towards her desk – ignoring Castle and the boys waiting outside for her.

"Beckett?" Castle calls out, though Kate only ignores – can't stop and deal with this because she's about to lose it completely, and she'd rather do it in private than in the eyes of all her colleagues.

"Kate?"

He's calling out to her again, but her feet won't allow her to do anything but continue walking away – past her desk where she grabs her jacket and tosses it over her shoulder. She wants to stop – wants to tell Castle and the boys what's going on; that she's off the case, but she's so close to breaking down completely and she just needs to get out of here.

* * *

It's Saturday morning, and Kate's sitting back, slumped on the couch. Her hands are on her stomach, fingers slowly moving in circles as her chest rises and falls, tears slowly cascading down the frame of her face as she lets out a huff.

She hates that even though she tried not to get her hopes up about Vulcan Simmons – she did. She thought this entire mess would be over, that she could stop hiding behind the rabbit hole she'd fallen down into twelve years ago. That when her son finally came along, she wouldn't be such a mess.

When she left the precinct yesterday, she had gone straight home – done nothing but break down in the comfort of her living room. She couldn't drown her sorrows in alcohol, which is what she would've done had she not had a child growing inside of her. So, Kate did the other thing that always helped drown her sorrows – work. Started working on the murder board she started making months ago for her mom's case. She had to do something and keep herself busy – keep herself from disobeying her Captain's orders and sneaking back into the precinct to take a look at Raglan's case and find out more info on Vulcan Simmons.

She'd had plenty of missed calls from Castle, and to stop him from coming over; which she knew he would if she didn't respond sooner or later, she told him she needed the night to herself, that tomorrow she'd call him.

But now it was almost noon, and Kate hadn't even touched her phone – left it on her bedside table as she slumped down onto the couch.

There's a knock at the door, and she sniffles, lifts her hand to wipe away the tears staining her cheeks as she carefully rises to her feet, pads through her apartment towards the front door where she's grabbing the handle and pulling it open.

She should've known Castle would be on the other side – she should've fixed herself up more, made herself look more presentable instead of looking as if she'd just been crying.

The edges of her lips slowly curl upwards as her hands come to rest at her hips, tugging at her shirt slightly.

"Hey, Castle."

"Hey." He smiles at her, though as he studies her face more, his smile soon drops and Kate thinks he's about to ask her how she is, but instead he's pulling a bouquet of flowers out from behind his back and a small plush grey elephant. Kate's hands drop to her sides, brows raising slightly as her pulse begins to pound, heart threatening to combust beneath her ribs.

"Uh, I brought you some… I just thought, after everything, that you might want a… _here_." He struggles, and she can see he's nervous as he hands the bouquet and elephant towards her. "The elephant is for peanut, to go with – his onesie… I thought, yeah."

Kate's lips pull upwards into a warm smile as she takes the flowers and elephant in her hands. "Thank you. It's really sweet… you want to come in?" Her teeth lightly dig into her bottom lip as she looks up at him and he nods his head, responds with an eager sure and she nods her head back at him, turning round to head back into her apartment as Castle follows, closing and locking the door behind him.

Kate carefully places the elephant and flowers down before she's searching for one of her best vases to put the flowers in.

"You know, I was thinking on the way over here… All the best cops – Dirty Harry, Cobra, guy from Police Academy who makes the helicopter noises – they all have one thing in common."

Kate's brow hitches as she stops filling the vase of water up. Her brows pull together in confusion as she listens to Castle, and as he comes to a stop she cuts in, a smirk creasing her lips.

"A plucky sidekick?"

"That – and they always do their very best work after they've been booted off a case."

"Is that what you came all the way over here to tell me?" She smirks at him, narrows her gaze slightly. She isn't exactly sure _where_ he's getting at; but she has an inkling.

"Montgomery booted us off the Raglan murder. But, he didn't say anything about your mother's case, did he? Here's my plan. I sneak back into the station wearing a hat. Montgomery always takes a coffee break fifteen minutes after the hour. I get your mother's file wearing soft shoes. The south entrance has… What?"

Castle pauses, brows pulling together in confusion as he stares at Kate smirking to herself.

"Come on, Castle. I got to show you something."

She steps aside from the kitchen counter, moving through her apartment towards her bedroom. He follows her, and once they're in there she's heading over to the window, pulling back the window shutters to reveal an assembled murder board of her mother's case.

"You know, I sometimes forget that you live with this every day…"

He stands beside her, watching her, and Kate focuses her attention on the pictures of her mother attached to the wall.

"When did you start?"

Kate pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, chest raising slowly. "Over the summer… when you were in the Hamptons."

She doesn't want him to bring anything up about those months – about the entire time she kept from him she was carrying his child, and from the corner of her eye she can see him hesitating – thinks he's about to bring it up – but he surprises her.

"And how far have you gotten?"

She almost lets out a sigh of relief – glad he's not going to go back over those months.

"Well, aside from my mom, there was also Diane Cavanaugh, Jennifer Stewart. They volunteered for her from time to time for the Justice Initiative. And then the fourth victim was Scott Murray. He was a document clerk at the courthouse. You know, Castle, up until today I'd always run this on the theory that they got killed because of a legal case that they were working on. My mom requested a court file just before she was murdered, and that file went missing."

"Well, your mom must have had personal papers… appointment book – something that could tell you what she was working on before she died."

"No, I went through all of that nine years ago. There's nothing."

"Yeah, but, a lot's happened since then." He pauses as Kate turns to face him, her head cocking to the side slightly as her brows pull together, hands resting in her back pockets.

"Maybe you missed something."

He had a point. It'd been years since she'd gone through all of her mom's old things – diaries, photographs – maybe now with a clearer head, and Castle's eyes, she could find something new.

* * *

Kate's sitting on the floor, one leg under her body and the other resting next to her. Castle's on the edge of the couch, flipping through old photographs from the boxes Kate had pulled out of her mom's old things.

"There's nothing in her appointment book. Not that I could make good sense of, anyway. She had her own system, and my dad and I could never figure it out." She laughs slightly to herself, fingers running through her hair as she places the appointment book down on the coffee table.

"Aww, you were adorable. Did your mom take these?" Castle's beaming down at her as he turns a picture of herself around, one of her sitting on a bench smiling up at the camera and tying up her ice skating boots.

The edges of Kate's lips curve as she takes in the memories of that day, and her heart can't help but skip a beat. "Yeah… about three weeks before she di-" Kate stops speaking, a gasp escaping through her lips as her body goes still, her hand coming to rest against her stomach.

"Kate?" Castle's shifting towards her, concern washing across his face as he looks down at where her hand is resting. "Is it the baby? Is something wrong?"

As soon as he's finished speaking that's when Kate feels it again – the butterfly sensation in the pit of her stomach, the movement of her stomach and the edges of her lips only curl upwards, her head lifting as she locks eyes with Castle.

She reaches out for his hand without saying anything, only rises to her knees as she brings his hand to rest against her stomach. His brows only pull together in confusion, head tilting slightly. But when the kick comes through again, his eyes are widening, the edges of his lips lifting into a wide smile as he flicks his gaze to land on Kate.

"That – that was a kick?"

She nods her head, and his smile only beams wider. He discards the images for a moment, shifts closer to her as he lets the other palm of his hand rest against her stomach.

"Guess somebody wanted some attention." He chuckles to himself and Kate only grins down at her stomach, lifts her hand to rest beside Castle's.

The feeling had come when her heart was filling with joy – when she'd been reminiscing on a memory with her mother and her heart can't help but burst with joy. Though a sigh is soon falling as she sits back, Castle's hands falling from her stomach.

"You okay?" He asks as he shifts down to sit next to her on the ground.

"Yeah – it's just." She pauses, pulls her bottom lip into her mouth as she stares at the array of photographs and belongings from her mother. "I guess it's just… hitting me that, she'll never be here for any of this." Her brows pull together, hand coming to rest against her stomach.

When she had first found out she was pregnant – the only person she wanted was her mom. She was so afraid – so scared, and she knew her mom would make her feel better and would know all the right things to say.

"I don't know how to do this without her." Kate confesses, the words barely above a whisper as tears start to burn the rims of her lids, her thumb stroking back and forth against her stomach.

Castle wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulls her into the side of his chest and Kate doesn't fight it, only shifts closer to him and lets her head rest against his shoulder as she feels his chin come to rest atop of her head, his other hand coming to rest over hers on her stomach.

"I'm sorry, Kate." His hand gently rubs up and down her arm, squeezing it lightly as Kate lets her eyelids flutter close. "I'm not her but… I'm here, I'll be here. You won't have to do anything alone. And hey, I've been through this once already – anything you're unsure of – anything you don't know how to do, I'll be here to help you."

The edges of her lips twitch into a small smile as she turns her face, lets her nose brush against the skin of his neck as her hand turns around to intertwine with his fingertips and she squeezes his hand.

"Thank you, Castle." She murmurs, and without thinking lets her lips brush against the skin of his neck where her nose had once been. Though his body doesn't stiffen from her touch, his grip on her only tightens and Kate lets out a small sigh as she buries her face into the crook of his neck.

"Can we just… stay like this for a while?" She'd been nonstop thinking about her mom – about this entire case, and she needed a moment to breathe – to feel calm, and it seemed like the only time she ever felt at ease was in his embrace.

"Of course, we can." Castle speaks quietly into her hair, lets his fingertips skim up and down her arm as his thumb brushes over her knuckles.

* * *

After their moment together, they'd gotten back into looking at the photographs – and Castle had noticed four images were missing from a camera roll; that they'd been taken of the alley way Kate's mother had been murdered in – which is why Kate's now sitting alone at her apartment while Castle sneaks into the Precinct to gather up old archives and reports to see what her mom had been looking into before she died.

She hears a knock at the door, and it surprises her how quick Castle had been. She's at the door, flinging it open and about to speak when she sees Captain Montgomery standing before her instead of Castle.

"Sir... What are you doing here?" Kate blinks back at him.

"There's something we need to discuss. May I come in?"

She nods, stands aside and gestures got him to come in. Once he's in, she closes the door behind herself, heads into the living room where he's standing.

"Ryan and Esposito traced your sniper to a corporate suite in Midtown. He's been on you since Raglan's murder. This isn't just a kook with a deer rifle and a copy of Catcher and the Rye. This guy is a professional, highly trained, and well-funded; maybe part of a team."

"So, we got to let Castle know."

"He does. He's back at the Twelfth. I caught him in the men's room poking through some old reports. You want to tell me about that?"

Kate's brow hitches slightly as she looks over at Montgomery. "You really want to know?"

"Listen, I'm gonna have to put a detail on you, but I need you to stay home."

Kate's chest rises slightly, brows pulling together.

"If the sniper is after me, the safest place in the city is the Twelfth. You gotta let me have this, Roy. Let me come back and work on my mom's case."

"No. I'm sorry. Absolutely not."

A sigh falls from her lips, tongue sweeping out across her lower lip as her gaze raises to the ceiling, tears coming back to burn the rims of her lids.

"I'll stay till the details been set in place, then I'll leave – I don't want you here alone."

"Fine." Kate murmurs, head shaking as she moves to slump down on the couch.

Montgomery shifts forwards, glances down at the array of photographs and belongings on the coffee table. His brow hitches, gaze landing back on Kate. "Going down memory lane?"

"Something like that." She leans back, hand coming to rest against her stomach – a habit she's grown accustomed to now.

"How is the baby doing?"

She shifts her gaze to land on Roy, can see that he's trying to ease the topic onto something lighter – rather than the fact a man with a sniper could send a bullet into her body at any moment.

"He's doing good."

"He?"

The edges of her lips twitch slightly, face scrunching. "We found out it was a boy yesterday."

"Congratulations." He beams at her, and she can't help but reciprocate it.

"You know I'm happy for you, Kate. Proud of how far you've come. Your mom would be proud… You'll make a wonderful mother, you know?"

Her heart swells, chest beginning to ache as tears continue to burn the rims of her lids. "Thank you, Sir."

* * *

After Montgomery had left – ensuring her the detail had been put on, Kate had retreated into her bedroom and grabbed her hand-held gun – despite a detail being put on her, she needed the safety she felt when holding her gun – she kept it on safety of course, wouldn't risk an accidental shooting. But, she wasn't about to let somebody come in here and try put a bullet inside her. Not when she was carrying her own child – she had to protect her son first and foremost.

She hears knocking from the door, and she grips the gun tighter as she moves towards it, opening it carefully as she sees Castle standing on the other side.

His gaze drops to her side immediately and Kate follows – sees where his eyes are glued; her gun.

"You talk to Montgomery?"

"Yeah." Kate trails off as she lets Castle enter, closes the door behind him as she follows him into the living room where she places her gun down on the counter and turns to face him.

"Castle, there's something I need you to do."

"Name it."

"Go home."

"Forget it. Fear does not exist in this dojo."

A sigh quickly falls, eyes rolling.

"Look, I signed up for this when I put the badge on, you didn't. It's not your fight."

"The hell it isn't." Hurt radiates from his face and Kate shifts her gaze, lets her arm raise as she tucks a loose curl behind her ear, tongue slipping out to moisten her lips.

"I don't hang around you just to annoy you. I don't ride out to murder scenes in the middle of the night to satisfy some morbid curiosity. If that's all this was I – I would have quit a long time ago."

He had moved closer with each word he spoke, only an arm length distance between them.

"Well, then why do you keep coming back, Rick?"

She sees the lump form in his throat – his Adam's apple bopping as his brows pull together, his gaze locked on her. She doesn't know what he's contemplating – what he wants to say, but Kate's pulse pounds; the sound travelling up to her ears and there's _so much_ she wants him to say – that she wants to say to him.

"Are you – are you kidding me, Kate?" His head shakes slightly as he drifts closer, his chest brushing against her stomach, and her teeth sink into her bottom lip. "We're having a baby together. We're having a son. And if you had told me from the beginning… I – I wouldn't have gone to the Hamptons. I would have stayed, been here for you and our son since day one." He pauses, head shaking as his hand comes up to rest against her arm, his own tongue darting out of his mouth as Kate's pulse only continues to increase and she wants him so much more closer, wants his arms around her and his lips against her own – but she's frozen in place, can't seem to shift herself forwards and make the move.

"Look, I may not have a badge, unless you count the chocolate one that Alexis gave me for my birthday, but I'll tell you this, like it or not, I'm your plucky sidekick."

"Plucky sidekick always gets killed."

"Partner, then."

She watches him move away from her, and her eyes flutter closed momentarily – disappointment coursing through her body. She already misses the warmth that seemed to radiate from the close proximity of his body, and she wishes she'd made a move – closed the distance between them when he was just mere inches away from her. Because there was something that flashed through his eyes – something that made her heart pound and think maybe what she felt for him wasn't just one sided. The way he looked at her – how he hadn't stiffened from her touch earlier – he was different, had been different for a while now.

Her eyes open, land to see him sitting on her couch – the case file he'd brought open and resting on her coffee table as he stares up at her – waiting.

Her brows pull together slowly as she tries to go over what he'd last said – Partner, right, that's what he had said. The edges of her lips curl into a small smile, head nodding slightly.

"Okay." Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, a light shade of pink dusting her cheeks as he continues to stare at her. "What'd you find?" She swallows the lump in her throat as she moves round to sit down next to him, lets her gaze shift to the case file.


	9. Chapter 9

With the case file Castle had brought back, they'd discovered another murder had taken place in the same alley where Johanna was murdered; Back when it was a club and a mafia hangout. An FBI Agent by the name of Bob Armen had been working undercover at the time, and when the Mafia caught wind of this – they took him out.

Joe Pulgatti – a mob enforcer in Armen's murder; who later pled guilty, had been arrested by none other than John Raglan.

The new information had lead Castle and Beckett to the prison to talk to Joe Pulgatti, they knew there was a connection there – one that would piece together whoever had taken out Raglan.

"I didn't kill Bobby Armen." Joe's demeanour is calm as he speaks, wrists cuffed and wresting upon the metal table while Kate and Rick sit in front of him.

"Then why'd you plead guilty?" Castle cocks his head to the side, brow's pulling together slightly.

"'Cause I don't like needles."

Kate refrains from sighing as she cuts in. "Detective Raglan places you in the alley at the time of the murder."

"Yeah, I was in that alley with Bobby. I was the only witness to his murder. But it wasn't a hit. It was a kidnapping that went sideways. Three guys in ski masks rolled up in a van – said they wanted to take me on a tour of the city. Bobby tried to stop them and he went for one of their guns and wound up on the wrong end of it."

"Were the guys from a rival family?"

"No. No way. We had a truce going back then because there was this… uh… ghost crew out there, professional kidnappers targeting members of all five families. Look, I was in that alley with bobby – but no one else could have known that. It was a blind alley, and the only other people in it when Bobby was shot were the people who shot him. So, you tell me, Detective. How could Raglan have known I was there?"

"You're saying Raglan was one of the kidnappers?" Castle asks, gaze locked on Joe as Kate's brows pull together as she takes in each of Joe's words. If Raglan was one of the kidnappers – that meant whoever the other two were that were there may have taken him out – may have also been a part of what happened to her mother.

"There was, um – a lawyer named Johanna Beckett. Are you familiar with her? She was murdered in the alley about seven years into your incarceration."

"You look just like her, you know? You first walked in here, it's like I was looking at a ghost. The way she talked about you… I should've known you'd become a cop."

Kate's pulse pounds beneath the cage of her ribs, a lump forming in the middle of her throat as the smallest of smiles creeps across her lips, brows pulling together tightly. No matter where her mother was – or what she was doing, the fact that she brought up her daughter all the time only made Kate's heart grow.

She can feel Castle's hand hovering over her knee, flicks him a quick glance as he keeps his gaze on Joe and only squeezes her knee.

Her chest rises, gaze landing back on the other as she swallows the lump in her throat, lets her hand travel below the table to rest atop of Castle's hand on her knee. Her fingertips curl between his as she holds his hand tightly.

"I – I sent letters to every lawyer I could find, and your mother was the only one who wrote me back. The only one willing to take a chance on me. She didn't care that I was a thug."

Kate's smile grows a little wider across her face, her pulse still thumping rapidly in her chest. Her mother was such a good woman – so devoted to the truth and turning the law around. It saddened her – angered her that all of that had gotten her killed.

"All she cared about was the truth."

"And she came to visit me here. She said she'd look into my case. Later, I found out she was murdered. Don't get yourself killed chasing this thing. Take it from me, there's nothing more dangerous out there than a killer with a badge."

He's rising to his feet, signalling the guard as he comes over and leads Joe back towards the cells.

Kate watches him, pulse still pounding as her chest rises, a shaky breath slowly leaving her lips.

"You okay?"

She turns to face Castle, sees him giving her a concerned look and she swallows the lump in her throat, nods her head a little too quickly as she squeezes his hand before letting go of it and rising to her feet. "I'm fine, Castle."

"It's okay if you're not." He follows her out of visitation and out towards the parking lot.

The edges of her lips curve slightly as she looks over at him, nods once more before she carefully slides her arm through his. "I know, Castle."

She doesn't know where her sudden bravery had come from in touching him all the time – but with this case; feeling his presence and warmth beside her made her feel safe – made her and the baby feel so much more calmer. And it helped that he didn't flinch or pull away whenever her hand lingered near his.

She pats his bicep with her other hand as they move towards her cruiser. "Let's just go fill Montgomery in."

* * *

"We'll talk about the definition of a direct order later. Right now, I just want to hear what you found." Montgomery's brows are pulled together as he sits at his desk, Castle and Beckett standing on the other side.

"Okay, so here's what we know so far." Kate starts as she slips into the seat in front of Montgomery's desk. She tucks a loose curl behind her ear, tongue dipping out of her mouth to moisten her lips before she's continuing. "Nineteen years ago, Raglan and at least two other cops were kidnapping mobsters for ransom. Things went south when they tried to snatch Joe Pulgatti."

"They mistakenly killed an undercover Fed named Bob Armen. To cover their asses – they pinned Armen's murder on Pulgatti." Castle adds in, slipping into the seat beside Kate as he glances at Montgomery.

"And then seven years later, my mom and a group of her colleagues tried to put together an appeal for Pulgatti. Now, the cops knew that if the case got overturned – they would all be exposed. So, they hired Dick Coonan to kill all of them."

No matter how much time had passed, the name Dick Coonan still managed to leave a sour – bitter taste in her mouth. Her skin would always crawl, images of his lifeless body before her and his blood seeping beneath her fingernails always so vivid in her mind and she has to refrain from shuddering.

"And Raglan wrote off their homicides as random gang violence." Montgomery adds, fingertips resting at his chin as Kate glances towards him.

"And that would have been the end of it, but Raglan found out he was dying, decided he wanted to come clean. So, they had to silence him, too."

Kate tears her gaze from Montgomery to land on Castle as her brows pull together.

"Pulgatti said there were three kidnappers in that van. That means there's at least two conspirators out there now."

"We already know who one of them is. Raglan's old Academy buddy, Gary McCallister."

Kate turns around to see Ryan and Espo standing by the door – they'd followed the duo in when they arrived at the Precinct and entered Montgomery's office.

"How do you know that?" Montgomery asks, head tilting slightly as his brows pull together – something else lingering behind his eyes that Castle nor Beckett can quite put their finger on.

"I pulled a dispatcher's log from the archives, there was another unit backing Raglan when he arrested Pulgatti. A one-man patrol unit – Officer Gary McCallister." Esposito fills in, looking between Montgomery and Kate.

"Get that son of a bitch." Montgomery nods to Ryan and Esposito who nod back to him and quickly head out of his office.

Kate turns back to face Montgomery, chest rising as her pulse skips a beat.

"Sir, I know I'm off the case. But –" Before Kate can finish Montgomery's cutting in.

"When Espo and Ryan bring in McCallister, you'll interrogate him. Alright?"

A sigh of relief slips from Kate's lips, the edges of her lips curling slightly. "Thank you, Sir."

* * *

They're in the break room, waiting for Espo and Ryan to come back with Gary McCallister.

Castle had made up a cup of hot chocolate for Beckett, and a coffee for himself, bringing the two cups over to the table as Kate quickly reaches out for hers.

"Thanks." Kate mumbles against the ceramic mug against her lips as she lets the warm, chocolatey liquid travel down the back of her throat.

"Anytime." He smiles at her, takes a sip from his own.

Kate places the cup down, a hand coming to rest at her bump as she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth and lifts her head up to glance at Castle. "You think he'll talk? That we'll…" She trails off, pauses. A few days ago, when Vulcan had been brought in, Kate had gotten her hopes up – believed that he was connected to her mother's murder, but he wasn't. Now, all the pieces of Raglan's murder were slowly filling in the missing gaps in her mother's – and Kate's hopes couldn't help but climb higher and higher. She felt so close to the truth – as if it was right before her very eyes, and yet, anytime she got close to a missing puzzle piece – it fizzled out, only lead her to another dead end. She doesn't want that to happen this time. Hopes that whoever took out Raglan was trying to hide the fact they were a part of her mother's murder.

She feels Castle's thumb brush against hers and her gaze flicks down to the finger brushing back and forth against her knuckles and the edges of her lips curl.

"With you in there? Of course, he will. You can make anyone talk, Beckett. I mean, you made me talk the first time you arrested me." He wiggles his brows and it elicits a small laugh from her lips, and the roll of her eyes as her fingertips slowly leave the ceramic mug and turn to tangle with Castle's fingers, her heart beginning to thump beneath the cage of her ribs as she moves her index finger over his palm.

"You're biased because I'm carrying your child." She smirks at him, brow arching as she lifts her gaze to land on him.

"That may be – but that doesn't mean you're not good at your job."

Her smile only grows more as her gaze shifts back to their hands, and the feel of his skin against hers.

"I'm better with you by my side." The words fall from her lips so quietly, and she wants to kick herself as heat rises to her cheeks, a light shade of red dusting her cheeks. Her pulse pounds, gaze determined to focus on their hands – rather than looking up at him.

"Kate –" He starts off, squeezing her hand lightly, but before he can continue – say whatever it is he was planning to, Ryan's popping his head in and informing them they've got McCallister in interrogation.

* * *

They didn't get much from McCallister before he was asking for his lawyer – not that Kate expected for the man in question to spill out every detail. All they seemed to get from him was that they'd _woken the dragon_ – that whatever was going on; was so much bigger than they realised.

"He's afraid of someone, and it's not a cop. We've got to find that shooter." Kate's head shakes slightly as she stands in the bullpen with the boys.

"I think we got a lead on him." Ryan speaks, causing Kate to glance over at him, brow raising curiously before her attention is pulled to Esposito speaking.

"According to Rodrick, a woman named Jolene bought those capsules that we found in Lockwood's corporate suite."

"Girlfriend?" Castle asks.

"Probably. All we got is blonde, thirties, lives in Brooklyn. So, we fed her descriptors in the DMV database. Got it narrowed down to two women. Jolene Granger, and Jolene Anders.

Kate pulls the bottom of her lip into her mouth, brows pulling together before she's retreating to her desk where her spare gun resides.

"Okay, you guys take Jolene Anders – we'll take Granger. You call me when you get her."

"Roger that." Esposito replies before Ryan and him are heading in the other direction.

Kate pulls her gun from her desk, checks there's bullets in it and clicks it to safety before tucking it into the back of her.

"I want you wearing a bulletproof vest."

Kate turns to Castle, brow arching slightly. "What?"

"If Raglan's shooter sneezed – even shivered, the gun could've moved and the bullet could've hit you instead of him."

"Castle, we're just doing a house call."

"I don't care, Beckett. You said you'd be careful – that you wouldn't put our son in danger. So, I want you wearing a vest. I won't lose the two of you."

Her brows pull together, head nodding as she leans forwards to squeeze his arm. "Okay. I'll put on a vest."

* * *

"They really should make vests for woman who are pregnant." Kate grumbles, brows furrowed as she adjusts the vest covering her stomach. It had been fine the first few months of her pregnancy – but now that her bump was growing more prominent, the heavy padded vest was uncomfortable – and definitely squished her stomach.

"Maybe it's time to start talking to Montgomery about lighter duties – desk duty."

Kate shoots him a look as they head towards Jolene's apartment. "Desk duty? No way, Castle. I'm staying off desk duty till I can barely walk. But… I do need to talk to Montgomery about when that'll happen – and maternity leave."

As they approach Jolene's front door, they see that it's already open, and Kate carefully draws her gun, glances over at Castle before she's moving through the door.

"Jolene Granger, NYPD. Jolene?" Kate calls out, gun lifted and pointing in each direction as Castle and her move through the apartment.

Though Kate's quickly coming to a stop as they find Jolene's dead body on the floor.

"Shit." Kate mumbles, eyes still alert as she moves through the apartment to check that it's all clear. Once it is, she's back out in the living room with Castle and Jolene's dead body.

He's already calling people in and Kate pulls out her phone, dials Esposito's number.

"Esposito."

"Jolene Granger's dead."

"We're on our way."

Kate's just about to hang up the phone before she hears Ryan's voice yelling from the other line and her brows pull together before she hears a blast go off and her mouth goes dry, pulse pounding and the blast from the other line causing a ringing in her ear.

"Esposito! Esposito!" Kate shouts into the phone as she feels Castle behind her. She pulls the phone away, lips gaping as she stares at Castle with wide eyes.

* * *

"So, what do you got?" Kate speaks into her phone, Montgomery on the other line.

"What you heard was a flash bang. Lockwood must've grabbed them. Only thing we've recovered so far are the cell phones."

Her pulse is pounding faster than ever, a wave of nausea crashing over her. She was glad it was just a flash bang she had heard and not bullets fired.

"He dumped both of their phones, so we can't GPS track them."

"We couldn't find Jolene's cell phone either. Lockwood must have gotten rid of it." Castle speaks as Kate turns her attention from the phone to him.

"Because her phone was a link to him. She'd call him on it."

"There's got to be a cell phone bill around here somewhere." Castle's eyes dart in every direction as he moves through the living room, looking through the pieces of paper – and Kate quickly follows, starts looking for a phone bill.

It's not long before they're at Jolene's computer, searching through files before her email.

"What's her account number?"

"5892-639-1199"

"Alright. If we can figure out her mother's maiden name, they'll email us the password."

"I need everything you can get on Jolene Granger. Specifically, her mother's maiden name." Kate speaks into the phone, a hand on her hip as she hovers behind Castle sitting in front of the computer.

Once they've gotten the information they've needed, they're logging into Jolene's email, searching through her history and files.

"Lockwood would have been one of the last numbers she called."

"Uh… got it. Uh, 917-555-0716. I need a GPS…" Kate types away at the computer, brows pulled together tightly and bottom lip pulled into her mouth before she's got the coordinates on Lockwood's location.

"Castle, you've done it again…" Castle murmurs to himself, causing Kate to roll her eyes at him.

* * *

It doesn't take long to reach their destination, they arrived outside a warehouse – Lockwood's torture chamber. And through a scope Kate watches the lookout guard.

"That guy is gonna spot a SWAT team from a block away… warn Lockwood." She pulls the scope away, gaze still locked on the guard far away. "We call in the cavalry and they're both dead…" Her gaze drops, lands on her lap as another sigh falls from her lips. "I'm open to dumb ideas here."

"Good, 'cause I've got one."

As they get out of the car, they're both a stumbling, giggling mess – and Castle pulls Kate into his side, tries to shield her pregnant belly in hopes the lookout guard coming down from his perch won't notice the bump on the woman who's _supposed_ to be drunk.

It wasn't a stupid plan – in fact, it was quite a good one. Both pretending to be drunk – both stumble past the guard, maybe Castle distracts him long enough for Kate to knock him out and the pair can head inside the warehouse.

And maybe it would've worked had Kate not been pregnant. She just hopes the lighting they're in, that the guard won't even notice she's pregnant – that he'll put it down to weight or a heavy coat.

But as he moves closer, she can see his arm sliding beneath his jacket reaching for his weapon, and Kate moves closer to Castle, lips brushing past his ear. "He's not buying it, Castle." She says it through a giggle, as her hand slides down between them – reaching for her gun, and she's just about to pull it out – point it at the guard. But then Castle's gripping her wrist and stopping them, his other hand coming to cup the side of her face, and the laugh she'd been putting on stops – her smile dropping completely.

His eyes have darkened, gaze travelling down to land on her lips and Kate's pulse skips a beat, soon begins to thump beneath the cage of her ribs and she doesn't have time to register what's happening because before she knows it Castle's lips are on hers.

The feel of his lips against her own is so soft and sweet – like everything and more. It brings her back to the night they'd first kissed – when they conceived their son. His lips had bruised her own – mapped out every inch of her skin and branded her like she was some sort of property.

He's pulling back, hand travelling up her back and Kate already wants more – already misses the warmth that radiated from his lips. Because it felt so right – it's always felt so right with him, but now isn't the time for how she feels about Castle – because her partners; _her brothers_ , were inside that warehouse and were going to die if they didn't get in there.

Kate flicks a glance to the guard still approaching them, sees he's still got his hand under his jacket and she makes a quick decision; dives back in and closes the gap between her and Castle.

This time the kiss isn't soft or sweet – no, it's hard and fast – their bodies merging together, both needing to be as close as physically possible. Castle's hands are frantic – not sure where to go or land, they move from her back to her neck while Kate's arms wrap around his shoulder and neck, her teeth sinking into his upper lip as she pulls at it softly, soothes her tongue over it.

She doesn't want to stop – doesn't want this to end, because he's holding her so tightly, his lips bruising her own in such a sensational way that has her lips buzzing and her heart just about ready to burst through her chest. But as she opens her eyes, sees the guard turning around – she knows that now is her chance.

She grips Castle's back, pulls at his bottom lip, dragging it with her as she pulls away and quickly spins to knock her gun against the guard's head, a grunt escaping his lips as he falls to the ground unconscious.

Kate lets out a breath, lips swollen, cheeks red and chest rising and falling rather heavily.

"That was amazing."

Castle's voice fills the air and her breath gets caught in her throat, the sound of her pulse travelling up to her ears and causing a deafening sound as she looks over at him, eyes slightly wide and lips gaping – and she doesn't mean to look so shocked, she wants to tell him that – _yes_ , it was amazing. But he must see horror on her face instead, because he's quickly pulling himself together.

"Th– the way you knocked him out, I mean. It was…" His head's moving in every direction, hand gesturing to the guard on the ground as he struggles to get out his words.

"Let's go… Yeah." It's all she can manage to say at this point, her heart pounding as she struggles to even get out a breath.

* * *

They quietly and carefully enter the warehouse, Kate's gun raised as Castle follows closely behind her. They can both hear the boys, as well as Lockwood. Though, all Kate can make out is Esposito and Ryan yelling out and her body is moving quickly.

She gets a clear view of them – see's one of Lockwood's men aiming a gun at Ryan and Kate lifts her gun, eyes squinting as she aims and fires; shooting the man right in the chest.

Beckett moves around the crates, gun still lifted as she starts firing continuously at Lockwood and his men. She's careful not to move out into the open – always keeps her body covered as much as possible. She's not incompetent, but she does have a baby to think about – and she's not about to put her child in danger – but she does need to save her two other boys.

Kate takes out Lockwood's other guy before she's quickly ducking, loading her gun as Lockwood starts shooting his riffle in her direction. She stays crouched down, doesn't rise till the gun fire dies down.

She keeps her gun raised when she rises, eyes alert as she slowly moves around the warehouse – tries to find Lockwood. It's silent for a while until she hears the clatter of two bodies and a gun smacking against the ground and she's quickly darting off in that direction.

She comes around the corner of the crates – sees Castle above Lockwood's body, his fist colliding with his face and her lips gape, gun lowering as her pulse pounds while she carefully approaches Castle.

"You okay?" Kate breathes out, gaze darting from Lockwood passed out – to Castle above him, still gripping his shirt and a bloody fist.

"Huh?" He looks at her confused before looking down at Lockwood and his fist then back up at Kate. "Never better."

* * *

Kate watches the paramedic exit the ambulance and she steps up to see Castle sitting there, wincing and unwrapping some of the bandages on his hand.

"Hey there, Chuck Norris."

He chuckles as Kate sits before him.

"How's the hand?" She chews on the bottom of her lip, brow raising slightly.

"Uh, excruciating." He laughs slightly, though his brows are pulled together as he struggles with the bandage and Kate smiles slightly before she's pulling out her hands from her pockets and reaching across to gently take his hand in hers.

She unwraps the bandage carefully, before she begins to re-bandage it properly.

"How's Ryan and Esposito?"

"Mm, mild hypothermia. Wounded pride. Guess which one'll heal first?" She smirks up at him before her gaze moves back down to his hand where she finishes re-bandaging it; making it more comfortable and less tight for him. Her thumbs then smooth out over the top of the bandage. "Thank you – for having my back in there."

"Always."

She lifts her head to see Castle smiling at her and she reciprocates, her heart still pounding in her chest.

She watches his head dart down, feels his fingertips lightly dusting over hers.

"Stay with me, Kate."

Her first name falling from his lips will always cause a sensation through her body – make her chest rise and her pulse beat faster.

"I'm right here, Rick." She curls her hand around his wrist, lets her gaze stay locked on his face.

"No – I mean. Stay with me tonight… and until after the baby's born."

Her chest rises as his head lifts, gaze locking with hers.

"Rick…"

"No, just here me out, Kate." He pauses, cupping her hand with his. "When you're working – I can't keep you safe. Every night we part ways. We don't reunite till the morning, and even than it's not every day we see each other. I get that you went in there tonight because they're Esposito and Ryan, but – you can't keep putting you or our baby in danger. I know you mean well, but you could've gotten hurt. Our son could've gotten hurt. What if it had been us that Lockwood got?" His head shakes, tongue darting out of his mouth as he grips Kate's hand.

A sigh falls from her lips, gaze dropping to his hand holding hers as her other hand travels to her stomach, thumb swiping across it – and he's right. She needs to stop running into traffic – put herself on lighter duties and stop going into situations that could end with a bullet piercing her skin and her child's life being taken.

Her chest rises, eyes closing slowly as a lump forms in the middle of her throat.

"I'm not saying forever. I'm just saying… stay at the loft with me and for a few weeks after the baby's born. Because at least there I can keep you two out of harm's way."

"I don't want to impose, Castle." She shakes her head, gaze lifting to land on his but he's shaking his head vigorously, shifting to the edge of the seat as he grips her hand more.

"Impose? Kate – we're about to become a family. Alexis and mother would be delighted to have you – just like they were delighted last time. They're your family – _we're_ your family." His other hand reaches out, brushes against the hand she's got resting against her stomach and her breathing hitches. "It doesn't have to be every night either. Just – most nights. So, I won't have to spend every minute worrying about whether or not you two are okay or not."

"Okay." She wanted to say no. But the look in his eyes – the fear that resided behind them, she couldn't. And she knew she had to stop putting herself first – had to stop putting herself in the firing line, no matter what the case was. She'd never forgive herself if something happened to their child because she was being selfish.

She also knew she had to get used to Castle and her being a family – and being a part of his family.

"So, you'll come stay at the loft?" The edges of his lips curve.

"Did I not just say okay?" She shakes her head at him, a smirk creasing her lips.

If she thought it was going to be hard working with him after the kiss they'd shared tonight; then living with him was going to be even more difficult.


	10. Chapter 10

The second they're entering the Castle household, Kate's enveloped in a hug by the oldest red head. Being welcomed so warmly still isn't something she's used to. The Castle's were huggers, and Kate however – was not. But feeling the motherly warmth from Martha Rogers – especially after tonight, filled her heart and made the ache and longing for her own mother subside just a little.

"Oh, Katherine – Richard, I'm so glad you're both okay." Martha's pulling back from having Kate, gripping her arms as she gives the girl a comforting smile before turning to face her son, her eyes landing on his bandaged hand and her brows pull together. "What on earth happened?"

Castle glances down at his hand hanging by his side, the other wrapped around Alexis who's now shifting and carefully lifting his hand. "Oh this? It's nothing, really." The edges of his lips curl into a small smile as he looks between his mother and daughter.

"It doesn't look like nothing, dad." Alexis adds, brow raising up at her father.

"Just a little bruised, is all. Nothing too major. Don't you worry about it pumpkin." He leans forwards to press his lips against Alexis' forehead before he's pulling back and looking over to Kate.

"Kate's going to be staying with us for a while."

"Just till the baby's born… and only if that's okay with you two, I really don't want to impose." Kate's teeth dig into her bottom lip, pulling it into her mouth as she hesitantly looks between the two redheads.

Although Castle had pretty much not given her a choice in the matter, the opinions of the other two mattered to her a lot, and if they weren't comfortable with her staying; she wasn't going to make them feel uncomfortable in their own home.

Not only had she kept the secret of this baby from Castle for many months, but from the two red heads as well. She dreaded to think what they really thought of her for keeping such a thing from Castle.

"Oh, nonsense. You're family now, kiddo. You're more than welcome here anytime for however long." Martha shakes her head, brows pulling together and furrowing as her hand waves in the air.

"And you're carrying my little brother – why wouldn't we want you here, Detective?" Alexis pipes up, her smile growing wider, and it only causes Kate's heart to burst and the smallest of sighs of relief to slip past her lips.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure. And well, in that case – I think you can at least all me Kate now, Alexis. Detective seems so formal."

"Okay – Kate." Alexis nods, a smile still on her lips as she slowly retracts from her father to head towards the kitchen. "Are you thirsty?" Her brows raise as she moves around the island, and Martha clasps her hands together.

"You two must be starving – especially you, Katherine. You are eating for two after all – and I see the amount Richard eats – so if that boy is anything like him, well – you must be hungry."

"Hey, I don't eat that much." Castle's brows pull together, a small pout forming as they all move towards the kitchen.

"I think everyone would say otherwise, Castle." Kate quips, brow arching as she slides onto the stool in front of the kitchen island. "But – I am a little hungry. I don't think I've eaten since lunch." She's pulling her bottom lip into her mouth, a hand coming to rest at her stomach.

Before she got pregnant she was terrible when it came to eating. Her habits were all over the place. She barely had proper meals and when she did they were only ever take out. But the second she had found out she was carrying a child – her habits instantly changed. She made sure she ate properly, didn't miss any meals, and also made sure to cut down on the Styrofoam towers she always created.

"Well, we can definitely fix that." Castle's unbuttoning the cuffs on his wrist, grunting as he gets to the other one and Kate can't help but reach across the kitchen counter, her bump lightly pressing into the counter as she takes a hold of the buttons on Castle's wrist.

"Here, let me." She murmurs, glancing at the bandage wrapped around his hand as she pops the buttons open, her thumb smoothing against his wrist before she retracts, adjusting herself on the stool more as she clears her throat, gaze dropping to the counter as her hands come to rest on her bump.

Castle's pulse can't help but quicken at Kate jumping in so quickly, and there's a small smile playing on his lips, his eyes glistening as he watches the woman sit back and suddenly become so shy.

He carefully rolls up his sleeves, his hands soon connecting and rubbing together in the slightest as he pulls his bottom lip into his mouth. "Now – Miss Beckett, would you like to try my famous smorelette?" A smirk is forming across his lips, his brow's wiggling as he looks over at Kate.

"A what?" Both Kate and Alexis say in unison, the two girl's expressions both a look of confusion.

"A smorelette! It's like a smore… and an omelette!"

"Ew, dad – that's gross." Alexis face scrunches, head shaking.

"Richard, you want to feed the woman – not make her sick." Martha chimes in, giving Castle a look. "I could always whip you something up dear." Martha's smile pulls wide though Castle's quickly cutting in, stepping closer to his mother and placing his hand on her arm.

"Mother, like you said – we don't want to make her sick."

"My cooking is not that bad, Richard." Martha rolls her eyes, shooting him a look as Alexis come round to her grandmother.

"I think she's forgetting about all the times she almost poisoned us." He whispers to Alexis, a small giggle eliciting from the young girl.

"Gram, why don't we let dad and Kate be?"

"Oh, don't leave on my account." Kate quickly adds in, her pulse skipping a beat.

"I've got a big test tomorrow that I have to study for anyways." Alexis shrugs, a smile still on her face as the two red heads slowly disappear upstairs.

Kate's brows pull together, teeth chewing on the edge of her bottom lip as she watches the empty space.

"Don't think too hard, Kate. They're not running off because of you."

The edges of her lips twitch as she glances over at Castle. "I just don't want to make them leave their own kitchen because I'm here."

"I promise you they're not. They really do love having you around."

"Even though I kept the fact I was pregnant from you?" Her brow arches, a small sigh falling from her lips as she watches Castle stiffen and Kate's gaze drops to her stomach, her hand gently rubbing at her bump.

"I know I was angry for a while, but I'm not anymore. It's all water under the bridge now – and Alexis and my mother don't hold it against you – they don't hate you Kate, they really do love you and see you as family – even before you got pregnant."

Her lips twitch a little more, her head lifting and eyes landing on Castle to see her giving her a comforting smile and her heart skips a beat. She really didn't deserve him, or any of them.

"Now – why don't we get on with this smorelette. I promise you that you'll _love_ it."

"I highly doubt that, Castle." She shakes her head, her heart still beating fast as she watches him move round the kitchen, gathering all the equipment and ingredients he needs.

"Oh, I beg to differ. By the end of the night, you'll be _begging_ me to make you one of these bad boys every single day. And besides – pregnant woman always have weird cravings." He shrugs.

"Funny, I didn't think you were pregnant, Castle." Kate muses, head tilting to the side as she glances towards Alexis trying her best to stifle a laugh.

"Ha ha, very funny Beckett." He shoots her a look before he's continuing on with his task.

* * *

"Castle, this is…"

"Incredible? Amazing? Everything you never thought it would be?"

"Something like that." Kate's face pulls together, a look of mere disgust washing over her face as she slowly spits out the remnants of Castle's smorelette into her napkin.

He pouts, brows pulling together. "What? You don't like it? Was it too much marshmallow?" He sticks his fork into the smorelette, helping himself to a decent bite as he chews it before swallowing it and ponders for a moment. "Yeah, definitely too much marshmallow."

"Among… other things." Kate shakes her head, slowly pushing the plate away from her as she reaches for the glass of water to wash down the horrible taste lingering through her mouth. "I think I'll make some toast, Castle. Unless you've suddenly invented some sort of toast combination?" Her brow arches, mockery dripping from her tone as she slips from her seat to move into the kitchem.

He rolls his eyes, starts to clean up before he sees Kate pulling out the bread and he's quickly stepping towards her and swiping the loaf away from her. "Uh, uh. You sit, I'll do this."

"Castle, I'm pregnant. Not incompetent." She frowns at him, reaches for the bag but he simply steps back, holding it away from her.

"I never said you were. But, just let me do this, please? You've still had one hell of a day, and I just want you to put your feet up and relax. Hey! Why don't you run a bath while I make you something to eat, a proper meal – that I promise won't be a smorelette and will actually be edible."

Her brow raises before pulling together, her teeth digging into the corner of her bottom lip as she looks up at Castle. The idea of slipping into a nice warm bath – a bath she had grown accustomed to when she stayed here last already has her body tingling and buzzing with want. His bathtub was bigger than hers, and the salts he had were far more luxurious. And if she needed anything to calm her down after the past few days she's had, it would be a nice long bath.

"If you promise it'll be something that's actually edible, then we have a deal." She nods, a small smirk playing at her lips and Castle beams at her.

"Deal. There should be candles and salts already in the bathroom, along with fresh towels – play some music if you want to, I know my iPod's around there somewhere."

Kate's smile grows wider, teeth slowly sinking into her bottom lip as her body already starts to relax from the mere idea of slipping into a warm bath, candles lined around it and warm salts caressing her skin.

She starts to head towards the staircase, but not before Castle's taking a hold of her arm to spin her around and she raises her brow at him in confusion.

"Use the tub in my bathroom."

"Are you sure?"

"Well, yeah, because you'll be sleeping in my bed – I-I mean, my room." He quickly corrects himself, blinking a little too fast as his adams apple bops.

"Castle…" Her heart skips a beat, her pulse beginning to thump as she looks up at him.

"I'll be sleeping in the guest room while you're here, and you'll be taking my room. No funny business, I swear."

She swallows the small lump in her throat as she tries to tame her pulse from combusting. She wouldn't have minded any funny business, or even sharing a bed with Castle. But she knew if they were ever going to get to that point – they had to have a serious talk and lay out all the cards on the table. Something the two of them always struggled to do.

"Castle, I'm not going to kick you out of your room."

"You're not. I'm kicking myself out of my room. Because soon you're gonna have trouble going up and down those stairs, whether you'll admit that or not, and I don't want to take any chances of you possibly slipping or struggling – so, you'll take my room. That way you have everything you could possibly need right here on the ground floor. And no, you won't be fighting me on this one, Beckett." He smirks at her as he spins round to retreat back into the kitchen.

"When exactly did the roles reverse between us?" She asks, brow raising as her head shakes in the slightest.

"Hmm?"

"Usually I'm the one giving orders between the two of us."

Ever since she'd told him he was the father, he'd grown so protective over her. Even when he'd been angry at her and could barely look at her, he still strode into the Precinct every morning – still accompanied her out in the field. He rarely ever left her side and was always making sure she was comfortable and well.

She gathers after the events of tonight he's gone into overprotective mode, and although she'd usually hate being told what to do – being ordered to do this or that, she didn't mind it coming from Castle.

"I just want to take care of you, Kate. The both of you." His voice is softer, a whole lot softer for the light-hearted joke she'd been trying to make and her chest rises as she stares over at him. There's so much she wants to say – wants to do. But words have never been her forte, nor has expressing herself.

"Now – why don't you go run that bath, then I'll call you when dinners made, okay?" The edges of his lips curve, lifting into a smile as he waits for Kate's reply and she soon nods, does her best to reciprocate his smile before she's stepping off the first stair and heading towards his bedroom.

"Uh, Castle?" She comes to a halt, turns round to face him, just mere inches from his bedroom door and he turns round in the kitchen, looks over in her direction as his brows raise.

"I don't… I never brought any of my stuff over."

After they'd left the warehouse, they had headed straight for Castle's loft; neither even thinking to stop by Kate's apartment to grab a few things.

"I'll find some things for you, don't worry about that. We'll go get your things tomorrow, okay?"

She nods at him, the edges of her lips slowly lifting into a small smile. "Okay. Thank you, Castle."

He beams at her before turning round and proceeding with his new task as Kate watches him for a moment, her heart beating fast before she's spinning round and heading into his bedroom.

* * *

She takes her time in the bathroom; lines out candles and slips some rose smelling salts into the tub. She ties up her long curls into a bun, slips off her clothes and stops in the mirror to examine her body. She stands to her side, hand smoothing over the exposed bump as the edges of her lips curve into a wide smile.

It still weirded her out at times to look down and see her stomach popping out, or that she could feel her son moving around at times, causing nothing but butterflies to explode inside of her. But she loved what she saw whenever she looked in the mirror.

She carefully turns Castle's iPod on; can't help but beam at the fact he has a jazz playlist that _she knows_ he only has because of her.

She'd been playing soft jazz throughout the loft one night when everyone had been out – he'd come home early and caught her of course. But he never pegged her for a jazz fan, wouldn't have expected her to listen to the tunes in her spare time. She had told him how her mother used to play a lot of it when she was younger, told him it relaxes her and makes her feel at home.

Her heart can only burst seeing he'd made a playlist – that he had most likely played these tunes and let them linger through the air of his loft while he types away or brews himself a coffee, and it warms her heart, as well as a small pang of longing and want.

She carefully steps into the tub, rests her head back and lets her lids fall closed.

She's not sure how long she spends in the tub soaking up the warm water and salts, but it's long enough for a sensation of comfort food to hit her senses and have her stomach growling.

There's knocking coming from the bathroom door, and Castle's voice soon filling the air from the other side. "Beckett? Dinner will be in five."

"Okay, Castle."

"I've laid some clothes out on my bed for you as well."

She smiles wide as she hears him moving away from the door and she carefully steps out of the tub, grabbing one of the fresh towels to wrap it around her body before she's draining the tub and blowing out all the candles.

She heads out of the bathroom, comes to a stop in front of the bed and her teeth pull her bottom lip into her mouth as she stares down at one of his t-shirts and some baggy sweat pants.

She sits on the edge of the bed, bringing the material of the shirt to her face as she inhales, and her heart skips a beat at the smell of _him_ hitting her senses.

She still has the red t-shirt he'd given her after her apartment had blown up. She ended up taking it with her, it being one of the first things she slipped into her new set of draws when she found her own place.

* * *

She comes out of his bedroom wearing his baggy sweatpants that are rolled up at the top and a plain navy blue t-shirt, that despite her bump sticking out – still managed to cover her like a small dress. Her hair was still wet, now forming into soft curls around the frame of her face as she pads towards him in the kitchen, her stomach grumbling as she takes in all the different smells.

"Castle it smells so good, what'd you make?" She digs her teeth into her bottom lip, hands coming to the counter as she rises to her tip-topes, brows raising as she looks over to try and peek at what he's pulling out of the oven.

He places down a dish on the counter and turns around, his lips gaping in the slightest as he stares at her.

The first time he saw her in his clothes had been after their first night together when she'd been in his kitchen cooking breakfast and he didn't think his heart could beat anymore fast than it did in that moment.

But seeing her now – wearing his clothes, her makeup less face and damp hair with her bump sticking out and his child growing inside, his heart was bursting, beating faster than ever before. She'd never looked more beautiful than she did now, he thinks.

"What?" Kate's brows pull together as she glances down before back up at Castle, her head titling to the side.

"Uh – nothing." He swallows, quickly turns back to face the dish of paste he'd made as a light shade of red dusts across his cheeks from being caught gawking at her. "I made carbonara, I hope that's okay?"

She shrugs off the look that had been in his eyes when he was staring at her, and focuses on the meal he's made her. "It's more than okay. It smells delicious. Will Alexis and Martha be joining us?"

"Uh, unfortunately no. Mother and Alexis already ate earlier. Mother actually headed out when you were in the rub, and Alexis, bless her – is still studying away. So, you're stuck with just me."

"That's fine with me." She shrugs her shoulders, looks at him a little longer as her teeth sink into her bottom lip before she's moving towards the table where he's set up the cutlery and dishes.

* * *

"Castle, you should definitely stick to that and not a smorelette." Kate laughs slightly as she carefully falls down onto the couch, tucking her legs underneath her as her hand comes to rest against her stomach. "But that was really amazing, Castle – thank you."

Dinner had been lovely. The two had sat and made small talk, a few jokes here and there, and the occasional flirting that Kate had been pushing a bit more of. She felt braver after the kiss they'd shared – how close they'd been growing over the last few days. And what she could see in Castle's eyes, she definitely knew was in her own eyes.

"I'll try not to take offense to that." Castle muses as he sits beside Kate on the sofa.

She smiles at him before feeling the butterfly sensation in her stomach and Kate's reaching out without thinking to take a hold of Castle's hand and place it against her stomach. "I think someone else agrees with me."

"I can't believe that both of my children are against the smorelette. I feel ganged up on." He pouts, thinking back to Alexis reaction earlier. Though there's a hint of amusement in his tone as he shifts closer to Kate, brings his other hand to her stomach as he feels the small kicks.

She smirks down at him, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth as she watches him beam down at her stomach, his hands beginning to gently rub back and forth.

"You know, we really should start thinking of names." Castle's brow arches as he looks up at Kate.

"We're not naming him Cosmo."

"Dammit. I tried." He pulls his brows together, a smile still playing on his lips as he glances down at her stomach.

"Do you have any names in mind though?"

Kate chews on the edge of her lip her eyes focused on her stomach and Castle's hands. "I hadn't really thought about it."

They'd only just found out the gender a few days ago, and everything had been so hectic since then. She hadn't really had the time to sit down and think of possible names for their son.

"What about Derrick?"

"Castle, we're not naming our son after your first novel." She shakes her head at him, lightly shoving his arm as his smirk grows wider at her.

"Well, do you have any better ideas?"

Her brows pull together as silence fills the air between them.

"Didn't think so."

She rolls her eyes at him, shaking her head as she glances down at her stomach, small kicks still pressing into her stomach.

"Hey, I have an idea. Why don't we just list off some names – and whatever reaction we get from the little one, we go with?"

She looks over at Castle, brows pulled together and one slowly raising as she refrains from laughing.

"Don't give me that look." He pulls his own brows together before leaning down towards her stomach.

"How do you like the name, _Cosmo_ , little one?"

Kate's rolling her eyes, a small huff of air escaping her nostrils.

"I said we're not naming him, Cosmo, Castle."

"Hey, if he had've given us a reaction, then who are we to deny his fate?"

She shakes her head at him, a small laugh eliciting her lips.

"Your turn now, come on."

Kate bites her bottom lip, glances down at her stomach as she brings her hand to rest against it, rubbing it softly.

"Okay… what about, James?"

There's still no movement from the little one in Kate's stomach, and so the two keep listing off names – trying to get some sort've movement from the one inside Kate's stomach.

"Joseph?"

After what seemed like nothing – Kate even suggesting the little one had fallen asleep, there's a kick against her stomach and Kate's pulse skips a beat.

"Joseph?" She tilts her head, looking up at Castle who's eyes are focused on her stomach, but the sound of the name filling the air causes another kick and Kate's lips curve.

"I like that name." She murmurs, glancing down to her stomach. "Do you like that one, little guy? Huh?"

"I think he likes the name, don't you Joseph?" Castle's head tilts, rubbing Kate's stomach and earning another kick which has the pair smiling, both now beaming at each other.

"I think I know why he likes that name – why he knows it's his." Castle quips, gaze moving back down to her stomach and Kate's head cocks to the side.

"Well, it's sort've a variant of Johanna… in a way." He looks up at Kate, a soft look on his face and her pulse stops for a moment before thumping repeatedly beneath the cage of her ribs.

A lump forms in her throat, tears beginning to burn the rims of her lids as she stares over at him, not sure what to even say.

"We can call him Joe or Joey for short." His head drops, gaze locking on her stomach once more as more kicks elicit from her stomach and her heart bursts, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"Joseph Beckett. I like it." Castle's smile widens and he looks up at Kate with hopeful eyes his brows soon creasing and smile dropping as he sees the tears in her eyes and he's quickly sitting up, a hand reaching out to brush away the tear rolling down her cheek. "Kate, hey – I'm sorry."

She shakes her head, lids falling closed as her fingertips wrap around his wrist, stopping him from tearing his hand away from her cheek. "No, no. I love it." _I love you_. She almost let's fall from her lips as her chest rises and she slowly opens her eyes to look at him. "But, not Beckett." Her head shakes as she swallows the lump in her throat and she watches Castle carefully. "Joseph Castle." She pauses, watches the edges of his lips twitch, the blue in his eyes seeming to brighten and the hitch in his chest. "Joseph… Alexander Castle." Kate's tongue darts out of her mouth to sweep across her bottom lip, her smile growing wide before it all sounds so perfect – so meant to be, and Castle's smiling so widely at her, can see the tears forming in his own eyes.

"What do you think?" Kate sniffs in, swallowing another lump as Castle's face breaks out into a smile, his thumb brushing across her cheek.

"I love it too." His eyes drop from her face to her stomach and he slowly leans down, pressing his lips over the fabric covering her stomach, his free hand coming to rest over the place he's just kissed.

"Joseph Alexander Castle." He murmurs to himself, such awe in his voice as he stares at her stomach.


	11. Chapter 11

His hands are still against her stomach rubbing small circles even though the kicks have subsided. He's in a blissful daze, eyes full of so much awe and it's making Kate's heart swell – her pulse pick up speed.

Why she ever thought keeping this from him was for the best idea, was absurd. She knew that now. Knew that she should've told him before he left for the Hamptons – or anytime during the Summer. Half of her reasons had been selfish. She was hurt, upset with him and she kept that she was pregnant from him as some sort've punishment.

But the mess that had been created before he left for the Hamptons wasn't just his doing – it was hers as well. It was the lack of communication between them and how neither of them could express how they truly felt about one another.

There'd been something between them from day one – from the second their eyes locked. She'd been fighting it, refusing to let this nine year old on a sugar rush claim her heart. But as she got to know him more, she saw he was so much more than what the papers perceived him to be.

He was kind, and gentle – a warm, family man with a heart of gold, and he cared for her endlessly – welcomed her into his family with open arms and refused to let her feel anything else.

She knew she felt strongly for him the second he got a book deal for James Bond. Because the reality of him not being by her side forever started to set in. That more opportunities for him would come up and he'd disappear from her life. The thought of losing him terrified her. She'd grown so accustomed to him being a part of her life that without him by her side, she didn't know what to think.

But then he'd stayed – and things went on like normal, or as normal as they could be.

He'd been by her side when she caught and shot her mother's murderer. Refused to leave her place when a serial killer was targeting her – and then saved her after her place had been blown up by said serial killer, and then insisted she stay with him till she found a new place.

Every morning he showed her he cared by bringing her a cup of coffee, and she was stupid to have let him get away – stupid for running away the second they'd spent the night together.

She ran when she got scared, purposely screwed things up so she wouldn't have to suffer such an unbearable ache like she did when losing her mother. She felt like she deserved the pain, didn't deserve to feel anything but a numbing ache inside – and Castle made her feel so much lighter, so much happier – and her wounded pride couldn't have that.

A sigh falls from her lips, brows pulling together as her hand travels down to rest atop of his. His head lifts, gaze locking on hers.

"What is it?"

She never had to say anything – he always knew that something was wrong just by looking at her and it causes a sad smile to crease her lips, her free hand traveling to his face to cup his cheek.

His brows furrow, though he does nothing to remove the hand resting against his face and instead leans slightly into her touch.

He used a word for her in the dedication of his first book – a word that had shocked her, because she never even thought of herself as remotely close to the word. If anything, it was him that was closer to the word – that _was_ the word.

"Extraordinary." It slips from her lips, and the confusion on Rick's face only grows, a small chuckle falling from his lips.

"Huh?" He blinks, face crinkling – and god, does she love this man – hates how she has denied every possible feeling that made her heart skip a beat and heat dust her cheeks.

"You're extraordinary."

His face softens, his eyes seeming to glisten from the light as the edges of his lips twitch upwards, his hand slowly pulling away from her stomach to rest over the hand against his cheek.

"I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through." Kate speaks suddenly, brows pulling together as her chest rises, her thumb smoothing over the bone under his eye as tears begin to emerge in her own.

"Hey." He pauses, shifts from the slouched down position he'd been in and sits up more, Kate's hand slipping from his cheek and falling into his lip, his fingers still curled over hers. "We can't focus on that anymore – otherwise I'll always be angry, and you'll always be sorry and we'll never move forwards." He gives her a soft smile, untangles his fingertips from over hers and lifts his hand to her cheek, brushing away the tear slipping from her eyelid. "We have to do what's right for Joseph, and that's putting this behind us and moving forward."

Her head nods as she swallows the lump in her throat. He was right, he was always right.

"I just hate…" She pauses, shakes her head as her tongue slips from her mouth to run over her bottom lip.

"You hate what, Kate?"

She glances over to him, sees his head cocked to the side and his face softer than ever as his thumb continues to stroke back and forth against her skin.

"That I hurt you, that you hurt me, that we hurt each other." More importantly she hates that she ran away the morning after they slept together, because they could've been in such a better position than they were now. "That I made you think I don't…" She shakes her head, words trailing off as a small huff leaves her lips.

She's never been good at expressing herself. Never knows the right words to say or use, and always manages to stuff it up one way or another.

He's still staring at her, listening quietly and waiting for her thoughts to come through so she can lay them out for him. She knows he's waiting for her to finish, so that he can speak – say whatever it is that's on his mind.

But she's never been good at this, and only does what she knows might show him how she feels.

She surges forwards, lets her lips crash against his.

He's still against her, so she lifts her hands to cup his cheeks and deepens her lips against his more.

She feels his hands wrap around her wrists, pulling her back and Kate's brows pull together as she looks over at Castle.

His eyes are closed, lips gaped and chest rising as he holds her back. "Kate…" His head shakes, eyes opening to meet hers, and the blue in his eyes has slowly dimmed to a darker colour as he lets go of her wrists.

"What are you doing…" His head shakes once more as he backs away from her, and Kate's pulse pounds, a lump forming in the middle of her throat as she struggles to move forwards or speak.

"I – I thought…" She swallows hard, her own chest rising as her hands come to her stomach, brows pulling together.

"You thought what? That because we kissed undercover and that I invited you to stay after a terrible few that, that's why I wanted you here?"

She shakes her head, tears beginning to burn the rims of her lids as her pulse pounds beneath the cage of her ribs. "No, no. That's not it. You're getting this all wrong."

"Tell me what I'm getting wrong here, Beckett. I wanted you to stay because I was worried about our child's safety, and you…"

Her last name rolling off his lips leaves a sour taste, and it only worsens when he talks about their child's safety, and she wonders where his words were going to lead as her jaw tightens as well as the grip against her stomach.

"And I what? Because I'm a loose cannon? That I'm incapable of taking care of myself or our child? Is that it?"

He says nothing, only stares at her and she shakes her head, a bitter laugh escaping her lips. "I didn't kiss you because…" Her teeth dig into her bottom lip, pulling it into her mouth as a hand comes up to her hair to run through it. "God, it had nothing to do with what happened tonight." She stops herself, the feelings she so badly wants to expose getting caught up in her throat, and now Kate isn't so sure Castle even feels the same as her. He hasn't given her any indication that he feels the same, has only been looking out for her and their child because that's who he is; a good man who'd never abandon his own flesh and blood.

It's also clear to her that if he's that scared to leave her alone with their own child, that he doesn't trust her actions, which only wounds her.

"You really think that I'd put our child at risk? That I'm that much of a loose cannon and incapable of protecting not only myself, but our son?"

She rises to her feet, wanting this to be over already so she can disappear into his room and hide underneath blankets too large and soft. But Castle's following her and moves in front of her to stop her. "Of course, I'm concerned for our child's safety. This whole case… you weren't taking it as easy as you should've. You were in danger the entire time. And then tonight… had I not gotten to Lockwood he would've shot you, Kate. He would've taken both of you from me." There's anger as he speaks, tears emerging around the rims of his lids as he steps towards her, arms hesitating to reach out before falling to his sides.

"But I don't think you're a loose cannon, or incapable of protecting our son. I know you'll do everything to protect him, Kate. That you already are. You staying here is for my own selfish reasons. So, I don't wake up in the middle of the night worried if you two are okay."

His voice is softer and Kate's head drops, her chest rising as a tear slips from her lids.

"I'm tired, Castle." A sigh falls from her lips, head lifting and gaze landing on his face.

She knows they need to talk, that they can't keep dancing around one another. But she also knows if she doesn't get any rest and they don't talk with clearer heads that they'll both end up saying things they'll regret, and she doesn't want this to get any worse than it already seems to be.

"I'll see you in the morning. Sorry about…" Her brows pull together, gaze darting away from him. She shouldn't have kissed him, just left the evening on a perfect high.

She slowly moves around him and heads towards his bedroom, not once looking over her shoulder to take a glimpse of him, so she misses the sadness and confusion that washes over his face.

* * *

Sunlight shines through, seeping through the cracks in the curtains and illuminating the room with a soft and warm yellow glow. Kate stirs, a groan eliciting from her lips as her body rolls onto its side, unfamiliar sheets enveloping her. Her brows pull together, hands coming to her face as her eyes peel open.

It takes her a second to register the familiar surroundings, and where she is exactly – Richard Castle's bedroom, and then it all comes back to her – he'd invited her to stay after the antics of yesterday, insisted she take his room, and he had cooked her a meal – they had also finally decided on a beautiful name for their son; _Joseph_.

And that was that.

Only, it hadn't just been that. She remembers leaning in to kiss him; hoping that would magically fix the mess between them and show him what she feels for him – but things hadn't gone to plan. He'd pulled her back and moved away from her and she's not even sure not what was said between them, everything becoming a blur and there's no stopping the sigh that falls from her lips as her hands lift, face burying into her palms.

She can hear movement outside of the bedroom, and she wonders if Castle is up, wonders if she can face him right now, though she knows sooner or later she'll have to – that she can't hide from him in his own home.

So, she shoves the covers off of her and tucks her loose curls behind her ears before she's padding out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Disappointment washes over her, her heart skipping a beat as she sees the youngest Castle member roaming around the kitchen.

"Kate, hi!" Alexis beams at her as she closes a cabinet. "Did you sleep well? Are you hungry? I could always make you something before I have to leave."

Kate comes to a stop in front of the kitchen island, a genuine smile spreading across her lips at the young girl. "I slept well, thank you. And no – you don't have to do that for me, Alexis. It's okay, I'm more than fine making my own."

"Well, only if you're sure. Dad told me before he left to make sure you were okay if you were up when I left."

Her brows pull together at the mention of Castle leaving and Kate's head tilts to the side, hands coming to rest on top of the counter. "Castle left?"

"Yeah, not sure what for. But he was keen to go with Gram, so who knows what he's planning." She shrugs, grinning over at the other and Kate refrains from sighing as she watches the young girl glance at her watch before picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "I have to get going if I don't want to be late, but you know where everything is, right?"

Kate nods at her as she passes. "I've stayed here before, remember?" A small smirk replaces her smile as Alexis gives her a shy look.

"Alright, well, I'll see you later, Kate!"

She watches the red head, head towards the door before disappearing behind it and once Kate's left alone in the Castle loft, the silence turning into a deafening ring, does she let a sigh fall from her lips.

* * *

"To what do I owe the pleasure of your company this early, Richard? Not that I don't mind, but – I would've thought you'd be jumping at the chance to woo, Katherine." Martha's brow raises as she glances over at her son as the pair walk down the sidewalk.

"Just wanted to go for a walk mother." _Clear my head_. He thinks to himself.

He barely slept a wink last night. Kept tossing and turning, his mind full of too many thoughts.

Kate confused him. No matter how hard he tried to understand her, he never properly could. One minute she was in his arms, the next she was in someone else's. Then they don't speak to each other for months, and suddenly he's going to be a father again. They kiss undercover, and he knows that it was the heat of the moment; his idea to stop her from shooting the guard. But then she kisses him later on in his loft, no heat of the moment; no Ryan or Esposito in trouble and needing them asap, but her decision, and that has his mind swirling.

He's been in love with her since they slept together. Knew he felt so strongly for her when he woke up the morning after staying at her place and had this burning desire to make her pancakes – something he only ever wants to do when he wants to cheer up somebody he loves.

He understood she'd need space and time, that they had a case to solve; but after the case had been solved, he got nothing from her. Then, a few weeks later she was running into Demming's arms and his heart was aching and the anger inside of him was boiling.

He wanted her to be happy, that's all he's ever wanted. But then he was getting mixed signals again, they'd been falling into old habits of their flirtatious friendship and he wondered if she thought he regretted their night together and that's why she had been distant, so he decided to invite her to the Hamptons. Thought that if the two of them got away from their everyday lives, that they could speak about that night together – talk about how they both felt. But then it'd been revealed she was going away with Demming, and he's never felt like he's been punched so hard in the gut before.

She confused him, frustrated him beyond belief – but he still loved her. Couldn't switch off his feelings for her no matter how hard he'd tried.

He tried sleeping with Ellie Monroe. But it felt wrong, and then Gina and him had begun talking again and it felt like old times, so he invited her to the Hamptons instead, thought giving his last marriage another go would do good. It hadn't. They'd ended up fighting the second they arrived, and he knew trying again with Gina was only going to end up dirtier than their divorce.

He never knew how Kate felt, whether she felt anything, and he's not sure if her kissing him last night in the loft was because she wanted too, or because she felt obliged to. That since they were becoming a family and he'd invited her to stay that, that meant they had to be together; regardless if they felt anything for one another.

He sighs, barely even registers it slipping from his lips, or the fact that his face looks so glum. But Martha notices it, stops the duo from walking any further as they reach a corner.

"Kiddo, what's going on in that head of yours?"

He looks down at his mother, sees the concern in her eyes and he forces the edges of his lips up into a smile, head shaking. "Nothing, mother. I'm fine."

"I know when you're lying, and you're not very good at it, by the way. So, come on, tell me what's got you looking like you've just been scolded."

"We picked a name for the baby last night." He starts, face softening as he thinks about his _son_.

"Oh, Richard, that's marvellous! What is it?"

"Joseph Alexander Castle." He's beaming as he speaks, chest unable to not buff out as the proudness washes over him. Happiness bursts from speaking about his son – from both of his children. They were his greatest achievements, and being set on a name with Kate, one they were both fond of and liked, it made the situation so much more real. That in just a few months time he was going to be getting up in the middle of the night to change diapers and feed his son; that another pair of blue – possibly brown eyes mixed with green specks were going to be staring back at him. He'd also get to watch Kate with their son, watch her be a mother and see that soft and beautiful side of her he rarely got to see.

"Oh, that's a beautiful name." Martha beams back at him, hands coming to clasp his cheeks as she brings him down to kiss his cheeks. Once she's let him go and he's wiping off his mother's lipstick kisses, Martha begins speaking once more. "So, why does this have you all torn up and out here with me instead of back home with Kate?"

"She kissed me last night."

"I would've thought you'd be ecstatic about this." Her brows raise as she links her arm around Castle's and the pair continue down the pavement.

"I'm just confused, mother." His head shakes, a sigh falling from his lips. "It's never exactly been clear how she feels about me. One minute she's here, the next she's not."

"Oh, that's a load of bull, Richard. All you have to do is look at that girl's eyes and it's clear how she feels about you. I know the two of you had problems, that you both went in separate directions. And that's because you're both terrible at communicating. But one things for sure, that girl doesn't light up as much as she does whenever you're in the room."

His heart skips a beat, pulse beginning to beat out of rhythm as a lump begins to emerge in the middle of his throat.

"You really think so?"

"Oh, I know so kiddo." She taps Castle's arms, brows still raised high. "And if you're worried that her kissing you is a sign she's only doing it because you're having a child together, then you're very mistaken. Katherine Beckett doesn't seem like the type of girl to go around kissing anyone for no reason."

"She kissed someone else just weeks after we…" He trails off, suddenly getting uncomfortable talking about intercourse with his mother right beside him.

Martha only rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "My point is, Richard. She cares for you, and she wouldn't have compromised your friendship as well as the two of you becoming a family if she didn't feel something for you."

His brows pull together as he ponders on his mother's words. He knows Kate – well, as well as he likes to hope. He had crawled under her skin the second he met her. Found her so intriguing – so mesmerizingly beautiful inside and out. She was like a drug, one that was incurable of recovering from. But she let him see the parts he knows most people didn't get to see. They'd only known one another for a couple of weeks before she was spilling the death of her mother to him, and from the pain he saw in her eyes from speaking about it; he knows she didn't share it with just anyone.

She'd let him see her completely bare, both literally and figuratively. And knowing she hadn't slept with Demming, that all that was shared between the two was a kiss and nothing more, it couldn't help but give him some sort've hope – hope that she felt the same and no matter who she tried to distract herself with, it didn't work; just like it never seemed to work whenever he tried.

"You two really need to work on your communication skills. You're both appalling." His mother's words ring through as he tunes in and all he does is nod, because she's right. They're both terrible when it comes to talking. They never talk about anything, always skip over it and move on as if nothing happened. Except this time, neither of them could skip over anything and pretend like nothing happened – because they were having a child together, and if Kate felt the same as he did, then he wasn't going to let her run away this time.

* * *

After walking his mother to her theatre group, he'd taken a cab back home, pretty much hurried into the building of his loft and impatiently waited as the elevator rode up as slow as possible.

He had a burst of energy, an itch that needed to be scratched. He felt confident in himself, confident that if Kate and him both sat down and laid everything out flat that they could get somewhere instead of circling one another like lost ducklings.

He wasn't even sure Kate would be awake yet. Captain Montgomery had given her and the boys a couple days off, and he knew how exhausted she would be after this case. But he wanted to be there when she woke up at least.

He'd cook her breakfast, let the smell pull her from her slumber and he'd ease the two into a conversation over breakfast.

He walks through the loft, silence filling his ears and he glances around at his loft still in tip top condition. He moves forwards, sees the kitchen empty and then glances to his bedroom door open completely and his brows pull together.

"Kate?" He calls out as he heads into his bedroom. His pulse skips a beat as he sees the bed neatly made and his clothes he'd given her folded neatly on top. "Kate?" He calls out again as he searches the room and the bathroom but doesn't find her, and he gets an all too unfamiliar feeling like he had when he woke up their first night together.

He pulls out his phone and dials her number, his foot beginning to tap as he holds his breath.

"Beckett?" Her voice comes through the other line.

"Beckett – hey, where are you?"

"Oh, Castle… hey." He guesses by the tone in her voice she must've picked her phone up without looking at the caller id.

"I'm at my place, why?"

"Why are you at your place?" He ignores her question, his brows pulling together as he moves out of his bedroom and towards his front door, ready to start heading to her place.

"Because I told you last night that I didn't bring anything with me, and as comfortable as your clothes are, Castle – I can't wear them forever."

"So, you're coming back then?" He holds his breath, brow raising as he stops in front of his door.

"Yes, of course. I promised you I'd stay, didn't I?"

He exhales a sigh of relief, his head nodding before he realises she can't actually see him.

"Do you need any help bringing your stuff over?" He asks.

"Even if I say no, you'll still come." He can hear the smirk in her tone, and his heart feels light, so much lighter than it did when they last spoke to one another last night, and he wonders if the conversation he's so desperate to have with her is going to go well or not.

"I'll be there in ten."

* * *

After Alexis had left, Kate ended up making herself some toast before the silence in the large loft became too much for her, as well as her own thoughts. She slipped out of Castle's clothes and placed them neatly on the bed she'd just made before putting on her clothes from the day before.

It didn't take long to get back to her own apartment, and the second she entered a warm feeling ran through her, a sigh of relief escaping her lips.

She showered, put on some clean clothes and pulled out a suitcase before starting to pile things into it.

She'd been in the process of deciding whether or not she needed another bag or suitcase when her phone had gone off, and like autopilot she'd picked the phone up, placed it to her ear and spoke without even checking who it had been.

When she heard Castle's voice, her pulse had picked up speed, thudded beneath her chest at the worried tone in his voice and she couldn't help her lips from curling into a small smile.

He cared about her, and she's not sure why she finds herself doubting that at times.

They hadn't exactly ended their conversation on the best of terms, neither were happy; that was clear. But she knew she had to talk to him, that being scared wasn't an excuse to put this off any longer. They both had clearer heads from a well-rested sleep and she knew it was now or never.

If she wanted to be with him, wanted them to be a family, then she had to tell him instead of them going back and forth and confusion sitting between them.

After he offered to come and help her, telling her he'd be there in ten she had made herself look more presentable, nerves bubbling up inside of her as she tried to distract herself by packing away clothes and necessities.

She was in the process of picking up the plush elephant he'd brought for Joseph when she heard knocking coming from the door and her lips pulled up into a smile as she headed towards it. Her chest rose as she sucked in a breath and reached for the handle, exhaling when she opened the door to reveal Castle on the other side.

"Hey."

"Hey." She breathed out, glancing down as she stepped to the side to allow him to come in.

"You bringing that with you?" Castle speaks after she's shut the door behind him and she glances down to where he's pointing at; the plush elephant.

"Yeah, I mean – it's probably stupid, but having this just… I don't know, makes me feel safer." She shrugs, fingers smoothing out the small arms on the elephant. "It's his, and it'll go in his crib with him so just… having this with me…"

"I understand." He smiles at her, nodding slightly as his eyes crinkle.

Her teeth sink into her bottom lip as she looks up at him. "I'll just, yeah… I'm almost done." She clears her throat as she moves around him to head into her bedroom, Castle following behind her.

"You got everything you need? I mean, even if you don't we'll probably have it and even if we don't, we can just get you whatever you're missing."

She smiles over her shoulder at him as she carefully tucks away the elephant into her suitcase. "You're too good to me." She murmurs under her breath.

"Huh?" Castle asks, stepping closer to her and Kate shrugs, head shaking.

"Nothing. But um, I think I'm good to go." She zips up the suitcase, starts to lift it as Castle moves around her and reaches out.

"Here, let me." His hand brushes against hers and it causes a tingling sensation to ripple through her body, a small lump forming in the middle of her throat as she pulls her hand away and lets him lift the suitcases off the bed.

"Castle, before we go…" Her chest rises, pulse beginning to pound as heat travels up the sides of her neck to her ears.

"Yeah?" He looks at her a little too eagerly, brows raising as he grips the handles of the suitcase.

She swallows the lump in her throat, hands coming to play with one another as her gaze drops to them. "Do you think we could talk? About… _us_." She pauses, chest rising, pulse thumping in her ears as her gaze flicks up to him. "About everything?"

The edges of his lips curl in the slightest as he nods at her. "I'd really like that." He lets out a breath that she doesn't miss, and follows him out of her bedroom as he places the suitcases by the door before coming to meet her on the couch.


	12. Chapter 12

Her pulse can't help but thump beneath the cage of her ribs, the beats unsteady and out of rhythm as the force travels to her ears; causes a heat to run up the sides of her neck and coat her ears. She tucks her legs underneath her on the couch and swallows the small lump that began to emerge in her throat before her chest is rising and she's taking a deep breath to calm her nerves.

Expressing how she feels – talking about her flaws, none of it has ever come easy for her. She's gotten away with so much before Castle came along – before he managed to seep into her veins and wrap himself around her heart and make it inevitable for her to not confront how she feels about him sooner or later.

She hates being exposed, hates opening herself up to someone and giving them that choice to _hurt_ her. After her mother died she swore to herself she'd never let anything or anyone cause her to feel such an ache that made her want to claw herself from the inside out.

But then Castle came along, and he was _different._ Maybe it was the fact that his books had gotten her through her mother's death, or maybe it was because she saw a side to him that page six didn't print – his true form, and that true form; the kind, loving father who'd do anything for the ones he cares about and loves – it made her heart swell, and slowly the idea of giving him her heart didn't seem like the worst thing.

Yet, she couldn't stop self-sabotaging herself. It became a thing for her to sabotage anything good that came into her life – knowing that sooner or later it'd only result in heartache and a pain so unbearable that the wound opened from her mother's death would re-open, make it impossible for it to ever heal again.

"There's some things that I need to tell you – that I need to say to you, and I need you to listen to me, because you deserve to hear the truth for once instead of me holding back or sugar-coating everything." Her brows pull together as she sucks in another breath, her gaze landing on Castle sitting beside her.

He nods, encouraging her to continue and Kate's gaze drops to her lap, her hands coming to rest at her stomach as she pulls her bottom lip into her mouth.

"That night… when we conceived Joseph, it wasn't – you weren't some distraction or form of comfort. I think I always knew something would happen between us, and I used the case as a way to put things off. So, I wouldn't have to deal with it, because as you can see… I'm not the greatest when it comes to handling emotions or feelings." An airy chuckle slips past her lips as she chews on the edge of her lip.

"Kate–"

"No, Rick, just – let me finish. If I don't get all of this out in one go, it'll never come out." Her gaze flicks up as her arm reaches out to grip his arm and he closes his mouth, his adam's apple bopping.

Her tongue sweeps out across her bottom lip, eyes dropping to her stomach once more as her chest rises and she pulls back her hand from his arm.

"I was scared of what I felt for you – how much I felt for you and so I ran. I ran because I didn't want to get hurt and I didn't want to hurt you. Though… I failed there." Air falls from her nostrils, her head shaking in the slightest.

Her head lifts, gaze locking with his as he watches her. "Did I ever tell you that… that your books got me through my mom's death?"

She sees his lips part in the slightest, his chest rise and something glisten in his eyes. He shakes his head, brows slowly pulling together.

The edges of Kate's lips curl slightly as she drops her gaze from him once more. "They were her favourite – you were her favourite author and she gave me one of your books before she died, but I never got around to reading it… wasn't interested. But then, after she died… your book was just sitting there… staring at me and it made me feel closer to her. I read it all in one night." She stops, her lips still pulled up into a small smile as her hand runs along her stomach. "So, you see. You were already somebody very important to me – before you came into my life like a tornado." She laughs slightly, her chest rising once more. "The papers perceived you as this playboy and then when I met you all I could associate you with was what they had written. But you didn't seem to help what they had written about you… you always had woman on each arm and you acted like a nine year old on a sugar rush and you – you frustrated me and annoyed me but then you…" Her head shakes, brows pulling together. "Then I started to see who you really were… the real you – the one they didn't write about and I started to fall for you, Rick. The real you and that scared me, because after my mom died I swore to myself I'd never let myself fall for somebody like that… fall for somebody who could completely ruin me… because I didn't want to hurt like I did when she died ever again." Her chest rises, eyes falling shut as her tongue slips from her lips. "Then that case happened and nothing was supposed to happen but you were there and you were so sweet and comforting and I just wanted to be held… but then I got greedy." _I wanted more. I wanted you to love me._ She thinks to herself as she leans into the couch more, her elbow digging into the cushion and her slender digits sliding up into her hair to hold the side of her face up.

"I woke up the next morning and I couldn't deal with it… couldn't deal with possibly losing you. Because you had become too important to me. Our partnership had become too important to me and I didn't… I didn't want to lose that so I ran, because if I ran and pretended it didn't happen… then I could keep my heart intact."

Her lips rub together, her free hand trailing back and forth against her stomach as a small sigh falls from her lips.

"We never talked about it afterwards, and that's my fault. I never pushed for it, I just backed away and thought it'd be something we could forget about – pretend never happened so that we could go on like normal, go on with the partnership that we had."

"Demming?"

Castle's voice rings through and her eyes fall closed again, another sigh slipping from her lips.

"Yeah, he – he came at the wrong time." Her head shakes as she swallows another lump formed in her throat. "You and I… it was so weird between us and I knew that was my fault and I should've just talked to you but I didn't. And Demming – it was never serious with him, I made it seem like it was so much more than it was to make you jealous – get a rise out of you, I don't know why… I guess I just wanted to see if you felt the same as I did. But you never said anything, you just… backed away so I tried to keep pursuing Demming – tried to forget about what I felt for you."

She hates the choices she made back then. The games she played, she toyed with not only her emotions, but Castle and Demming's as well.

"Then you invited me to the Hamptons and I didn't know what to think. I was afraid that if I went away with you we'd start talking about what happened between us and that we'd end up ruining our partnership – that we'd ruin each other, and I..." Her head shakes, brows furrowing more.

"Demming asked me to go away with him for the weekend, I hadn't said yes yet – I wasn't planning to say yes if I'm being honest. I was trying to distract myself from what I felt for you by throwing myself at somebody else and it wasn't working. And then…"

"You found out you were pregnant."

Kate nods her head, her chest rising once more as she exhales the breath. "Then I found out I was pregnant and reality started to hit. Things seemed clear to me. It was either; face up to everything with you and risk getting hurt, or be with Demming and lose you completely. So, I broke things off with Demming and I was going to ask if the invitation to the Hamptons was still available so that I could tell you up there and away from everyone that I was pregnant. But then you were just looking at me and I couldn't keep it in any longer – I wanted to tell you right then and there that you were going to be a father, that we were having a baby."

"Then Gina showed up." He cuts in, hand reaching out to take a hold of Kate's hand, pulling it into his lap and Kate's pulse skips another beat, the rhythm that'd slowly begun to get back to normal now beating irregularly.

"It's not your fault, or hers – It's mine for not saying or doing anything sooner. I waited till the last minute and I was angry at myself. I was angry and hurt because I had been so stupid… I had been so afraid of getting hurt, yet I'd already hurt myself in the process. I let you walk away and so I aimed all that anger and hurt at you and didn't tell you about Joseph to punish you for what I'd done. But that wasn't fair… it was so selfish of me."

She focuses hard on their hands, how their fingers begin to intertwine and she squeezes his hand, tears beginning to emerge around the rims of her lids.

"God, I'm so sorry, Rick. I've been an idiot this entire time. I keep making all these stupid mistakes. I keep hurting you and pushing you away and – I'm just – so sorry." Her head shakes, tears starting to slip from her lids as she squeezes his hand once more before he's pulling her into his chest and her eyes fall closed as she feels his hand wrap around the back of her neck and his chin rest against the top of her head.

"I wish you hadn't ran that morning, Kate."

"Me too." She murmurs, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as her chest rises. "I kept falling harder for you, but I didn't feel like I deserved you… and I don't. I don't deserve you. You deserve so much better, Castle. Not someone who toys with your emotions and keeps the fact they're pregnant from you. Not someone so damaged."

She feels his head shake above her, his grip around her tightening.

"No – you're wrong, Kate. Yes – what you did, it hurt me – you hurt me, and you have been stupid. But I've been stupid too. I just let you run away – I didn't even follow you, I didn't show you just how much you mean to me and what I feel for you. I tried to give you space, and then I thought you didn't feel the same – that you felt something for Demming and you seemed happy, so I stepped back… but I shouldn't have." His head shakes, his grip on her tightening as his chest rises. "I should've told you that morning what I felt for you… and you're not damaged, Kate. You're healing – you lost the most important person to you, but that doesn't mean you have to stop living… or push everyone away that comes into your life and you're not – I don't deserve – god I don't want anyone but you." He grunts, his voice not steady, words fast and starting to be jumbled. "I should've told you that –"

He cuts himself off, pauses, his chest rising as his tongue slips out of his mouth, moistening his lips as he leans his head back and Kate shifts, turning her head to glance up at him. Her brows pulling together; furrowing as their eyes meet. "That, what?"

"That I love you." It's the first time he's uttered the words and not only does his breathing stop, but hers does as well.

He told himself he wasn't going to let her run this time – that he was going to tell her how he really felt, and the way she'd been going – what she'd been telling him, it was clear to him that she felt the same, or at least was heading in that direction.

Kate's heart thuds, the sound causing a deafening ring in her ears and her vision begins to blur, tears slipping down her cheeks that Rick's hand is lifting to wipe away and she can't help but shudder from his touch.

"You – you love me?" The words come out so breathless as her eyes fall shut and she leans into his touch as tears continue to fall and cascade down her cheeks.

"I do – have for a while… and I'm not – I'm not going to let you run away this time, Kate. You're not running away from me – from _this_ because – we could be so great, you and I – more than just a partnership. More than just parents, but a family. All three of us."

The edges of her lips curl, eyes fluttering open as her chest swells, the beating of her heart going out of rhythm.

"And I know you're scared, but I'm not going anywhere. I love you, and I love Joseph and I want us to be a family – a proper family."

Tears continue to fall, and she truly wonders what she's done to deserve someone so loving and understanding as Castle. She'd put him through hell the past few months, and could've prevented all of this from happening had she just stayed in his arms that morning, and pushed away the fear she felt and told him how she truly felt.

Her eyes fall to his lips before she's moving in and closing the gap between them.

This time his lips move back against hers, and their lips are so soft and delicate as they move against one another. Far softer than all the other times their lips have met.

Kate's lips part, words spilling from her mouth that vibrate against Rick's and cause him to pull her in tighter against him.

"You're right… You're always right." Her head shakes, hand lifting to slide into his hair as her lips press more firmly against his. "And I – I love you too, Rick." She murmurs so quietly, the words so foreign coming from her lips and he stills beneath her before the edges of his lips are curling and he's kissing her back with more force – more passion.


	13. Chapter 13

"So, tell me why we're painting two walls yellow and the other two green?" Castle asks, brows raised as he carefully sets down the large tubs of paint onto the tarp.

"Because… the baby book said that a nice subtle green can be very calming, refreshing and nurturing for a baby." She comes round to his side, her arm slipping round his back as he smiles down at her, wrapping his arm around her waist as his gaze soon drops to her stomach pressing into his side.

After the talk they had with one another just six weeks ago, they had slowly been learning to communicate with one another better, and had grown more and more closer. It took some adjusting; the shift in their partnership and friendship slowly blooming into the relationship they'd both wanted from day one. They had gone out on a couple of dates within that time; got to know one another more, as they had realised that despite spending every day with one another for the past year – they still didn't know as much about one another as they thought. Most of their nights were spent between the precinct and Castle's loft before ending with the duo wrapped in each other's arms – the guest bedroom Castle was planning to sleep in going untouched.

They had tried to keep their relationship a secret for the sake of putting no pressure on one another and adjusting to being a couple, but Martha and Alexis found out just days after the pair had talked, and Kate felt it was only right that since they knew, that her father know as well. After that it was just the boys, Lanie and Montgomery left to know, and after a few weeks of trying their best to hide it, eventually everyone found it. Everyone was of course thrilled for them and the family they were about to become.

"And yellow?" He tilts his head, hand coming to rest against her stomach as his thumb begins to move back and forth lightly.

"It's energetic and cheerful, plus it promotes concentration and emotive thoughts." She pats his chest, a smile plastered across her face before she's pulling away from him and moving towards the tubs of paint.

"Shouldn't I be the one obsessing over baby books and what every little detail means? I thought you hated all of that."

"I do… well, I used to." She shrugs, bending down carefully as she glances over her shoulder at him before opening the tub of yellow paint. "But I also have no idea what I'm doing, Castle and well… those books seem to know what they're talking about. Plus, I think a soft yellow and green go well together and will tie the room together well."

She beams at him once more before her hands are coming to rest at her hips, her teeth slowly sinking into her bottom lip as her gaze travels around the room.

The room was empty, aside from the tarp covering the carpet and the tape lining each wall and window. But as soon as they finish painting the cream walls to a soft yellow and green, they'd be slipping in all the furniture they'd brought for Joseph.

"I think they go together well too… just like you and me." His arms slip around her from behind, his head coming to rest against her shoulder as Kate's head turns, eyes rolling as a smirk creases her lips.

"Are you ever not cheesy?" Her brow arches and Castle's smirk only grows wider as his head shakes. "Good. I like it." She murmurs, leaning in to press her lips against his.

* * *

"Remind me why we decided it'd be a good idea for _us_ to paint Joseph's room instead of getting professionals to do it?" Castle asks as he steps down from the step ladder with a huff, dropping the paint brush carefully onto the ground. "Is this some bonding mechanism of yours, Kate?" He chuckles slightly as he comes over to sit down next to her against one of the dry walls.

Her shoulders shrug, a soft yet dazed smile spread across her face as she takes in the _almost_ complete room of yellow and green, the sun light from outside illuminating the room and making it glow with warmth.

"When I was little and I'd go through different stages, my parents would always buy the paint I wanted and we'd do it together…" She glances over to Castle beside her, his hand finding hers and pulling it into his lip as the edges of his eyes crinkle at the information she shares with him. "Well, I say we'd do it together, but halfway through I'd always get bored and sneak off or flick paint everywhere." A small bubble of laughter escapes from the man beside her and she bumps her shoulder into his.

"Katherine Beckett, I didn't think you had it in you." He wiggles his brows and she shakes her head, a small laugh escaping through her lips.

"Well, Rebel Becks certainly did." Her tongue swipes across her lower lip as she rests her head against his shoulder and takes in the room once more. "I'd come back hours later and my parents would still be painting and they just… they looked so content and happy… so in love." A content sigh escapes through her lips as Castle gently rubs her hand. "My room just… always felt so happy and safe. It's like they were right there with me, even if they were just down the hall… but it was comforting as a kid to know my parents had painted my room." She shrugs, eyes falling closed as her hand comes to her stomach. "It may be stupid or not make sense…"

"I don't think it's stupid at all. I wish I would've done it with, Alexis. I mean, I tried to... I'd always let her pick out the paint but it always ended in us having paint wars, so we never got the job done." Kate chuckles beside him her head lifting as their eyes lock.

"Guess I'm not the only rebel around her."

"You know, if you weren't heavily pregnant… I would've challenged you to a paint war."

"What, you think that just because I'm pregnant I'm not capable of beating you?" Her brow arches before her brows are pulling together, lids squinting in the slightest.

"Now, now, Beckett – I didn't say you weren't capable of beating me, I just wouldn't want to hurt your feelings." He puts his hands up in defence and the edges of Kate's lips curl into a small, but devilish grin as her head shakes in the slightest.

"You know, we really should finish up this last wall." She quips, carefully rising to her feet – Castle helping her up as she moves towards the paint, picking up the tub and brush as she looks over at Castle turning away from her to grab the other and a smirk grows wide across her lips.

She dips the brush inside the paint before flicking it at him, paint splattering across his back and head.

He gasps feeling the cool substance hit his back, his eyes widen as he quickly turns to see Kate standing on the opposite end in a fit of laughter.

"Beckett!" He almost screeches, as his mouth hangs open.

She smirks at him, brow kinking into the air as she opens her mouth to speak before she's quickly flicking more paint at him.

His eyes just manage to close as paint starts to coat his face and he can't help the chuckle that bubbles out of him before a devilish smirk is spreading across his face. "Oh, you are _so_ going to pay for that…" He's bending down to grab the tub and brush before turning back to Kate.

"I'm pregnant, you wouldn't dare."

"Oh, wouldn't I?" His head cocks to the side, a smirk still plastered across his face as he moves towards her slowly, his brush swirling around in the paint before he's coming to stop in front of her and lifting it out of the tub, her eyes following his every move.

"Castle, if you get any paint on me – or ruin these walls, you're sleeping on the couch."

"Hey now, that's no fair, Kate. You flick paint at me, and I can't do the same?" His brow raise and Kate fights the smirk threatening to spill across her face before it's dropping completely as Castle flicks paint at her.

It's her turn to gasp and she almost drops the tub in her hands. "Castle!" She grunts, brows pulling together as she wipes away the splattered paint on her face and shoots him a look.

The smirk on his face subsides, worry washing over his face as he steps closer. "Kate, I'm sorr–" Before he can even finish, Kate's wiping her brush across the side of his face, a yellow line now smeared across his cheek and lips.

"You played me!" His eyes widen, lips parting as he quickly wipes away the paint before looking up at Kate darting away from him and his head shakes, another smirk creasing his lips. "Oh, you're so going to pay for that!"

* * *

They both pad down the stairs, covered from head to toe in yellow and green paint, half of it mixed and patches of blue marking them.

"Oh my, what on earth happened to you two!" Martha stops in her tracks in the kitchen, a look of horror washed across her face as she takes in the sight of the two before her.

"We were painting Joseph's nursery, mother." He chuckles slightly, taking a glance at Kate beside him.

"I didn't realise you two were the nursery."

"That may have been my fault, Martha." Kate speaks up, teeth digging into her bottom lip.

"May have?" Castle's brows raise as he turns to face Kate, heat starting to smear across her cheeks.

"How much damage to the walls this time?" Martha asks.

"Well, let's just say there's a reason why Alexis and I never finished painting."

"I'll call a professional tomorrow, for now let's go get cleaned up. Mother will you be joining us for dinner tonight?" His hands come to Kate's hips as he starts to guide her towards his bedroom before he's glancing over his shoulder.

"Unfortunately, no. I've got a class tonight, so you kiddos will have to fend for yourselves."

"Guess it's just you and I tonight since Alexis is at a friend's." He pecks the side of Kate's head, her lips growing into a wide smile.

Once they enter Castle's bedroom they head towards the bathroom. Castle turns the shower on, adjusting the position to make the water's temperature suitable for Kate while she moves towards the mirror and takes in her appearance.

A laugh bubbles up out of her as she takes in all the smears of paint splattered across her body. She catches Castle's eyes in the mirror and her head shakes, a smirk creasing her lips. "So, who exactly won, huh?" She turns to face him, glancing up and down as he moves towards her.

"I don't think anyone's supposed to win in those… or we both are." His brows pull together momentarily before shrugging as he stops in front of Kate, leaning down to press his lips against hers.

"You trying to make blue, Castle?" She mumbles against his lips, her arms wrapping around his neck and he chuckles against her.

"Maybe." He presses his lips against hers once more before he's pulling back. "Alright, I'll let you shower first. I'll go lay out some clothes for you."

She shakes her head as he pulls away, and she tightens her grip around his neck. "Shower with me."

"You sure?" He looks down at her and she nods her head, the edges of her lips slowly curling upwards.

Though they'd officially been a couple for a while now and slept in the same bed each night, the two still hadn't been as intimate as they had been or seen one another like they had the night they conceived Joseph.

"I may look a little different from the last time you saw me." Kate murmurs, a shyness in her voice Castle doesn't think he's heard before and he can't help but be in awe as he watches her pull her bottom lip into her mouth and the light shade of pink that surfaces beneath the yellows, greens an blues covering her cheeks.

When she's shy, it's adorable to him – this tough, yet savvy detective always managed to melt his heart as each day passed by, and getting to see her softer side was his favourite part.

Kate carefully lifts her shirt over her head, her pulse beginning to race and pound as she slips out of her clothes. She's nervous, although he's seen her naked before; the time had been a fast frenzy and the darkness had enveloped them both not giving either of them a chance to properly take one another in.

She hesitates before glancing over at him and her heart skips a beat at the awe in his eyes as his gaze travels down her body, taking all of her in. "You're beautiful, Kate. So, so beautiful." His hands brush past her stomach before resting at her hips, and moving up her sides before his gaze locks with hers and his hands are cupping her cheeks, his thumbs gently brushing back and forth. "You were beautiful the first time I saw you, but now… carrying our child, god – you're mesmerizing, Kate." He almost chokes out as his forehead presses against hers and Kate's eyes fall closed as she refrains from letting tears slip free.

Rick soon discards his clothes before the two are slipping into the shower. They both take turns in running the soap along one another's body and washing away the remains of the paint before Kate's resting her head against Rick's chest, her stomach bumping his chest as his hands gently run up and down her back.

The two stand there in a blissful silence, the water lightly pounding onto each of them as they hold one another.

Kate's about to open her mouth and speak before she hears her phone going off in the bedroom and she groans quietly as she pulls away from Castle. "Hey, no, stay." He frowns at her, fighting to pull her back towards him, not wanting this moment between them to end, but she moves out of the shower too fast.

"Could be with boys with info on the case." She says before grabbing a towel and disappearing into the bedroom.

Castle sighs, shutting off the shower and wrapping a towel around his waist before heading into the bedroom.

"Okay, that's great, yeah – we'll be there in fifteen." Kate speaks into the phone before pressing end to the call and dropping it onto the bed as she spins round to face Castle.

"That was Espo, he finally got a canvass on our mystery passenger."

"You're not seriously going in, are you?" His brows pull together as Kate gives him a confused look as she heads towards the walk-in closet – Castle had insisted she hang up her clothes, make herself feel more welcomed and at home instead of having everything in her suitcases.

"Of course, I am, why wouldn't I be?" She riffles through her tops before deciding on a turtle neck, and as she turns Castle blocks her way.

"Maybe because you just spent the morning not only painting a room, but painting yourself? You've got to be tired, Kate. You're meant to be taking it easy."

"I'm fine, Castle – and I am taking it easy." She moves around him before snatching a pair of maternity jeans hanging up and heading back into the bedroom. "Besides, come Monday I'll officially be put on desk duty – so I'm going to milk as much freedom as I have."

She's pulling on her clothes as Castle huffs, his arms coming to fold across his chest. "The boys would understand if you didn't come in. They can handle this case, I just really think you should take it easy for the rest of the day, maybe take a nap. Painting and paint wars can take a lot out of a person, especially a pregnant person." He shrugs and Kate sighs as she heads back towards the bathroom.

"Castle. The boys are the ones who went out and picked up our guy, usually we'd be doing that. All I'll be doing is interrogating our suspect and seeing if we can make a break in this case." She pauses momentarily as she glances over at him. "I'm going to be put on desk duty till Joseph is born and probably as soon as I go back to work, just let me have these last few days where I can be useful instead of sitting behind a desk doing paperwork. I promise the second I'm tired, we'll come back home, alright?"

"Fine. But that doesn't mean I'm happy about this." He mumbles, as Kate ignores him and moves to start drying her hair.


	14. Chapter 14

"Can you stop sulking?" A sigh falls from Kate's lips as her and Castle ride the elevator up to the precinct floor.

"I'm not sulking." Castle says, a frown forming across his face as the elevator dings, the precinct floor being revealed to them, and the duo step out of the elevator, soon rounding the corner into the bullpen.

"Then what do you call this mood you're in? You've been like this since we left." She glances at him briefly before she's glancing around the bullpen in search of Esposito and Ryan.

"I just think you should be at home resting." His hands stuff into his pockets, shoulders shrugging as they continue towards the observation room – gathering the boys must already be interrogating their suspect – which Castle was hoping they were, and hoped this was the one time they'd get a confession early so he could take Kate back home.

"You're not still going on about that, are you?" She sighs once more, pushing open the door and glancing towards the one-way mirror to see Esposito and Ryan seated in front of who she presumes is their mystery guy before she's turning to face Castle, her arms coming to fold across her chest and rest atop of her stomach. "Castle, I told you, I'm fine. Just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I'm incompetent. I'm more than capable of doing my job."

She can't help the irritation in her voice as her brows pull together; furrowing, at Castle as her body shifts, turning back to face the one-way mirror. She understood his concern, _loved_ the fact that he was already so protective over her and Joseph, but it was starting to get on her nerves now. She only had a few days left out in the field before Montgomery was ordering her to be strictly desk ridden, and she was at least a month away from her due date – Castle had to stop worrying so much.

"I just don't want you to run yourself ragged, Kate. This morning was a lot, even for me – nobody would blame you if you opt out and went home to rest. The boys can take care of the case, seems to me like they're doing fine without us already." He cocks his head, gaze shifting to the room the boys are in, momentarily; watching as they rise from their seats and head towards the door.

"Castle! Just give it a rest, would you?" Her voice can't help but raise, frustration starting to seep through her veins, a groan threatening to slip from her lips as she shoots him a look.

The boys are soon entering, and they stop briefly, clearly noticing the tension in the room and the demeanour's from their fellow friends and colleagues.

"Uh… everything okay?" Esposito asks, brows pulled together and one beginning to raise slightly.

Kate stares at Castle a second longer before flicking her gaze to Espo and nodding her head. "Fine." Her arms unfold as she glances down to the file Esposito's holding. "So, what'd our mystery guy have to say?"

"Well, for one thing – he's not our killer." He hands the case file over to Kate who's brows quickly pull together as she scans down the new information written down.

"Are you sure? Because that would ruin a perfectly good theory." Castle glances up from glancing over Kate's shoulder to look at Esposito who starts explaining to him about a solid alibi their suspect has.

"He was with the Syrian Ambassador at a soccer game at Bennet Field. There are photos online to prove it."

"Which brings us back to square one." Kate sighs in frustration, head shaking in the slightest as she closes the file and heads out of the observation room, the boys following close behind her.

She moves through the bullpen and towards her desk before placing the file down on her desk as she leans against it, a hand coming to her hip as the other rests against her stomach.

The four of them begin to brainstorm in front of the murder board before they're piecing a few clues together, Castle throwing in a theory that the numbers they'd gathered earlier was an address, and after Ryan had put it in his computer; they discovered it indeed was – that it was a storage unit.

Though Castle hadn't been happy about Kate jumping to go check out the storage unit, he didn't fight her against it this time – he could already see the irritation and frustration that radiated off of her and he didn't want to stress her out anymore. All they had to do was check out this storage unit, and if it was a dead end then they'd be back at the precinct.

So, what was the _worst_ that could happen checking out a storage unit?

* * *

Despite his mind focused on Kate and wanting her to take it slow, he was still giddy over their current case; never being able to not be fully invested in what they were solving. He was of course, a mystery writer after all, so no matter how distracted he was – he was still paying attention and eager for the story to unfold.

"Murder, political intrigue, cash payments, and now a mysterious storage locker? Oh, this is too good." He smirks as they head down the building, both looking out for the number C412 on a storage unit, which as soon as they came across it, has Castle's brows pulling together in confusion. "Wait, how're we gonna get it open?" His head tilts to the side as he examines the secure lock.

"Well, if all else fails…" Castle glances up to see Kate holding a pair of bolt cutters and striking a pose in his direction. From the image before him, Castle couldn't help but be extremely turned on and he swallowed the lump in his throat hard.

"For reasons… too disturbing to mention, I – I find that hot." His eyes roam up and down her body and he refrains from shifting – knowing it would only make him even more uncomfortable.

Kate's smirk can only grow wider, a slight warmth emerging across her cheeks before she's shaking her head and rolling her eyes and dropping the bolt cutters into the duffel bag she'd grabbed earlier and pulling out the keys to the storage. "Or, I grabbed Amir's keys from property. So, hopefully, this is his locker." She moves towards the lock, sliding the key into the hole.

"Which it is." Castle says as the lock unlocks. "What do you think's in there?"

"I don't know." Kate shrugs, brow kinking slightly as the smallest of smirks creases her lips. "Might be empty like Al Capone's vault."

"Oh, no. think of all the amazing things that are found in storage units at times like these." He moves to stand back, arms rising from his sides as he puts on a German accent. "Ark of the covenant, Dr. Jones."

Kate's brow only raises at him, before she's soon lifting the door to the unit and pulling out her torch and shining it around the empty storage unit. They move into it slowly as she shines the torch around, the crate at the back becoming more evident as they enter.

"Well, the ark of the Covenant was in a crate." Castle leans down to open the crate to reveal guns and packs of C4 lining both the bottom and top of it.

Kate steps closer, the packages seeming unusual to her and as she presses her finger against it, that's when she realises. "Plastic explosives."

Before she can say or do anything else, she's startled and jumping from the sound of a beeper going off, and it takes her a second to process the beeping is coming from her own beeper. She soon shines her torch down onto the beeper and see's the glowing red light at maximum – and that's when her heart drops into her stomach, her pulse coming to a stop as her eyes widen and her mouth goes dry.

She stills for a moment before all her training runs through her mind and she's shutting the crate.

"Castle, get out! Get out!"

"What?" He asks in confusion, not understanding the fear in her voice.

"Go!" She yells at him, shoving him forwards and he's quickly rushing out as she follows behind him, dropping her flashlight as she emerges from the storage locker.

"Castle, back away from the door! Get away!" She yells, quickly reaching up to grab the storage locker door and slamming it shut as she rushes down the hall, Castle only slightly ahead of her.

"What's going on? What is that thing?" Worry fills his voice, his chest rising and falling as he spins round to search Kate's face for answers but she's busy pulling out her phone and speaking into it.

"This is Detective Kate Beckett, badge number 0334. I've been exposed to high levels of radiation. We need emergency services right away."

* * *

He's confused, worried and scared – but not for himself, not about being exposed to radiation – no, he's scared for Kate – for his son, and he has no idea where she is. The pair were separated the second emergency services arrived, and now he's being dragged down a long plastic tube by men wearing hazman suits and if he wasn't freaking out he'd think this was extremely cool.

They toss him inside, zipping up the door – confining him and his fist collides with it, shaking the plastic door. "Guys, you can't just – you can't! Just, at least tell me where Kate is – how serious this is!" He calls out, a sigh falling as his pulse pounds beneath the cage of his ribs.

He turns around to examine the room – but that's when he sees her.

She's standing at the other end of the tent, wide eyed and afraid. He can see her chest rising and falling, the tears that are falling down her cheeks and he quickly dashes towards her, their bodies carefully colliding as his arms wrap around her tightly.

"Oh, god, Kate." He sighs into her hair and she lets out a sob against him, her grip tightening around his shoulders.

"Are you – god, are you okay?" He pulls her back, holding her from her shoulders as he examines her, eyes darting to her stomach before back up to her.

"I'm – I'm fine." She lets it out with a shaky breath, more tears rolling down her cheeks as she feels Castle's thumb wiping them away. She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, head lifting and gaze landing on him. "I'm so sorry, Castle. I'm so sorry." Her head shakes and Castle looks at her confused as she buries her face against his chest.

"Sorry? Kate – this isn't your fault." He wraps his arm around her back, beginning to rub his hand up and down to soothe her as his other hand comes to rest at her stomach.

"If I hadn't been so stubborn about coming into work today – we'd be at home, and not here – we wouldn't be – our baby wouldn't be…" Her head shakes, a gasp falling from her lips as her body can't help but tremble.

She knew the risks of being exposed to high radiation while being pregnant – all the health problems that can arise, she could've prevented putting their child in danger had she listened to Castle and stayed home, rather than going into work and exposing not only herself, but her child to radiation.

"Hey, no – you couldn't have known. You didn't know. it's not your fault, Kate." Castle shakes his head, it only dawning on him now the high risks of pregnant woman being exposed to radiation, but he knows if he freaks out – that getting angry and telling her _I told you so_ won't do either of them any good. He has to be the strong and stable one for them right now, try his best to reassure her – even if he wasn't so sure himself.

He carefully moves them to the seats in the middle of the room and sits them down, Kate still latched onto his side, her tears staining his suit jacket.

"What if its serious, Castle? What if something's wrong – or something happens? It'll all be my fault." Her gaze drops to her stomach, a sob threatening to slip from her mouth, her vision still blurred from tears continuing to fall from her eyes. Was she ever going to do anything, right? Her child wasn't even out of her yet and she was already screwing him up.

She closes her eyes rather tightly, face burying itself into Castle's chest more as her head shakes. "I'm so –" Her words are cut short by a sharp pain shooting through her body and her hands immediately come to her stomach as she sucks in a breath.

"What? What is it?" Castle leans back, looking down at her worried and Kate can't take the look in his eyes – knows fully well that if something were to happen to their child that he wouldn't forgive her. She wouldn't even forgive herself.

She forces a smile on her lips, hands rubbing against her stomach as the pain starts to subside. "N–nothing..." She shrugs, mind swarming with too much to come up with some lame excuse, but she doesn't want Castle worrying even more.

"That didn't look like nothing, Kate." His hand comes to cover hers on her stomach, his brows pulled together as he stares down at her stomach.

"He was kicking – that's all, took me by surprise." She shrugged, teeth soon sinking into her lower lip. But she knows the difference between Joseph kicking and the intense pain that shot through her body – and that was _definitely_ not her son kicking, but she sees Castle's face soften and hears the small sigh of relief that slips free from his lips, so she decides against telling him the truth – for now at least.

"That – that's good. He's moving, he's active." The edges of his lips crease and he's bending down onto the floor, moving between Kate's legs to rest his hands against her stomach.

"Hey, little man." His voice goes soft, and Kate's eyes fall closed, tears slipping through them. "You know your mommy doesn't like surprises, but right now this is a good surprise." He glances up at Kate, one of his hands lifting to cup her cheek and her eyes open, gaze landing on him. "He's letting us know he's okay." He nods – tries to reassure her with one of those dazzling smiles that always comforts her but her chest aches, pulse skipping with each beat with what she's withholding from him.

* * *

"You're free to go." One of the hazmat specialists says while entering, glancing over at Castle and Beckett – Castle sitting between Kate's legs, his hands still against her stomach.

"Uh, we are?" He asks the specialist, his brows pulling together, lips gaping slightly.

"What about the radiation?" Kate asks.

"We found residual traces of Cobalt 60 in the storage unit. Not enough to cause any health problems." He pauses glancing at Kate's stomach. "For you or baby."

Relief immediately washes over Kate, her shoulders already feeling light as the edges of her lips stretch up wide, tears slipping free once more as she glances down at her stomach before glancing at Castle who's matching her expression.

He gets to his knees, pressing his lips against hers hard and she reciprocates instantly, her hands cupping his cheeks as she sighs into the kiss.

"We're okay. He's okay." She murmurs against his lips and Castle smiles against her, his head nodding as he squeezes her arms, his lips continuing to move against hers.

They soon get up, heading towards the exit of the tent where they're soon met with Montgomery.

"Kate, Rick – we're all real glad you two are okay." Kate can see the genuine relief in his eyes as he pulls her into a hug, rubbing her back slightly before pulling back and she smiles at him.

"Thanks, Sir. So are we." She glances towards Castle, reaching out to take a hold of his hand; their fingertips intertwining as she squeezes his hand before glancing back over at Montgomery. "I'm confused, though. Is this just a false alarm?"

"Well, not exactly… if you're up to it, we really could use you back at the precinct. I can fill you in on the way."

She feels Castle tense beside her, his grip on her hand tightening and Kate's eyes fall closed as she begins to chew on the edge of her bottom lip.

This morning she'd been dreading starting desk duty – didn't want to leave the field and miss all the action, but after today – after the close call they had, Kate didn't want to risk it anymore, not if it meant Joseph harm.

"Sir, I think it's best if Espo and Ryan take over." She sighs, gaze landing on her stomach as her brows pull together before she's looking up at Montgomery. "…And if I start my desk duty immediately, instead of on Monday."

"After today, I wouldn't want you anywhere else but glued to that desk." Montgomery nods before beginning to speak once more as his gaze shifts between Castle and Beckett. "But I also know you don't like backing out of cases. So, how about I fill you two in on the case while I drive you home. Then I'll see you in the morning where you'll start desk duty?"

Kate continues to chew on her lower lip, glancing over at Castle who's face is still full of concern and worry.

"Look, Kate. You know I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want – especially pregnant. But we could really use you and Castle on this. You won't be put in any danger, I'm even forbidding you to leave the precinct during working hours."

She squeezes Castle's hand, tongue sweeping out across her bottom lip as she looks over at her Captain and nods her head. "Okay." She wasn't one to back out of a case – hated leaving anything unsolved, she knew how that felt to live with that grief. And solving a case – no matter what it was, always made her aching heart ache just a little less.

* * *

After Montgomery had filled them in about the case and promised Castle he wouldn't let Kate out into the field anymore, Castle had dragged Kate to the hospital with ease. He was still worried; they both were, and after a few tests it was revealed that everything with the baby was fine. They'd even gotten an ultrasound, could see Joseph moving around and hear his heart beating strong, the thumping filling the room and filling the parents hearts with such joy.

They arrived home to an empty and dark loft, and while Rick switched on the lights, Kate headed towards the couch.

"I know you're not happy with me still agreeing to be on this case…" Kate starts as she carefully begins to sit down, resting her hand against her stomach.

"I'm okay with it, Beckett." He falls down next to her, his hand coming to rest against her stomach before he begins moving it in small circles. "You're not going out in the field anymore, you're strictly desk ridden and Montgomery even said that come morning if you're not okay in any way, that you're not to come in."

His gaze flicks up to land on Kate's face. "I just want you rested and safe. Both of you." He sighs, tearing his gaze away to press his lips against the fabric covering her stomach, his forehead soon resting against it as her hands lift, slender digits beginning to run through the dark hairs covering his head.

"Now, you're going to sit here and not move a muscle why I make us some dinner, and then it's straight to bed. Got it?" He's rising slowly and Kate shifts back, making herself more comfortable as the edges of her lips curl, a slight chuckle slipping from her lips.

"Got it." She wasn't about to protest, didn't even want to. She was exhausted. Today had been filled with too much and she needed to sit and relax instead of painting Joseph's room or running away from crates full of radiation.

Castle kisses her forehead once she's situated before he's disappearing into the kitchen, as he does, another pain shoots through her and Kate's hand comes to her stomach once more, her teeth digging deep into her lip to the point of almost drawing blood. The pain this time was way more intense than the last, and she had to suppress a groan from leaving her lips – not wanting Castle to hear her.

Most likely it was Braxton Hicks contractions, especially considering how well their visit to the doctors were. So, there was no point in worrying Castle – and she knew that he would, that he'd go overboard and drag her back to the hospital, and all she wanted to do was rest – possibly drift off to sleep while he made her dinner, and just forget about the antics of today.


	15. Chapter 15

Kate drops the pen clenched between her index finger and thumb; it cluttering atop of the file she'd been working on as another pain shoots through her lower abdomen. A gasp can't help but slip through her lips, eyes shutting tightly as one hand grasps the edge of her desk, the other coming to rest against her stomach.

It only lasts a couple seconds, and once it's over her eyes peel open, stars circulating from how tightly she'd been clenching them shut. Her hand returns to its normal colour from the tight grip she'd been holding against her desk, as her chest rises and falls. She gazes round the precinct floor to see everyone occupied and a sigh of relief washes over her before her gaze drops to her stomach. Her brows pull together, hand rubbing in small circles.

She'd convinced herself last night the sharp pains she'd been having had been Braxton-hick's contractions, and not real contractions. After all, their visit to the hospital had been fine – nothing that would indicate she was in labour. But, as the pains continued throughout the night and surfaced till morning, Kate was beginning to think that maybe her leaving out the sharp pains she'd been having was a mistake, what if they weren't false contractions?

She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth, quickly glancing down at her watch. She needed to time them, see how far apart they were to determine whether or not she needed to be taken to the hospital. Though she hoped it was just false contractions, that she wasn't in labour. Otherwise she wouldn't have let Castle go off with Esposito half way to god knows where.

They'd all been trying to piece together the case all morning – all trying to figure out what on earth was going on, and during a coffee break – Castle had come up with a theory, and considering Kate was strictly desk ridden, he'd seeked Esposito out instead.

There wasn't any reason for him to be worried about leaving her behind, she was a couple weeks off from her due date – and as far as he knew, she was fine. She almost regrets not saying anything now. But, if the pain she was having were only practice one's – she'd hate herself for ruining the case. She knew that Castle's wild theories could at times, break the case wide open. And with how adamant he'd seemed talking to Esposito, she was sure the duo would come back with information that would lead them to the rightful killer, or at least on the right path.

A sigh slips free from her lips, her elbow coming to rest on the edge of her desk as she leans her forehead against the inside of her palm, her other free hand still continuing to rub small circles against her stomach. "You better stay in there for a few more weeks, 'kay Joe?" Her brows pull together, a kick being earned from her words traveling in direction of her stomach and the edges of her lips can't help but twitch, eyes rolling and head shaking in the slightest.

She knew Joseph would be the spitting image of his father – or at least desperately hoped their little boy would have bright blue eyes that she'd drown in, and soft brown curls that she could run her fingers through. She wanted him to have his father's creativity and imagination. But with how rowdy he'd been inside of her – she definitely knew come his teen years he'd be as reckless as she had been – possibly even worse.

"Hey, Beckett – you okay?" Ryan approaches, a concerned look washing across his face as he sees the woman's head in the palm of her hand, head tilted down towards her stomach while her other hand rubs small circles against the large belly.

Kate's head whips up, brows raising as the edges of her lips curl more upwards slightly and she nods her head. "Yeah, I'm fine, Ryan." She knew if she were to tell Ryan about the pains she'd been having that he'd have her in the car and heading towards the hospital – his phone in hand and calling Castle frantically. Which is what she didn't want. She admired the fact that the boys were very protective over her, but she didn't want anyone fussing over her – and she certainly didn't want to dent the case over possible false labour.

"Have you heard from Castle or Espo yet?" Kate asks, moving the conversation along as her gaze darts down to her watch to see that it had been over an hour now since she'd last heard from her partners, and her brows quickly pull together at realisation of how long it'd actually been.

"Uh, no. I was actually just coming to ask you if you'd heard anything. I tried calling Espo for updates, but I kept getting sent to voicemail."

She chews on the edge of her lip and drops her gaze from Ryan to reach across and grab her phone. It takes her a couple of seconds before she's calling Castle, but the ringing doesn't last long before she's instantly sent to voicemail and her brows only pull together more, confusion sweeping across her face as she pulls her phone away from her ear and glances down at it.

"That's weird…"

"What is?"

"Sent me straight to voicemail. But Castle wouldn't turn off his phone…" He'd made a joke about two weeks ago about always keeping his phone on and charged with a spare portable battery with him at all times just in case she went into early labour. She had of course rolled her eyes and laughed at him, told him doing that was just silly, especially considering they were with each other at all times and how her due date was so long away he didn't need to worry about her going into early labour.

"Let me try Espo again, maybe Castle's phone died." He shrugs, pulling out his own phone and dialling Esposito. His expression soon matches Kate's as he pulls the phone away from his ear, gaze moving from the woman to his phone. "Uh… voicemail too."

A small lump begins to form in the middle of Kate's throat as an uneasiness begins to settle in the pit of her stomach. She hoped she was wrong, but she definitely knew something wasn't right – call it a sixth sense; as Castle would most likely put it, but being gone for over an hour without any updates – or without texting Kate, wasn't like Castle. And if he were to turn his phone off – he would've at least called her.

"Ryan, try seeing if you can get a ping on either of their cells." She rises to her feet, chest slowly rising and falling as she tries her best to keep herself calm and not let her mind wander anywhere towards all the bad possibilities.

"You got it." Ryan nods, about to turn away before he sees Kate reach out for her desk once she's up, a gasp eliciting from the brunette's lips and his brows pull together, concern and confusion mixed across his face. "Beckett…"

" 'm fin – fine, Ryan." Kate breathes in and out as slow as she can, her fingertips gripping the edge of her desk as her eyes stay tightly closed. The pain that shoots through her lower abdomen lasts longer than before and just as it starts to subside, she can feel tears pricking the edges of her lids.

"You don't… that didn't look fine to me, Kate." She feels Ryan's hand at her back and she turns her head to see the fear and concern laced within his eyes and a sigh falls from her lips once more.

"I'm fine, Kev. Really… it was just, Braxton-hicks… fake contractions." She shrugs, doing her best to plaster a smile across her face. But with how close the contraction had been to her last one, and how strong that one had been – she's not sure they were false contractions anymore. And if they weren't fake, that meant she was going into labour – which means she needed Castle, and right now she had no clue where he was.

"We need to find them."

* * *

"Man, this theory of yours better lead us somewhere for you dragging us out here." Espo says as he pulls up outside the warehouse. Though he's soon squinting as he notices a white van not too far away and he glances over at Castle who looks as intrigued and confused as he does.

"Let's check it out." Espo quickly slips out of the car, drawing his gun from his holster and carefully approaching the back of the van. He glances over his shoulder at Castle behind him and nods at him before he's reaching out to the van and pulling open the door.

Both of them go still, blood running cold as they see the bomb perched inside, the numbers slowly going down, and within seconds Esposito's radiation alarm starts blaring. He doesn't get the chance to look at his beeper as shots start firing in their direction and he quickly shoves Castle to the ground firing in direction of the shots before the duo slip between two storage containers to shield themselves.

"Did you not see the bomb inside that van?!" Castle asks, earning a shush from Esposito as his fingers run through his hair, chest rising and falling; heart thudding beneath the cage of his ribs. They needed to call in for backup and disarm that bomb before it went off – or they were all goners.

Esposito sticks his head out slowly and carefully, but is quickly pulling it back in when a bullet flies past him.

They needed to get out of here, or at least hide somewhere more secure and call in for backup.

"Look, there's an open door over there." Castle says quietly as he lifts up his arm in direction of the open storage container across from them. "Maybe we could hide in there and call for backup?"

"Seems like our only option right now. There's no way we'd make it back to the car without getting a bullet… On my count, okay?"

He glances at Castle who nods at him, and in three seconds the pair are darting in direction of the open container, both trying to shield themselves while bullets fly in their direction.

They both tumble into the storage container, Castle quickly shutting the door behind them as they hear footsteps fast approaching.

"Hey, get back." Esposito adds and Castle obliges, getting behind Esposito who raises his gun at the door, waiting for their attackers to enter – but they don't, instead they hear the large metal door click shut.

"Uh… Espo." Castle says now seeing the dead body that had been behind them.

"What?" Esposito asks, turning around to face Castle before his gaze drops down to the body at the other end of the storage container. "What the…"

Castle steps forwards, carefully shoving the body over and his eyes widen. "Hey… that's our killer!"

* * *

"Think they're coming back?" Castle asks as the pair both move around the freezer storage container. They hadn't realised that they were in fact in a freezer till after they'd discovered the body and started to take in their surroundings properly.

"Why would they?" Esposito tries shoving himself up against the metal door, a grunt elicting from his lips with each time his body collides with the metal.

"For Jamal. Why else would they keep his body on ice? Whoever's behind this wanted to preserve his body for some reason. I'm thinking they wanted his body in that van with the bomb. That way, when the bomb goes off…"

Castle trails off, eyes widening and hands mimicking a bomb.

"His remains and DNA are at the crime scene. People would think that he was the terrorist."

"Right. And then the real terrorists would get away scot-free." Castle's brows pull together, furrowing at the revelation the pair had made.

"We need to get out of here, get back to the precinct and let everyone know what's going on. And stop that bomb."

Castle's pulling out his phone, raising it up high as he moves around the container. "I've got no signal." He grunts, staring at the image on his lockscreen – the last ultrasound image of Joseph, and the edges of his lips curl before everything registers inside of him. If they didn't get out of here, that bomb would go off – and Kate and his son would be gone.

His pulse starts to pound, a lump forming in the middle of his throat as he glances over at Espo.

"You got any signal, bars?" He asks before coming over to him, both of them moving at the same time to let their bodies collide with the metal door. Though it does no good, only gets the two men grunting from frustration and the pain now surging through their arms.

"Nada." Esposito replies after pulling out his phone to check and see if his phone had any signal.

* * *

"Ryan, have you got anything?" Kate enters the room where he's canvassing and he glances over his shoulder at her.

"Uh, nothing yet. But we've got patrol units out looking too. So, we'll find them."

She sighs, swallowing the lump in her throat as she runs her hand through her hair and moves to sit down on the empty chair.

"Hey, they'll be fine, Beckett."

She wants to believe that, she really does. But her gut tells her otherwise. It's like the world was trying to punish her for not being honest to Castle about the pains she'd been having. He wouldn't have left had he known, or he would've been calling her every five minutes – made sure she was okay, and then she'd know where exactly he'd taken himself and Esposito, and then she wouldn't be sick to her stomach with worry.

Another pain comes through and she grips the edge of her seat, a grunt and a gasp mixing together in her mouth and falling free as she leans forwards, her chest rising.

"Whoa, hey… I really think we should get you to the hospital." Ryan's on his knees before her as soon as he hears the grunt, hands on each of her arms as he keeps his gaze locked on her face.

She shakes her head, doing her best to breathe in and out through the contraction. "No – no, not till we find Castle." She mumbles as the pain slowly subsides and her grip on the chair loosens.

"They're getting closer, Beckett. And I'm no doctor… but I'd say, well I'd say they're not Braxton-hicks… at least not anymore."

A sigh falls from her lips and she looks up at Ryan. "I can't be going into labour yet – not when I have no idea where he is! He can't miss this." She needs him, can't do this without him and she can feel the tears pricking round the edges of her eyes again, and the last thing she wants to do is cry in front of Ryan but the very idea of going at this alone was terrifying to her.

"Castle would kill me you know, if I didn't take you to the hospital right now…" He pauses, slowly letting go of Kate as a sigh falls from his lips.

"Castle's not here right now to kill you, Ryan. I'm fine. My water hasn't even broken. So, let's just focus on finding our boys, okay?"

He nods, carefully letting go of her and turning back to the screen while Kate glances down at her stomach, her hands resting against it as her brows pull together tightly. "Just hold on, Joe." She breathes out quietly, her pulse beginning to pound.

She pulls the edge of her lip into her mouth as she glances up at the screen, watching all the data run across it and each second that goes by, her pulse continues to speed up, pounding beneath the cage of her ribs. "Where are you Castle…"

* * *

"You ready?" Esposito glances over his shoulder to see Castle standing over in the corner, arms wrapped around his body and teeth chattering. He nods at Esposito, his chest rising and falling as he watches the detective lift up his gun, aiming it at the handle of the metal door before he's pulling the trigger.

The bullet bounces off the metal door, flying around the storage container before it's piercing through the skin of Castle's leg and he soon falls to the ground, a groan slipping from his lips as the pain soars through his body, blood beginning to seep from his leg.

"Shit, Castle!" Esposito drops his gun, quickly rushing to the writer's side as he glances down at his leg, eyes widening at the blood already beginning to pool around him and his gaze shifts to Castle's face, the distress and pain clearly evident on his face.

"Bro, I'm so sorry! I didn't think it'd hit you!"

"It's – fi – fine." Castle says through hard breathes, eyes closing tightly.

Esposito quickly takes off his jacket, carefully reaching out to Castle's leg as he starts tearing the jean.

"Wh – oa, what are you doing?" Castle's eyes snap open at the contact and cool air hitting his open wound, and he gasps from the throbbing pain.

"I gotta stop the blood flow, unless you want to lose your leg?" Castle doesn't respond and Esposito nods before he begins wrapping his jacket tightly around Castle's leg and Castle can't help but yelp out in pain, his fingers curling into the palms of his hands as his jaw tightens.

"We really need to get out of here." Esposito sighs, taking in the state of Castle before his brows are pulling together, face scrunching as he glances round the storage container once more before shifting over to the dead body and rifling through the mans body.

"What – what are you doing now?" Castle swallows hard, eyes peeling open momentarily to see Esposito huddled over the body.

"I'm looking for something, anything that can help us get out of here."

He riffles through each pocket, patting the dead body down before a sigh falls from his lips.

"Anything?" Though Castle doesn't need to hear Espo's reply to know there's nothing on the man that could help them get out of here.

* * *

"Units found Espo's car outside a warehouse, they're searching it now for them." Ryan comes running into the breakroom to inform Beckett on the information but quickly stops in the doorway as he takes in the sight before him.

"Ryan…" Kate's word comes out as a whimper, her eyes wide and hands shaking as she stares down at the small puddle at her feet. "I think – I think my water just broke."

Ryan stands there for a moment looking dumbfounded, his jaw practically on the floor and Kate's head snaps up, her jaw tightening and a grunt eliciting from her lips.

"Ryan!" She all but shouts and he quickly snaps back to reality, blinking a few times before he's darting towards the woman, his arm wrapping around her back as he carefully guides her out of the breakroom.

"Right, right. Sorry. Okay, let's get you to the hospital."

It doesn't take them long to get down to the basement and Ryan quickly helps Kate get situated in the back of his patrol car before he's slipping into the driver's seat and backing out of the building.

"You okay back there, Beckett?" He takes a glance in the rear-view mirror to see Kate's head leaning back against the head rest, eyes shut tightly and her chest falling up and down.

"'m fine – just fine." She says through each breathe as she swallows hard, eyes peeling open as she meets Ryan's eyes in the rear-view mirror before he's tearing his gaze away to focus on the road.

"You said – before, that units found Espo's car?" She tilts her head, eyes closing as she rubs her hand in small circles against her stomach, pain slowly coursing through her lower abdomen. She needed to distract herself from the pain, and from the very idea that labour was coming soon and that Castle still wasn't at her side.

"Yeah – I." He pauses as his phone goes off, quickly reaching out to it and bringing it to his ear. "Ryan." He speaks into it.

"Espo!" Kate's eyes snap open and land on the back of Ryan's head as the detective's voice fills with relief and happiness. Her teeth sink into her bottom lip, fingertips gripping her stomach. If he was talking to Espo, that means units found them – which meant he was okay – which meant Castle was okay.

"Man, have we been wor-" Ryan's cut of, and Kate watches him carefully, sees his expression changing and the quick glance at her in the rear-view mirror makes her stomach churn. Her pulse only speeds up, the thudding in her chest increasing along with the pain in her stomach.

"Okay, yeah. Okay. Uh huh. But, um dude… Beckett's in labour." Ryan glances at Kate in the rear-view mirror once more, and she sees him swallow.

"Ryan, what's going on – where's – where's Castle." She grunts out, another contraction coming through.

"I'm taking her to the hospital now. Yeah, she's in the back."

"Ryan!" Kate grunts, her voice echoing through the small patrol car and she sees the detective jump slightly.

"Give me the phone. Give –" She grunts, arm reaching out as another pain shoots through.

Ryan quickly hands the phone over to Kate as he stops at a red light. He's not about to not hand his phone over to the distressed woman in labour.

"Esp – where's Castle, put Castle on." Her tongue sweeps across her lower lip to moisten it, her head rolling back as her hand continues to rub small circles against her stomach.

"Beckett." He pauses and she's growing impatient, why on earth wasn't he putting Castle on? Why hadn't Castle snatched the phone from Esposito already "He can't come to the phone right now, Kate."

Her chest hitches, a wave of nausea washing over her. "Where is he."

"In the back of an ambulance."

Everything stops when she hears his words and tears begin to burn around the rims of her lids, though they're quickly slipping free and start rolling down her cheeks. She gasps, choking out a breath as her grip on the phone tightens.

"Hey, he's okay. He's okay, Kate. He was shot in the leg, and he lost a lot of blood. But he's fine."

It's not enough to make her feel completely at ease, she won't feel completely at ease till she sees him in the flesh – sees him very much alive in front of her. But for now, it does get her breathing again.

* * *

"How much longer." Kate whines, a groan laced behind it as she paces around the room, her back slightly bent and her hand rubbing at her stomach.

"They should be wheeling him down soon, Kate. But you should sit down and rest, you're five centre meters away from being fully dilated." The doctor says and Kate shakes her head, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat.

"No, I'm good. Moving helps." Her chest rises and falls as she continues to pace around the room. She hadn't been able to sit still since the minute Ryan had gotten her here. Aside from the contractions, she was wracked with nerves and worry, incapable of sitting in a bed and having to lie there.

Although Castle's surgery had gone well, it'd be a few hours before he was fully awake and talking – and with how her contractions had been going, she wasn't sure their son could wait that long.

She didn't want to do this without him, couldn't do this without him. The realisation that she was going to be a mother had finally started to hit her and she was riddled with one too many feelings and thoughts. They hadn't even set up the nursery yet, the room still a disaster zone from the paint way they'd had. There was so much they still had to do – plan. They weren't prepared – she wasn't ready to be a mother yet, she was supposed to have a few more weeks to get everything sorted.

"Kate." Kate's head snaps to the door to see Lanie coming through, the woman putting her bag and coat on the free chair before coming over to the woman and wrapping her in a hug. "Oh, sweetie, how are you doing? How's the little guy?" She leans back, rubbing Kate's back up and down as she sends the woman a small smile.

"Aside from the fact I'm in labour, I'm fine. And Joseph's doing good." She pauses, sending Lanie a weak smile.

"Did you get a hold of my dad? I knew he was heading up to the cabin this week." Her head tilts and Lanie nods, a smile plastering across her face.

"He'd just arrived when I called him, he's heading back down now, said he'll be here as soon as he can and told me to tell you that he loves you and is so proud of you and that he can't wait to be a grandpa."

Kate smiles at the words her friend speaks that are from her father, and even though she hadn't heard them exactly from him, she could imagine his voice in her head telling her the exact same things and it somehow soothed her, made her feel a little calmer.

"Where's Ryan and Javi?"

"Ryan went to go check on him, I think he said something about Espo getting discharged?" She shrugs, her mind wrapped completely around being in labour that she can hardly remember the words her partner and friend had uttered to her over twenty minutes ago.

She pulls away from Lanie, starts circulating the room once more before another pain shoots through and she's gripping the end of the bed tightly, her fingertips curling round the bed post as a grunt falls from her lips.

"Hey, maybe we should get you into bed." She hears Lanie say and soon feels the woman's hand on her back, but Kate shakes her head, her eyes closed tightly as she tries to focus on breathing in and out.

"Need – to keep moving." She breathes out, the pain slowly starting to subside. "I can't sit still, not till Castle's here, Lanie." She sighs, slowly releasing her grip on the bed pole and standing herself up straighter.

"I know sweetie." Lanie gives her a comforting smile, still rubbing her back and moving her hair out of the way.

"I can't do this without him, Lanie. I'm not – I'm not ready." Tears begin to emerge, and she hates how during pregnancy her emotions have been heightened – that anytime she gets emotional, tears emerge in her eyes that she can't control and they always betray her by slipping free and roaming down her face.

"Hey, it'll be okay. You've got this, alright?"

Kate shakes her head, more tears falling as her eyes fall closed. "No, I really don't. I don't know what I'm doing, Lanie. I'm a mess, I don't know how to be a mother! Castle's the parent here. He knows how to be a good parent, he's a brilliant parent and he knows what he's doing!" She feels Lanie's arms wrap around her tightly and Kate can't help but bury her face into her friend's shoulder, sobs starting to elicit from her as she holds onto Lanie.

"Shh, sweetie. Shh." She rubs Kate's back up and down before carefully pulling her back. "Look at me." She lifts up her hand, wiping away Kate's tears as her expression turns more serious, her brows pulling together. "Now you listen to me Kate Beckett. You'll be an incredible mother. No parent knows what they're doing, especially their first time, and I bet if Castle were here right now he'd be telling you the exact same thing. Probably tell you all the mistakes he made and crack some jokes, so just pretend I've said all of that."

Kate smiles slightly, sniffling as her chest rises at her friend's words.

"But I mean it, Kate. You'll be brilliant, and that little boy is going to be the luckiest boy in the world to have you as a mother. Don't doubt yourself for even a second, okay? You've got this, and even if you're ready to go and Castle isn't here. You can do this."

With that, Lanie pulls Kate in for another hug.

* * *

"Kate, I'm going to need you to push."

"No, no I can't – Castle's not here – not yet." Kate whimpers, head shaking as she grips her knees, sweat and tears falling and cascading down the frame of her face.

"Kate, we can't wait any longer, you can't wait any longer. You're fully dilated, he's ready to come."

Kate doesn't open her eyes, doesn't respond to the doctor, only keeps her head back against the pillow, tears continuing to flow down her cheeks.

She doesn't want Castle to miss the birth of his own son, she'd never forgive herself.

He would be here – he'd be unmarked by a bullet had she just told him of the pains she'd been having last night, and maybe they'd be in a different situation, one where Castle is standing by her side, gripping her hand and whispering sweet words of encouragement into her ear.

Instead she was alone in the delivery room.

The boys were in the waiting room waiting for her dad and Martha and Alexis to arrive, while Lanie had gone to check in on Castle and see what was happening – if he'd woken up yet and could be transferred.

An intense pressure is building up inside of her, and the desire to push continues to grow, which only causes her to whimper, tears still slipping from her lids. Because no, no she can't push just yet – she can't give birth without Castle here.

"Kate, you really need to push now." The doctor speaks and Kate grips her knees, tears still falling from her lids as she gives in and pushes. Pain surges through her and she cries out in pain, doesn't even hear the door open or the wheelchair being pushed in, all she feels is a weak grip on her arm and her eyes snap open, head rolling to the side to see Castle situated in a wheelchair, his left leg in a cast and a weak and tired smile plastered across his face.

"Cas – cas'le." Kate slurs, her fingers quickly intertwining with his and squeezing his hand as she breaks out into a grin, a laugh almost falling from her lips at the irony of how the pair always managed to get to one another just in time.

"'m so sorry. So sorry." Kate shakes her head, chest rising and falling as her bottom lip quivers.

Castle's the next to shake his head, and carefully he pulls Kate's hand up to his lips, pressing his lips against the back of her hand softly. "Don't be. I'm here now, that's all that matters. I just wish I wasn't in this stupid chair and could be closer to you."

"Your leg." Kate's eyes dart to it and Castle's shakes his head again.

"Later. We've got more important things to do now." He smiles at her and her heart might burst, but the happiness doesn't last long before she feels the pain building up and the desire to push surging through her once again.

* * *

"He's perfect." Kate sighs happily, her arms wrapped around the infant atop of her chest.

Her index finger lightly brushes against the soft, chubby cheek her heart bursting with joy as she leans down to let her lips graze his forehead.

He was tiny – so small in her arms, and he was beautiful. Ten fingers and toes, a small button nose and a head full of dark brown hair.

The edges of her lips spread up into a wide smile as she glances over at Castle beside her, his face awestruck as he takes in the site before him.

"So perfect."

"You want to hold him, _dad_?" Her smile grows wider as a grin plasters across his face, gaze flicking up to Kate.

"You sure?"

"He's your son too, Castle." She shakes her head, a lazy smirk creasing her lips.

"I don't know if I'll be able to hold him properly…" He sighs, brows pulling together and Kate chews the edge of her lip as she glances over to the nurse.

"Would you…"

Kate doesn't get to finish as she sees the nurse smile at her, nodding as she moves over to Kate, carefully taking Joseph from her arms and situating the new born in Castle's arms.

"He's so much smaller than I thought." Castle breathes out, his gaze transfixed on the boy in his arms. "I mean, he looked tiny in your arms. But… he's so tiny." His body still a little weak, he carefully shifts his hand to graze along the top of their son's head, a blue hat covering the dark hair underneath.

"You did amazing, Kate. I'm so proud of you." Castle tears his eyes away from Joseph to glance up at her and Kate's heart speeds up, thumping hard beneath the cage of her ribs and she can't stop herself, the words having been on the tip of her tongue for weeks now, since the last time she uttered them to him.

"I love you, Rick."

She sees him go still, sees the words she's uttered beginning to register inside of him and his face is soon breaking out, the edges around his eyes creasing and the same spark he'd had upon seeing Joseph for the first time surfacing.

"I love you too, Kate."

* * *

 **A/N: I would just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who decided to click on this fic and read it. This is the first multi chapter fic I've ever written and I was so worried nobody would like it or that I'd do a terrible job and not even finish it. But knowing people have been clicking on this and reading it and genuinely excited for updates makes me so happy and means a lot to me. All your kind words and messages are what really kept me wanting to continue this and your reviews have been so helpful, so thank you to anyone who read, reviewed or enjoyed this story, I appreciate it more than you know.**

 **There will be an Epilogue, so stay tuned for that. For now though, this is the final chapter and the end to this story. I hope you liked the journey and the direction I took this fic in, and I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Epilogue:**

* * *

Kate carefully climbs down from the ladder to take a proper look at the banner hanging from each end of the wall, and when she sees that it's perfectly straight and aligned, a smile begins to stretch across her face.

"Finally got it right, huh?"

She turns, a brow arching as Castle comes up behind her, his arms wrapping around her waist and his chin resting on top of her shoulder.

Her smile only grows wider, hands placing atop of his against her waist as she turns her head back to the birthday banner draping over the living room, and leans her head against the side of Castle's.

A full year had gone by in the blink of an eye. Too much had happened, and Kate was still trying to process everything that had gone on.

Six months after Joseph was born, when she'd officially gone back to work – her desk had been taken over by a newbie, and she'd gone to grab all her stuff from a box in storage. But once she started to set her desk back up, she had ended up knocking over the family of elephants and it had shattered onto the precinct floor.

Still full of hormones, she'd almost broken-down crying – but the black tape in her line of sight had pulled her from getting emotional over her mother's belonging, and instead curiosity had coursed through her.

The tape had changed everything. On it – the man who'd murdered her mother; William Bracken. She'd had the pleasure of being the arresting officer, with Castle just mere meters away watching her proudly.

But, there was also another man on the tape – her Captain, and the pain that had inflicted upon her from his betrayal had _almost_ caused her to quit her job right then and there. It took her months to even look at him – to even be in the same room as him and forgive him, but she got there eventually; could understand why he'd lied to her, why he had kept things a secret from her.

Finding her mother's killer and getting the justice she so desperately wanted hadn't been something Kate thought she'd ever get, but she got it. And something inside of her changed. The high walls surrounding her had been torn down, and the dimmed lights inside of her had been replaced with the purest beams of light – of course, Castle and her son had both helped with her coming to terms over the end of the case that'd made her who she was.

She wasn't afraid of who she would be without it – or how she'd go on without her mother's case right at her side, because she had so much more to keep her grounded and full of life now.

"Yeah, after _no help_ from you." She smirks, lightly digging her head into Castle's more.

"Hey, I offered my assistance! You told me to go pick up the cake." He quipped, and Kate rolled her eyes, pulling back from her partner as she turned around to face him.

"Yeah, after almost fighting tooth and nail with you to go get it. Speaking of which, where is it?" Her brow raises, eyes roaming over the writer.

"Put it in the kitchen. You've got to see it, it's so adorable." He grabs a hold of her wrist, a wide grin plastered across his face as he pulls her into the kitchen before he's carefully lifting the white box open to reveal a grey elephant cake with the words _Happy 1_ _st_ _Birthday_ on it.

There's no stopping the grin that spreads across Kate's face as her hands come to her chin while she gazes down at the cake. "Oh, he's gonna love it, Castle!" She leans across, pressing her lips against his cheek before taking a glance at the time on the oven and her eyes quickly widen. "Crap, people should be arriving soon. I better go get Joseph up and dressed." She lets go of Castle, quickly moving around the kitchen island as she heads towards the stairs.

"Did you lay out his birthday suit like I asked?" She asks, glancing over her shoulder.

"I really wish you wouldn't call it that, Kate." Castle's face scrunches, before a breath of air escapes as she rolls her eyes. "But, yes, I did." She sees the gleam in his eye and the bopping of his adams apple but merely shrugs it off as she continues up the stairs.

Slowly she pushes open the door to Joseph's nursery, carefully switching on the light as she sees the almost one year old standing at the edge of his crib, tiny hands wrapped around the bars and a binky in his mouth that's soon falling onto the mattress of his crib as he spots his mother, a wide grin plastering across his face as he gurgles at her.

Kate's heart can't help but burst. Every time she saw him, her entire face lit up and her heart filled with so much joy. She never knew it was possible to love a human being as much as she loved Castle and her parents, but then Joseph had come along – and she could finally understand the love a parent had for their child.

"Hey, baby boy!" She coos, quickly moving through the room towards him as he bounces up and down, falling onto his bottom and giggling. She can't help but grin even wider as she carefully reaches down into the crib and lifts him up. "Oh, did you have a good nap, hmm?" She presses her lips against his cheek, letting them linger there for a moment before she's hoisting him onto her hip.

Her fingertips carefully run through the boy's soft brown hair as his hands grip and grab at her shirt.

"Are you ready for your party, huh? You're going to be spoiled rotten today." She lightly tickles his tummy, watching as his face fills with joy, the bright blue eyes resembling his father's staring up at her before he's burying himself into her chest and she can't help but squeeze him tightly before she spins around and heads towards the changing table where she'd told Castle to lay out his clothes.

"Let's get you dressed and rea-" She comes to a complete stop, the smile on her face dropping and her heart beginning to thump rapidly beneath the cage of her ribs as she stares down at the black onesie with white writing across it. Kate's eyes can't help but fill with tears, her chest beginning to rise and fall as a lump forms in the middle of her throat.

She hears a clear of a throat behind her and quickly spins round, her grip on Joseph tightening as she stares over at Castle in the doorway.

"Wh – what?" She lets out a little breathlessly as she blinks a few times, a few stray tears slipping and falling down her cheeks as she swallows the lump in her throat.

The writing on the onesie, for a second, she thought she was seeing things, but the longer she stared at it, the clearer it was to her that she wasn't seeing things, that _Mommy, will you marry daddy?_ Was indeed written across it.

Castle moves through the room, stopping just before Kate and Joseph before he eases himself down onto one knee and reaches out, holding his hand open for her and Kate moves the hand holding onto Joseph's leg to rest it in Castle's palm.

Her hand is shaking and he quickly grips it and her eyes fall closed, tongue dipping out of her mouth to run along her lower lip.

"Kate…" Her eyes quickly open, gaze falling to the deep blue eyes staring back at her.

"This past year with you has been everything and more. Our little family means so much to me, and I know that it took us awhile for us to come together."

Another lump forms in her throat as she thinks back to when she'd found out she was pregnant with Joseph, how she'd kept it from Castle after he'd left – how it had taken them awhile to get onto solid ground and reveal their true feelings for one another.

But the past year with Castle had been everything and more to her as well. They'd grown so much closer, fallen more in love with one another. She'd moved into the loft permanently and sold her apartment when Joseph had only been four months old. Because to both of them, it seemed silly for either of them to be living in separate places when they were together, and didn't want to be apart. Although Kate hadn't even slept in her apartment since before Castle had brought her to stay after that fateful case.

They were a family, they were partners – and keeping themselves apart any more seemed stupid.

"But I wouldn't change anything. I mean, maybe getting to this point a little faster with fewer obstacles." He quips, shrugging, and a bubble of laughter can't help but escape through Kate's lips. "I know that no matter what happens, you've got my back. That wherever we go, it's you I want by my side, and it's your side I always want to be by."

He squeezes her hand, his thumb running over her knuckles as he keeps his gaze locked on her.

"I never thought I'd write again, that nothing could live up to the books I'd written. But then you walked through that door… and my entire life changed. I'd never met anyone as extraordinary as you, Kate. Never met someone so stubborn, driven and strong. From day one I knew – I knew that you were so special – that you'd always be special to me, and not having you in my life, not having Joseph – that's not one I want to be in or be a part of. Because without you, my life is unfulfilled, it's boring. It's meaningless."

He swallows, dipping his tongue out of his mouth as he carefully pulls his hand away from hers and dips it into his pocket to pull out a black velvet box. His chest rises as he sucks in a deep breath before turning to look up at Kate once more.

"So, Katherine Houghton Beckett…" He carefully opens the box, revealing a rather large diamond ring inside. "Will you do me the honour of making me the happiest man alive, of being my partner in crime and in life – always… Will you marry me?"

Her teeth dig into her bottom lip, pulling it into her mouth as tears continue to cascade down the frame of her face. She adjusts Joseph on her hip, tightening her grip as she carefully lowers the two of them so she can kneel before Castle, her face breaking out wide.

"Yes."

She didn't need time to think about it or process it, because her answer to spending the rest of her life with him would always be a yes. She never wanted anyone apart from him. He'd been there for her throughout everything, he'd seen her at her best and at her worst, he was her best friend, her partner, and the love of her life.

"Yes?" Castle asks, his face breaking out into a wide grin as Kate's head nods up and down vigorously and he quickly leans in, his lips colliding with Kate's in a passionate kiss.

They break apart as the small boy between them gurgles and giggles, his hands moving back and forth to push each of his parents and both of them grin and laugh down at him before their heads are turning back to face one another and carefully Rick pulls out the ring from the box before slipping it onto Kate's shaking hand.

It glistens in the light, her eyes dazed as she takes it in before making eye contact with him once more. "It's perfect, you're perfect." She shakes her lead, leaning back in to press her lips against his, her hand cupping his cheek, the cool metal so foreign yet so _right_ fitted on her ring finger, pressed against the side of his cheek.

She pulls back, wiping away the tears that had stained her cheeks as she glances down to Joseph and presses her lips against the top of her head.

"Joseph and I have been planning this for months. Thank god he can't talk yet, or he would've blown it." Kate can't help but laugh, her hand gently stroking Joseph's head as she looks from Castle down to her son.

"Is that right, have you been helping your daddy plan the perfect, yet cheesy way to propose?" She cocks her head, her fingers running through Joseph's hair.

"Hey, it wasn't _that_ cheesy!"

"Castle, you put it on our son's onesie. It's cheesy." She smirks at him, shaking her head.

"What would you have done if he had woken up when you were out and I'd gone up and changed him right then and there? Your little surprise would've been ruined."

"Oh, I took the baby cam with me when I went out." He shrugs, and Kate gasps, eyes widening as she smacks him playfully on the shoulder.

"Richard Castle, I can't believe you'd take the baby cam with you! If he'd been crying, I wouldn't have known!"

"He has his mother's lungs, you would've heard him."

She hits him again, gasping once more as she shakes her head at him, but Castle only grins wider at her before moving to wrap his arms around her and Joseph, his lips pressing against Kate's temple.

"We're getting married." He murmurs against her skin; can see the way her facelights up more as she turns to face him.

"We're really going to get married."

She can't help but lean in to kiss him once more, and as they pull back, they hear knocking coming from downstairs.

"That must be our first party guests!" Castle carefully gets to his feet, helping Kate up as he kisses her cheek before Joseph's, running his hand over his son's head. "You get him ready, I'll go let the guests in. Get ready for the party of a life time, Joe!"

She watches him rush off and her chest rises before falling as she glances down at her son resting his head against her chest.

Had you told her a year ago that she'd be having Richard Castle's baby, or that she'd be accepting his marriage proposal on the day of their son's first birthday party – she would've laughed in their face. Because it seemed like the most absurd thing – having a child with him, being a family.

But now, now she couldn't imagine anything else apart from being with him and having a family with him.

She quickly changed Joseph into the onesie, making sure the text was faced into her chest when she brought him downstairs to their friends and family. Though, Lanie and Martha had both spotted the ring on her finger before seeing the text on Joseph's onesie.

Everyone had been thrilled for them. The boys had hugged her, told Castle if he ever hurt her that they'd make him pay. Lanie couldn't help but tear up, and had joked about being the maid of honor, though Kate had taken it seriously and made sure Lanie knew that there was nobody else she'd want by her side helping her with this.

Her father had pulled her aside and told her how happy he was for her, revealed that a few months prior Castle had come to him for his blessing and Kate's heart had filled with more joy in that moment.

Martha and Alexis were over the moon; had told Kate they couldn't wait for her to officially be a part of their family and had thanked her for making Castle so happy and for bringing Joseph into the world.

Overall, the day had been memorable – even more memorable when Joseph took his first steps. It may have been a birthday Joseph wouldn't remember, but it would be one Kate remembered for a life time.


End file.
